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RoboJoe9000 OP t1_iufpf3g wrote

I'm sure you will with that attitude! I see plenty of potential in your writing. :) If I took my non-expert non-writer guess I think adding more descriptive words or more personality to the text might have helped. Something to give more of a feel for the characters personalities or emotions and/or more details about the scene or what's going on around them or some kind of context to things about where and why they are, if that makes sense. If I took a guess I think the missing piece is somewhere in those details, but I couldn't say with any confidence.


not_quite_graceful t1_iufjws2 wrote

I might know what it’s missing. Narration, perhaps? That’s just my thought, though.