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[deleted] t1_itzztw6 wrote

Reply to comment by Hemingbird in [WP]No one know how the zombie virus began, but humanity is on the ropes. A powerful stranger cuts through the horde one night and reaches your compound's wall with a deal. Vampires are starving. Help feed them in exchange for protection from the other undead menace. by cesly1987

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Crystal1501 t1_iu00eol wrote

And now the sequel is out :) I knew he was planning a sequel, otherwise I would have said something haha

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BrunFer-Author t1_iu016st wrote

I'll take a read later, but the stylistic choice and purple prose issues will still be there, sadly.

That said, the vocabulary and sheer astonishing sentence construction is quite fantastic when it doesn't turn repulsively purple.

Good job writer(wo)man/person, you just gotta work on that flowery tone. We all gotta get better and you're sure as hell on the right path.

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[deleted] t1_iu017ul wrote

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[deleted] t1_iu02983 wrote

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[deleted] t1_iu03fl2 wrote

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Crystal1501 t1_iu05mf4 wrote

I've heard a good rule that commas allow for a quick breath, full stops a proper breath. No human could read that sentence without needing a quick breath.

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[deleted] t1_iu07b1x wrote

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Crystal1501 t1_iu07lee wrote

Even if that's the case, the other guy was trying to give you helpful advice and I feel you were being rude and disrespectful in return. I feel the same way as them, and your attitude was just uncalled for.

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Crystal1501 t1_iu01rwq wrote

Until you posted the sequel, they were right, the story didn't follow the prompt. I only knew a sequel was coming because without the sequel, this just wasn't reflecting the prompt.

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[deleted] t1_iu0244t wrote

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Crystal1501 t1_iu02uhv wrote

The prompt mentioned a deal. You ended with 'a vampire has infiltrated'. I know prompts are a guide, I've seen it myself where my prompts weren't answered to the letter, and I've also done it myself. But you missed the key part of the prompt - the deal. If someone says 'village', it doesn't literally mean a village, but you can't choose the middle of a forest!

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[deleted] t1_iu07hnt wrote

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Crystal1501 t1_iu07t72 wrote

Then you're on the wrong subreddit. Plain and simple, you are. The only thing that kept me from saying anything originally was the fact I was EXPECTING a sequel so you COULD fulfil the prompt.

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