“I don’t want to attend a meeting from that corporate a-hole.”

“I don’t want to either, but we have to attend we want to maintain the sponsorships.”

“We’re the good guys though. Why can’t they just pay us?”

“Look, if we want to keep our cozy lair, then we’ll have to listen to whatever the UberDude says.”

“Fine.”

“You’ll just zone out in this meeting anyways.”

“You know it!”

<> <> <>

“I’ve brought you all here today because I see that we are not maintaining a public image.” The UberDude said. One hero raises his hand, “Yes?”

“What gives? We’re saving people, who cares if we don’t look friendly?”

“Looking friendly is not only going to benefit ArchTech Corp, but it’ll help you out as well.” UberDude walks to his table and takes a sip of water. “Let me show you an example,” he grabs a remote to click forward on his presentation, “This is BugGuy, and through my coaching, he went from being a horrid spider creature to a lady killer.” That same hero raises his hand again and said,

“Wasn’t he cured?”

“Yes.”

“So, you coached him after you cured him right?”

“Yes, and?”

“Well, of course he’s going to be more sociable after he became a normal person. He’s not ugly anymore.”

“I don’t see what appearance has to do with anything.”

“You’re literally here making an argument about how our appearance isn’t up to corporate standards.”

“But! With my coaching, the Justice Team is going to look awesome and more importantly, marketable.”

Silence. Then UberDude continues,

“You see, we all can climb the ladder of success. We can be the most popular super team out here. You’ll have enough money that you wouldn’t have to worry about secret identities, government pension plans, or property damage. All you need to do is look presentable, and take all fights onto company property.”

“Why company property?”

“A skyscraper collapsing is a recipe for a viral video. Imagine, ArchTech building collapses on the street. It’s free advertising.”

“A building collapse can hurt people.”

“Trust me. ArchTech can handle it. Consider it a donation from a generous company.”

“Consider a building falling on someone instead.”

“Look. All I am asking is for you guys to bite the bullet for a while, and try it ArchTech’s way. ArchTech is taking the risk here. It won’t be long before a government program will be enacted and we all know how inefficient the Big Man is, trust me. You’ll want ArchTech’s way, it’ll be clean, efficient, and you get to profit from it too. If the government was to do it, then you won’t be paid for your hard work.”

"And now, for our superhero of the year award! Now I think this one we really can't do without. You could say that he's always there for us on a rainy day. It's... The Cloud!"

The audience erupts into thunderous applause as the cumulus-shaped mass of moisture slowly floats to the podium, crying the occasional raindrop of joy.

"Thank you, thank you! First, I'd like to thank my sponsors: Amazon, Microsoft, Google, IBM, and every other major tech company that keeps me afloat, hehe. It's been a fantastic year of fighting evil, hasn't it? Thanks to my new cloud capabilities, eh-hem, we're tracking villains in real time, so I'm always there to lend some shade or a spare shower when you need to fly in for that pivotal battle. And you'd best believe we have a full slate of new features for the coming year that are going to make your lives even easier. So hold on tight, it's gonna be a wild ride"

"God, he makes me sick" Ricky the Revered Raccoon whispered to his friend Overpower Man in the back of the audience. "Every year he does this schtick and he comes across like a total douchecloud."

"Preach." Overpower Man tightly clutched the lightning bolt glued onto his aging plate mail. It wasn't necessary, it was just a habit.

"I wish I could fly. Like he comes in so smooth, in every. single. battle. You don't even see him until he's there on top of the villain raining in their eyes. Just like, once. If raccoons could fly."

"By the time I get there douchecloud usually has the situation under control." Overpower Man shrugged. "I guess the world is a better place with him."

The lights in the auditorium flickered as The Cloud wafted offstage with his award somehow sitting on top of him.

"It appears we're having-" the announcer said as the room was plunged into total darkness, cutting the mic.

"Uh oh," Ricky said.

Murmurs echoed from the crowd for a few terse moments before the lights came back on. The announcer was still on stage with the mic in hand.

"I'm hearing word through comms that we're under attack!"

The crowd got out of their seats in unison, putting themselves in their superhero battle formation all at once.

"Who would be dumb enough to attack the world's largest superhero convention?" Overpower Man said.

Ricky shook his head as he entered Battle Raccoon form. "Let's get 'em!"

They followed the crowd out of the auditorium and into what should have been a clear and cold night, but instead of seeing a starry sky, they were blinded by an intense light coming from above. When they tried to get a look at it, they found the light too bright.

"Heh heh heh," a deep voice cackled from the general direction of the light. "It is I, the incredibly hot, galaxy-revered, Supernova Totalus Increduli, but most just call me Super."

The collected superheroes stood underneath it. The Cloud was missing.

"So I heard that you crowned your Cloud best superhero yet again. Eh-hem, I think you're going to have to rethink that strategy. My very essence destroys clouds. Also, I have the power to send out a storm so powerful that it will knock the electricity and Internet off for your entire planet. Lots of heat and no Internet will put him out to some nice weather if you know what I mean. Heh."

Ricky and Overpower Man looked at one another. Finally, it was their time to shine.

-----

REALLY loved this prompt. Great idea.

"And that's why I'm loving it!" exclaimed Genesis-Man, flashing a pearly-white smile. "This mission is sponsored by McDonalds - Happy food, happy life!"

"Can you stop posting on your feed," grumbled Aegis of the Ninth. "Mr. Molotov managed to escape, and we need to hunt him down."

The other members of the Bang Energy Yeet Squad (TM) nodded in agreement. Genesis-man sighed.

"Come on, guys, we just defeated the Master Mastermind and defused six dirty bombs. Give a man a break, will ya?" he said, stretching his arms in mock exhaustion. The effect was slightly ruined by the seventy or so logos stitched to various parts of his blue skintight bodysuit.

"You know what?" continued Genesis-man, "Why don't you guys hunt him down? You're all superheroes, right? Also, I've noticed none of you have done your Bang Energy (TM) sponsorship videos for this month, so you owe me."

There was an awkward pause, followed by lots of coughing.

"Yeah...well..." said Aegis. "Wouldn't it be easier for you just to come with us and get him?"

Vigorous nodding from the other six members ensued, and Genesis-man sighed. "Fine, fine, but guys, seriously, you gotta make your sponsorship vids. Who do you think pays for our Hyperjet, huh? Do you think I'm just made of money or something? Plus with interest rates right now, the mortgage on our, you know, private island, is kind of getting out of hand."

"Fine, fine," said Aegis miserably. "It just makes me feel like a sell-out. I know you've canceled at least three of our missions after receiving a call from Blackrock."

Genesis-man shrugged. "Hey, you know, financial crime - eh, who cares? Plus, Larry Fink's birthday party has some kick-ass lobster, so it'd be a shame to not be re-invited..."

"That's all it takes?" snapped Starwoman. Her dusty complexion was reddening rapidly. "Some fucking lobster? Those criminals put my entire family out of work in '08."

"Hey, hey, Maria," said Genesis-man, raising his hands. "Like you're one to talk. How's that construction deal coming along on the West side? Last I heard your father's gotten twelve government contracts - all it took was an endorsement, eh?"

Starwoman flinched, and looked away, though she still grumbled under her breath.

"Ok, ok, let's everyone calm down," said Aegis soothingly. "We're all heroes here, in the end, and we're all on the same side."

"Actually..." began Mr. Mysterious, looking slightly sheepish.

"What is it now?" snapped Aegis. "Mr. Molotov's still out there, you realize."

"Yeah, well, while we're on the subject...I won't be renewing my membership."

"What?" there were six identical exclamations.

"You're leaving the Bang Energy Yeet Squad (TM)?" said Aegis incredulously. "Where are you going? To Philly?"

"A little farther afield," admitted Mr. Mysterious. "The Chinese Communist Party gave me a great tender offer to help them round up terrorists in Xinjiang province, so I'll be there come the new year."

There was a moment of stunned silence.

"Hey, don't look at me like that," said Mr. Mysterious uncomfortably. "They might be murderous communists, but they understand the value of the greenback as much as the next guy."

"And you're making me out to be the bad guy?" exclaimed Genesis-man. "All I did was sell a few more hamburgers - Mysterious is literally helping commit genocide!"

"Actually, there is no evidence of that," said Mr. Mysterious without much conviction. He paused, as everyone gave him varying looks of disbelief, "Sorry, it's in my contract. Figured I'd start practicing early."

"You know what, you guys all go home and do your sponsorship vids," demanded Genesis-man. "I'm tired of this. Aegis, you're with me. Let's go."

After the rest of the Bang Energy Yeet Squad had departed, Genesis-man sighed, striking up a cigarette. "When did it become so bloody complicated?" he said, a bit of his British accent leaking through. "It was easy in the old days, save an old lady, beat up a few gangsters...none of this bullshit."

Aegis shrugged. "It's the way of the world. You want to make a difference - well, you gotta play the game."

There was a long silence. "I still can't believe Mr. Mysterious," said Genesis-man. "Leaving us for the CCP? Who does that?"

Aegis coughed loudly, a noise that sounded remarkably like 'northstar'.

"That was different, ok," said Genesis-man. "Northstar - well I guess Black Sun now - had some - uh - ideological differences. Mr. Mysterious is just doing it for the money."

"Ideological differences?" said Aegis somewhat incredulously. "You've been spending too much time with the PR team. The man joined the Azov Battalion!"

Genesis-man coughed awkwardly. "Yes, well, it was a hell of a time covering that up, let me tell you. Put a camera anywhere near that man and he starts goose-stepping like there's no tomorrow...the media's been forced to just print written accounts of his battles against the Russians to avoid outing him."

There was a long silence punctuated by a distant explosion. "Well, that'd be Mr. Molotov," said Genesis-man, putting out his cigarette on his costume. "Want to get McDonald's after? I have a lifetime supply."

"Sure," said Aegis, "Don't let me hold you back," he added sarcastically, but the other superhero was already gone.

Welcome to the Prompt! All top-level comments must be a story or poem. Reply here for other comments.

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