"And that's why I'm loving it!" exclaimed Genesis-Man, flashing a pearly-white smile. "This mission is sponsored by McDonalds - Happy food, happy life!"

"Can you stop posting on your feed," grumbled Aegis of the Ninth. "Mr. Molotov managed to escape, and we need to hunt him down."

The other members of the Bang Energy Yeet Squad (TM) nodded in agreement. Genesis-man sighed.

"Come on, guys, we just defeated the Master Mastermind and defused six dirty bombs. Give a man a break, will ya?" he said, stretching his arms in mock exhaustion. The effect was slightly ruined by the seventy or so logos stitched to various parts of his blue skintight bodysuit.

"You know what?" continued Genesis-man, "Why don't you guys hunt him down? You're all superheroes, right? Also, I've noticed none of you have done your Bang Energy (TM) sponsorship videos for this month, so you owe me."

There was an awkward pause, followed by lots of coughing.

"Yeah...well..." said Aegis. "Wouldn't it be easier for you just to come with us and get him?"

Vigorous nodding from the other six members ensued, and Genesis-man sighed. "Fine, fine, but guys, seriously, you gotta make your sponsorship vids. Who do you think pays for our Hyperjet, huh? Do you think I'm just made of money or something? Plus with interest rates right now, the mortgage on our, you know, private island, is kind of getting out of hand."

"Fine, fine," said Aegis miserably. "It just makes me feel like a sell-out. I know you've canceled at least three of our missions after receiving a call from Blackrock."

Genesis-man shrugged. "Hey, you know, financial crime - eh, who cares? Plus, Larry Fink's birthday party has some kick-ass lobster, so it'd be a shame to not be re-invited..."

"That's all it takes?" snapped Starwoman. Her dusty complexion was reddening rapidly. "Some fucking lobster? Those criminals put my entire family out of work in '08."

"Hey, hey, Maria," said Genesis-man, raising his hands. "Like you're one to talk. How's that construction deal coming along on the West side? Last I heard your father's gotten twelve government contracts - all it took was an endorsement, eh?"

Starwoman flinched, and looked away, though she still grumbled under her breath.

"Ok, ok, let's everyone calm down," said Aegis soothingly. "We're all heroes here, in the end, and we're all on the same side."

"Actually..." began Mr. Mysterious, looking slightly sheepish.

"What is it now?" snapped Aegis. "Mr. Molotov's still out there, you realize."

"Yeah, well, while we're on the subject...I won't be renewing my membership."

"What?" there were six identical exclamations.

"You're leaving the Bang Energy Yeet Squad (TM)?" said Aegis incredulously. "Where are you going? To Philly?"

"A little farther afield," admitted Mr. Mysterious. "The Chinese Communist Party gave me a great tender offer to help them round up terrorists in Xinjiang province, so I'll be there come the new year."

There was a moment of stunned silence.

"Hey, don't look at me like that," said Mr. Mysterious uncomfortably. "They might be murderous communists, but they understand the value of the greenback as much as the next guy."

"And you're making me out to be the bad guy?" exclaimed Genesis-man. "All I did was sell a few more hamburgers - Mysterious is literally helping commit genocide!"

"Actually, there is no evidence of that," said Mr. Mysterious without much conviction. He paused, as everyone gave him varying looks of disbelief, "Sorry, it's in my contract. Figured I'd start practicing early."

"You know what, you guys all go home and do your sponsorship vids," demanded Genesis-man. "I'm tired of this. Aegis, you're with me. Let's go."

After the rest of the Bang Energy Yeet Squad had departed, Genesis-man sighed, striking up a cigarette. "When did it become so bloody complicated?" he said, a bit of his British accent leaking through. "It was easy in the old days, save an old lady, beat up a few gangsters...none of this bullshit."

Aegis shrugged. "It's the way of the world. You want to make a difference - well, you gotta play the game."

There was a long silence. "I still can't believe Mr. Mysterious," said Genesis-man. "Leaving us for the CCP? Who does that?"

Aegis coughed loudly, a noise that sounded remarkably like 'northstar'.

"That was different, ok," said Genesis-man. "Northstar - well I guess Black Sun now - had some - uh - ideological differences. Mr. Mysterious is just doing it for the money."

"Ideological differences?" said Aegis somewhat incredulously. "You've been spending too much time with the PR team. The man joined the Azov Battalion!"

Genesis-man coughed awkwardly. "Yes, well, it was a hell of a time covering that up, let me tell you. Put a camera anywhere near that man and he starts goose-stepping like there's no tomorrow...the media's been forced to just print written accounts of his battles against the Russians to avoid outing him."

There was a long silence punctuated by a distant explosion. "Well, that'd be Mr. Molotov," said Genesis-man, putting out his cigarette on his costume. "Want to get McDonald's after? I have a lifetime supply."

"Sure," said Aegis, "Don't let me hold you back," he added sarcastically, but the other superhero was already gone.