"What would you like, sirs? I'm afraid we don't have a squid's menu." The suited man spread his arms wide, twisting his spindled cane.

With a thundering slam, a building fell around them, trapping the two aquatic villains. Trentacle thrashed wildly, knocking over booths and tables as they popped into existence.

"So it's the traitor we're up against?" Carp Captain scoffed. "Enjoying the taste of the heroes boots, Pundertaker?"

"Most certainly, at least I don't feel like I'm losing my sole. Aren't you going to ask where we are?" A 6 foot tall fly wearing a white jacket and dirty apron came from the back to stand behind the turncoat villain with his smug expression.

"Hell's kitchen? I don't know," Trentacle growled, snapping the beak on the front of his armor. "You're outnumbered. Doesn't matter what stupid-"

"It's a Die-ner, get it?" Pundertaker smiled and spun again as the pair groaned. The fly pulled out a spatula, a knife, a long fork and a whisk with its four arms. "Are you ready to dine?"

"I see why the heroes hated you so much," Carp said "This is just embarrassing and undignified. I'm guessing this clown is a fly cook?"

Pundertaker smiled, gesturing to the fly who buzzed and began to chop at Trentacle's arms. "You know what really is a shame is you can't murder people as a hero. This would be a perfect opportunity to lay down some carpet."

Carp swung a wild frothing haymaker. Pundertaker dodged back without much effort.

"I'm afraid it will be harder to fin-ish me, my fishy friend." He breathed out and spun his cane again. A chicken as tall as the fly crashed in from the ceiling and scratched at Carp with its foot, almost taking out an eye.

"How are you so powerful?" Carp asked. Body slamming the bird before being launched back to crash into the back.

"Not a fan of my Kick-en?"

A weak groan came from the store room.

"Enough!" Trentacle screamed. "I am the spawn of an elder god! I will not be thrown about by a child and his cheap jokes."

Long arms swirling, the squid-like villain shook and glowed with the bleached light of bioluminescence. Roaring started in the distance, rapidly growing closer.

Pundertaker sniffed, smelling the brine no doubt.

"Oh shit!" Carp said. You better be scared, Pundertaker."

"I think you mean ohcean, friend," Pundertaker said, drawing out a long saw from his pocket.

A wave crashed into the diner leaving it underwater. Carp laughed as the chicken and the fly both spasmed, swimming wildly through the door.

Pundertaker stood seemingly unaffected by the water, holding his saw. "Underwater but underwhelmed, I must say."

"So you can breathe underwater now too?" Trentacle said, swelling in size.

"Sea Saw, one of my first," Pundertaker said, slicing at the water in front of him. The ocean exploded in expanding walls boiling into the sky. Tentacle flopped flat, sliced cleanly in half.

"Ika, think I cut a little too hard there. No, Shashimi, so sue me?" he mumbled to himself. "Hold on, I'll get it."

"You killed him!" Carp screamed, punching at the man to no effect.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, villain, but…"

Carp looked down to see his fists had been replaced by block letters that spelled out the word fist.

"The heroes are definitely going to ring me out for that one. Oh well, in for a penny, in for a pounding." Pundertaker stepped aside to reveal a semi truck was hurtling towards Carp.

"This Friday, learn to love again!" A deep man's voice came from the truck, clips from a movie were playing on a huge screen taking up the side.

"Trailer, yep, okay," Carp said in resignation. "Doesn't it drive you crazy, having to make puns to summon all this?"

Pundertaker smiled wickedly, raising his hand to summon a perfectly normal apple. "The puns aren't actually part of my power, they just make it fun."

"And laugh a little on the way there!" The trailer trailer slammed into Carp, launching him into the distance as it continued to describe what seemed like a lovely romantic comedy.

Pundertaker surveyed the damage as he bit into the apple. Once the full moon came out, he would summon the warehouse to help clean up the mess.

/r/surinical