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Obtuse_Mongoose t1_istmoy6 wrote

⬆️ 843 kittensundaes_111

⬇️ Honestly, I think that's adorable she wants you to better yourself. I don't think your the asshole in this situation, but you do need to set boundaries as to what you feel comfortable doing wit her and the expectations of both families.

  ⬆️ 442 PM_me_muscles342
  ⬇️       DUDE, CAN I GET PICS OF HER SWOLE!?!?!?

        ⬆️ 332 l33tsapientsandwich
        ⬇️       Seconded...for research purposes of course.

        ⬆️ 221 latinnumeralsVVVV
        ⬇️       VCIXXICICIC?

              ⬆️ 123 confusedhemorrhoid 
              ⬇️       WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN???

                    ⬆️ 85  astute_professor69
                    ⬇️       Nothing.  It's gibberish latin numerals.  They make an attempt to be funny, but failed.

                          ⬆️ 12 latinnumeralsVVVV
                          ⬇️       >:C
  ⬆️ 272 ancientchinesesecret5
  ⬇️       he who goes to bed with squirrel wake up with no nuts! put a pair on and tell her whoos bose!

        ⬆️ 155 correctionerection
        ⬇️       *boss

              ⬆️ -88 ancientchinesesecret5
              ⬇️       fortune cookie says fuk u

                    ⬆️ 46 correctionerection
                    ⬇️       *fuck you too :)

  ⬆️ 181 sizzansizzles
  ⬇️       i think the best answer is to meet in the middle, like u/kittensundaes_111 said.  I think it would be best to hash this out over a nice dinner and wine.

        ⬆️ 155 cheese_marathon
        ⬇️       Don't forget me!

              ⬆️ 76 sizzansizzles
              ⬇️       Ddude.  I get the joke. like stop commenting on every post of mine

                    ⬆️ 24 cheese_marathon
                    ⬇️       make me!

alexanderpas t1_isuxh3y wrote

You might want to use the quote functionality for indentation, as this prevents it changing into code notation, and also adds those nice lines.

> ⬆️ +3 will_always_reply
> ⬇️ Great idea.

>> ⬆️ -2 nasty_gramps
>> ⬇️ and what does this adds to the conversation?

>>> ⬆️ +1 common_sensor >>> ⬇️ I could ask the same thing about your response.

>> ⬆️ +1 peace_keep_star
>> ⬇️ Don't pay attention to those other posters, it's indeed a great idea.


Obtuse_Mongoose t1_isvcq6s wrote

Thanks! This was what I was looking for in formatting. Newreddit makes it hard to find these tips.

If I had more time, I was going to do another hour of nonsensical additions, but then realized I had a Yankees game to watch. :)


Prof_Bloodsoe t1_isw20ja wrote

Upvoted for watching the much-anticipated (read: 21 hour delayed) conclusion to the ALDS.


the_humeister t1_isvb68t wrote

The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised


pier4r t1_isv2o6l wrote

In some subreddits there are "summarize bots". This could summarize Reddit easily.


aristotle2600 t1_istqb6l wrote


Look, the reality is that as a human, compared to an Orc, you ARE small and weak. Obviously SHE doesn't have a problem with this and sees other qualities in you. If your family is going to hold that against you, then that is THEIR problem and not yours. Or, if as I suspect, you only THINK it makes you "look weak," but the rest of your family just thinks it's a neat thing that happens, then you're very much being an insecure asshole here. I mean I get it, but c'mon; you knew what you were getting into when you started dating her. Maybe not the deadlifting tradition in particular, which btw dates back thousands of years, but the idea that as an orc, she is physically much stronger and more enduring than you, and people would see that, including your family.

The fact that she didn't break up with you over this means that she still has hope that you'll get over yourself. All she did instead was essentially say "Oh, well since I have to abide by all your cultural norms when I'm with your family and suppress my own rather than share them, it's only fair you be held to the same standard." Which is actually a really great opportunity to make amends. So I'd recommend you really throw yourself into her traditions for a little while. Run those laps! Go for the biggest hog! Drink the yellow drink, not just the red (tar'jahgg and kae-oor, respectively)! After a while, you should talk with her and tell her your sorry and that you'd love it if she continued to share her traditions with your family. And honestly, I bet any little kids get an enormous kick out of the deadlifting.


Sidaige OP t1_isu5m5o wrote

Awww, beautifully written, love it!


hillsfar t1_isvdeph wrote

Tang and Kool-aid. Got it.

Don’t forget thr Gah-tor-ad!


aristotle2600 t1_it4m8jv wrote

Ha! I actually didn't intend that, I just put together some random harsh syllables, but that's fantastic. Maybe my subconscious was like "you know what would be funny....."


Zoutaleaux t1_isufsdg wrote

OP, I think Y are kind of TA here. She might BTA too, depending on a clarifying question I have: are your family members ok with being deadlifted? Is your gf just sort of ambushing them, tying straps around the group, and getting in a quick set? Or is this something they are participating in willingly? If not, then she is also an asshole. Don't hogtie and orchandle families with out their consent, you know? But I'm guessing they were all fine with it and took it in good humor.

(Sidenote, OP. If you do get your shit together on this, the implication is that your gf is pretty skilled with rope and knots, so think through some of the fun potential applications there! Her shenanigans may have been a hint to you that you were clueless to! Not to overly stereotype, but I find that orcs often prefer to 'show' rather than 'tell'.)

Anyway. Your ego is feeling a little bruised but you need to get through that. Just because she is physically stronger than you doesn't mean you aren't a real man or that you are weak. In fact, I think she is trying to help you with that, if you could see it. Everybody knows you don't play with food in orc households that's ready to eat; you get right down to business. She's trying to bulk you up, my guy, so that you feel more secure about her. She's hoping that one day you'll be strong enough to deadlift her family members, individually at least. So don't be an elf about it, dude. Frankly your gf sounds cool as hell. She didn't break up with you, so this is probably salvageable. My advice is to apologize and try to be a better sport going forward. If you really want bonus points, some time when the two of you are alone, hand her the ropes and tell her you are ready for your deadlifting and see how things go.

Tl;dr YTA, and your gf is clearly dope as hell, so fix it, OP. And then report back.


dukeimre t1_isuogx0 wrote

Great comment until you dropped the casual anti-Eldar slur. Can't believe the mortal supremacist language I see in this sub. Reported


ScandinavianOtter t1_isut013 wrote

Eldar, huh? I think i found a fellow warhammer fellow


dukeimre t1_isux6ri wrote

Ha! Actually turns out Tolkien coined the word, and I was pulling from LotR... I do have friends who play Warhammer, though!


Nakotadinzeo t1_isvbuoy wrote

Humans... Always getting cause and effect backwards. Might wanna look into orc history and culture if you wanna join the clan. 😂

Don't feel bad though, my elvish in-law was just as caught off guard. Once you realize what's going on, you'll probably cherish this time with your orc side of the family.

You see, you're being prepared for fatherhood...

If one of your in-laws is having a child soon, the patriarch or matriarch has chosen you to be the godfather. This is lucky for you, because the majority of the attention will be on your brother in-law.

If your in-laws already have kids, it could be that something is happening that is being kept quiet. Cancer for example, and you are being chosen to be the godfather in lieu of whoever was chosen at the child's birth. Essentially, you're thought of as a better choice. Your wife's parents must absolutely adore you if that's the case.

There's also the possibility that... They just want grandchildren 🤣. Preparing you for fatherhood before anything is essentially the orc version of your parents asking "when are you gonna have me some grandchildren!?" Which is beyond acceptance, they want halflings to spoil.

It's important to remember, in the distant past only the patriarch would be allowed to sire children. This is because orc children are pretty strong from the getgo, and it was thought that only the strongest male could handle the task.

Thing is, we found herbs and more recently science along with the industrial food supply which makes getting enough protein easy.

At some point, your father in law may ask you to drink a concoction that contains his blood as well as many herbs. Do not turn this down! It will imbew you with orc strength and change the very biological function of your musculature. It's considered necessary to become a dad to orcs, and it's very difficult to source.

After my brother in-law took it, he got way way bigger than any elf I've ever seen!

If you're an asshole for anything, it's not talking to your wife about this. I'm sure she'll explain this to you, she probably hadn't even thought about you not understanding what's happening.

My biggest tip for you though, is to hit the gym until your dog tired every day. You're an orc in the hearts of your clan, show them you take it seriously and they will love you for it.


PyrokineticZulu t1_iswgsul wrote

> It's important to remember, in the distant past only the patriarch would be allowed to sire children.

This must be why Orcs are so single minded nowadays. Lack of genetic diversity, skewed against males unfortunately

No hate to your in laws, of course. But the Niodiku elves (My mother’s side) did so the other way around. Like humans, we used to believe a child could have multiple fathers, so a matriarch would sire a child with many patriarchs and other lower ranked males.

Unlike humans, this did hold some truth due to our biology. But again, like humans, we drifted from the practice onto harems and nuclear families (Like the Orcs) and and our genetic health plummeted as a result.

Yhough I am undeniably half human (bleh) I consider the other elves my Mother tried to conceive with my foster fathers.


Nakotadinzeo t1_isyken4 wrote

Whoa, no need for the casual racism... Like I said, that was long long ago. We can't hold the ignorant actions of our ancestors in modern contexts. It's not like the elves knew about DNA ether at this time, and if ether did things would have likely been different. The past is a foreign country as they say, and I think many of our struggles are quite intersectional and can be overcome together.

I am glad to hear that you keep strong family bonds, stupport systems are incredibly important.

Try not to hate your human half, humans have their strengths as we all do. It is something special that you may have gifts unique to you because of your dual parentage.

Not to lean into stereotypes, but if you have an elf's eye and a human curiosity, that could make for a very passionate astrophysicist!


PyrokineticZulu t1_iszd6ei wrote

Well, yes, I have been awfully curious about these “virtual consoles” from Nipon. I think the technology has great practical use in space faring, but most of you won’t live to see what I have planned.


Nakotadinzeo t1_it15cpj wrote

Ah, the comp-sci lab at my university just got one of these things.

Quantum computation is quite a feat, there's a lot we can learn from entanglement. Like why magic faded 400 years after the oblivion crisis, if there are parallel universes, cracking the codes holding the elder scrolls deep underground, quantum communication.

We haven't had it long though, the tech scholars are still figuring it out. I have heard that the got it to successfully play Doom.


PyrokineticZulu t1_it17jeg wrote

Yes. Doom. Gore, chunks and bile. Take me back to my days in the 1785 Anglo-Igbo war or something. Don’t remember. I do remember single-handedly terrorizing British villagers and city dwellers.

Or was that France? Or Germany? Or Rome?


Hemingbird t1_isuoy6l wrote


"P-Put me down, Goblina!"

"Uhh ... You're bald."

Goblina stood in the middle of our living room, triumphant and confused. My father squirmed above her.

"Not like that!" he hissed. "Not. Like. That!"

After the incident—it was the third time my orc girlfriend Goblina had deadlifted a relative of mine against their wishes on this day alone—we all ate ice cream together in silence. My father kept stealthily touching the top of his head. Uncle Peter stared at Goblina with a look of awe. 350 pounds and she'd lifted him above her head without breaking a sweat.

"Goblana, I think it would be wonderful for you to meet my friend Sue," said my grandma.

"It's Goblina," I corrected her.

She turned to my orc girlfriend. "How about this Sunday? We can call it 'brunch'."

"Sue?" said uncle Peter. "Isn't she the one from your bridge club that owes you money?"

Grandma's cheeks went rouge. "Well! Maybe she owes me a dollar or two. Does she? Oh, perhaps you're right. I didn't even think of that."

Earlier, Goblina deadlifted my grandma as a greeting and she didn't even bat an eyelid. "Interesting," my grandma had said. "How interesting."

My father let out a deep groan. "Your grandson's girlfriend is not your hired muscle." Then he added, "If you absolutely need some help getting your money back, I guess I can step in."

"You?" said my grandma. "What are you going to do, write her a stern letter?"

"Folks have said that I look quite intimidating."

Uncle Peter raised his brows. "I think they mean you look sort of like a rapist."

"Rapist!" cried my father. "What the hell do you mean by that?"

"Hmm," said grandma. She squinted her eyes at my father. "That might do the trick."


"If I were to leave the two of you alone for a minute ... The imagination has a tendency to run wild, you know."

My father left the table. Hopefully he was headed to the bathroom to shave off his pencil mustache.

Goblina sat with hunched shoulders scooping up tiny bits of ice cream. Of course my mother had chosen pistachio. "You have a lovely home," she said.

"Well, it's no cave!" my mother replied.

"Yeah, but it's still pretty nice."

My mother frowned.

"Brunch?" my grandma mouthed. She made a fist, crackling with arthritis.

"Boy I'm stuffed," said uncle Peter. He slapped his belly. "Not even Hercules could lift me now."

Goblina's left eyebrow twitched.


Hemingbird t1_isuv4jv wrote


Goblina's family took turns lifting me. Her little brother, Gobrey; her elder sister, Gobannah; her mother, Gobessica; her father, Gobilliam; her grandmother, Gobanelle; and her grandfather, Gobius.

"It's like lifting a feather!" cried Gobius.

"No, more like a potato," said Gobrey.

After they'd all deadlifted me and put me down, they stood in line with hopeful looks plastered all over their greenish faces. I turned towards Goblina.

"R-Right!" she said. "Alex is human, as you all know. He doesn't really ... lift people."

A silence fell over the wonderfully-decorated cave. Goblin Christmas was a big deal, and Goblina's family celebrated it with an intensity I'd only seen in my own family after an unknown relative had left us a hefty inheritance.

I cleared my throat.

"And that's more," she added, "he doesn't really like ... being lifted, either."

Gobilliam shook his head. "Nonsense. Everyone enjoys being lifted. Everyone enjoys lifting people. That's what we do."

"Ah," said Goblina, "but the humans—"

"Is this about your uncle?" asked Gobessica. "We heard about what happened. Is he alright?"

"Oh. Yes. He's fine. A couple of stitches, that's all."

"What happened?" asked Gobannah.

I looked over at Goblina. She gulped. "I got a bit excited and ... I tossed him right up at the ceiling fan."

Gobilliam let out a roar of laughter. "That's my girl! That's the strength of our family!"

Goblina's grandfather scoffed. "So you're worried you'll throw us into the ceiling fan? This is a cave! There's no fan. The temperature regulation is all natural. And frankly, I don't think you'd be able to lift me an inch!"

"Grandpa!" said Goblina.

"What? The boy thinks he's so strong that he'll hurt us, and he's just a weak little huma huma?"

"Dad!" cried Gobessica. "Watch your language."

Gobius shrugged.

"Actually," I said, "I don't think I'd be able to lift any of you. And Goblina ... When you throw my relatives up into the air it makes me feel a bit ... emasculated."

They all stared at me. "I can't help it," I added. "I feel embarrassed."

Goblina look deeply into my eyes. "Why haven't you said something?"

"I don't know ... I mean, I think it's really cool that you're strong. But I'm a guy. I'm supposed to protect you."

Gobannah snorted.

"Protected by a shrimp! Gwahahha."

Gobius rolled on the cave floor in a fit of laughter.

"You never said he was so funny!" said Gobanelle. "So that is why you like him. We discussed it before you two came. None of us could come up with an answer."

"Grandma! That's rude!"

"I'm serious," I said.

They all stopped laughing. My words echoed through the cave, coming back to mock me.

After a while, Gobius said, "There's no shame in being a weak little huma huma." He nodded to himself. "Orcs lift each other as a greeting but it is also a way of maintaining our strength and of making sure that we're all strong enough to defend each other."

"That's right," said Gobanelle. "Of course you feel weak and pathetic and like a little shrimp when you can't lift the ones you love!"

"It's like the old ballad," said Gobius. "You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains. You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas."

The rest of the orcs joined in. "I am strong, when I am on your shoulders. You raise me up to more than I can be."

Their eyes twinkled with tears.

Gobius suddenly clapped his hands together. "That settles it!" he said. "You shall become strong, my boy. You shall become strong!"


PyrokineticZulu t1_isurkoq wrote

YTA, humans have such frivolous regard for non-human cultures. Even their own cultures among various ethnic groups.

Though, I understand. As a hybrid, my human (bleh) father took up to his last days to learn respect for Niodiku culture. Or “African-Elves”, or “Black Elves” as you people throw about. He barely respected the neighboring Igbo tribes. But he got there. I made the same mistake moving up north to Egypt. While the tribes and cults were easy to relate to, the city people lived in a different world. They just loved to talk so much. Way too much. Too familiar with people they just don’t know. And too familiar with the Anglo tourists and their blatant disrespect for the Pharaohs of old. They deserve none, but hatred takes more energy than ignorance.

Too many people fancied me, too quickly, I understand 1 partner every two hundred or so years but less then 50 years after my second husband died I had a woman try to make friends with me. Ridiculous. My mother waited 400 years before my human (bleh) father even knew what a Niodiku was.

Turns out it’s how humans cope and comfort each other, to distract from their aggressively short lifespan. Father died when I was 60, still a baby. I barely think about him anymore, but since we’re on the subject of love between clans I ought.

I’m rambling, where was I. Yeah, your pissed your orcish girl-fiend off with that suggestion. I know nothing of orcs but I guess you’re out of shape, chubby maybe. She hated you opening your mouth about strength in your state, so you might as well run it through with your trails. The fact she hasn’t twisted your spine that very instant means she’ll probably forgive you.


Lord_Boo t1_isv6y5h wrote

INFO: What, exactly, do you mean when it makes you feel small and weak?

I'll get this out of the way right now, if this is an emasculation thing, YTA twice over. One for making a stink over the fact that your girlfriend is stronger than you. If you need to feel like a big strong man and protect your dainty lady, do her the favor of telling her she deserves a man more secure than you at her side and end things. And YTA even more that instead of dumping your bendy straw ass her family wants to bring you in and make you stronger so you don't feel like shit about that, and then you COMPLAIN?! Forget looking for a girlfriend, just get a fucking hamster if all you want is something to be bigger and stronger than without putting in the effort.

That being said, is this more of a vulnerability thing? That's valid, and something that gnomes and goblins and the like have to deal with all the time. Let her know that the culture you and your family are from is very different to hers. That for you guys, getting picked up and slung around can come off as threatening, it's not how you guys show affection. In cultures like orcs or even Goliaths, something like that is a way of saying, "see how strong I am? If you're in danger I'll protect you." feats of strength are displays of safety in cultures with a strong emphasis on athletics or combat. But you need to sit her down and talk to her about this. Let her know that for your family, that comes off as "see how strong I am? Upset me and I'll snap you like a twig." she'll need to make that effort to adjust for your family, but you need to make an effort too. That's how she shows affection in all likelihood so you need to get used to being dead lifted and not taking offense to that. And definitely be gracious that they're trying to include you but you can politely decline if that's not your scene. But don't be afraid to open up more, maybe offer to show them some of your interests, like archery or alchemy or divination. And in this case I'd say NAH, just some growing pains over a bit of culture shock.


Icy_Wildcat t1_isvocs2 wrote

EDIT: Hey, OP here. Apparently we all needed to sit down and chat about why the whole running and lifting started, especially after I picked up my GF's father(I'll refer to him as F) with one hand and carried him back to the house like a logger just because I heard his wife(who I'll refer to as M) calling us back in for dinner. After we all ate, I got up for more running, lifting, and whatever else was needed, but F stopped me. Instead, he, M, and my GF(who I'll now refer to in this story as G) went over to the living room, inviting me to sit with them. After I did, F took a deep breath, looked at me, and told me to discuss why exactly I was feeling small and weak with informal orc greetings.

Turns out, it was a mix of culture shock, which they all expected, and both insecurity and stress, which G was most concerned about. Both M and F understood what I was going through, but they were taken aback when I told them about the root of my insecurities. It was my ex, a half-elf whom I'll call K. Turns out, G had dated K in the past, but they broke up due to some argument neither of them wanted to talk about. Turns out, this sparked something in K, because when I met her, she was as sweet as sugar, yet I soon found out that she was a massive racist.

Turns out I was starting to believe what she said about me once I broke up with her. Eventually, I managed to get the stress out with the running, lifting, and chores, yet M and F both thought they overreacted a bit. I already reconciled with G, so that went well. Unfortunately, I accidentally frightened them a bit when I deadlifted all 3 of them at once. I'll definitely have to adjust to this.


madeforquestions55 t1_iswx5pn wrote

Not the asshol.

Orc, twonty thrE, fEmail.

We prize Rselves on two things, bein g brutal and cunnin, and being cunnin and brutal. Dead lifting is a evelushunarry nessessitty. It helps us carry more bigger stuff than if we lift tha regular way. My girl frend is a human, and she can only lift 2 hundrid and ffifty pounds, I dunno how mucht hat is in killos. But I can dead lift all most 4 hundrid kilos.

She's a docter and sikeology, but she still comes to Jim with me to pre pear for mum and dad to visits for tha holAdays.

She don't ev en win tha resseling with tha litl orcs at Orctobberfest. But we still let's her eat tha roast with us cuz orcs don't like seein no one go hungry.

You don't got to. Be bigest in tha pack. Tats tha top orcs job, to be tha bigest. You just got to be strong and be red E to ressel and partisipayt in tha fightin. Orcs love fightin! Re membur that and you got all tha ansers fur wat you got to do to in press yor ork family.


Politirotica t1_isvqq4h wrote


Orc women are attracted to strength. You are pink and spongy, and would not normally attract the love of a stalwart orcess. You must have appeared strong to her in some way that does not involve the physical, probably being apparently secure in your pink squishiness. You have belied that by being insecure in your obviously weak and insufficient masculinity, and now she's having doubts.

She loves you, and she loves your family. That's why she lifts them at gatherings. Do they mind when she shows them favor with Kor'Spach at your snowtide banquets? My experience with humans is that everyone enjoys a good Spach'ing, as long as consent is gotten and ceremonial handles are used. I assume they enjoy it. She enjoys it. Why do you feel threatened? Orc life was brutal and short until very recent history; the love shown at holidays and gatherings is key to Orc identity. Every one may be the last, and must be feted accordingly. You took away something culturally important to her because you were embarrassed and ashamed of yourself, and you made her embarrassed and ashamed of herself in the process.

She has you playing child's games when you spend seasontides with her family because she needs you to show her that you are the strong man she fell in love with. But those are childish games, for the simplicity of youth, and will never suffice to demonstrate your prowess to her, for you are pink and squishy and insufficiently orc. Instead, you must again show her your strength in spite of your nature: apologize.


FarHarbard t1_isvt9pc wrote

NTA She needs to understand that as a human family, there are certain standards that she needs to uphold in human society.

There's nothing wrong with being an Orc, but she needs to understand that it is inappropriate for anyone to lift you without your explicit consent. It isn't a problem unique to your situation. Orcs have a history of not understanding consent.

Why are you even hanging out with her family? The entire problem is too much orc culture, if you want her to act more human then you guys should be spending more time with your fanily anyways.

Maybe invite your families together for a big party? Introduce the orcs to eating utensils and napkins. If she has fewer of these barbaric influences in her own family, then she's more likely to remember how to behave in public.

>!This made my skin crawl but there were too many responses of "YTA: entirely sensible advice"!<


LadyAlekto t1_isx83s5 wrote

Well done writing one of the usual useless viewpoints :D


Phoenix4235 t1_isxyos7 wrote

It gave the whole thing more AITA flavor, so I say well done.


wealthycashier t1_isvw5co wrote

I love her.

I truly do.

Even as she lay there, I loved her. I loved her more than I knew. Even after all the stress I've gone through, the lack of sleep over the last few months; even after deadlifting live animals with no prior experience; even after all the embarrassing family dinners where I couldn't even move their chairs because of how heavy they were. After all that, I loved her with every beat of my heart. I didn't tell her that enough. I wish I told her that more.

I don't appreciate her enough. She took care of all the heavy work at home; fixing broken sinks, filling holes in the roof, even repairing the old 1976 Plymouth Volare my dad got me as an 18th birthday present. My feelings of insecurity only worsened after I complained online, like some kind of coward who couldn't figure it out himself. I whined about my insecurities to every stranger possible, thinking they'd side with me and that they'd Miraculously provide some solution. Instead, I found out I was just being an insensitive prick who didn't even bother to learn his wife's culture.

I promise I'll do better. I'll do everything better. I'll fix the sink, I'll fill the holes in our roof. I'll fix that damn car I should've replaced as soon as I could afford it. just please... Please get up.

She didn't even see it coming. I've seen her deadlift my uncle, a hefty man to say it nicely. She could've folded people like this as soon as they looked at her, but she didn't. Instead, they hit her over the head with God knows what, and she fell. And I realized how much I had been falling behind. How much of my weight I'd been letting her pull. Tonight, it's my turn.

Over the last few months, I hadn't bulked up much. I hadn't bulked up any, really, I just toned out. I was still as skinny as before, but now I had some definition to it. Compared to my wife, I'm still as meekly looking as I've always been. Maybe that's why they got so close, why they mocked me. because they thought I was just some meekly weirdo.

As soon as the first one got close enough, I pulled back, and my hand snapped forward, like a rubber band. His lower jaw almost collided with the back of his neck, as my fingers snaps against his chin. before he could even realize he'd been hit, I swung with my other hand, open palmed, and slapped the shit out of him. It wasn't as hard as my first throw, the adrenaline had already begun to wear off, but it still knocked him over. Even though it left my hand red, it still felt pretty damn good.
But my head hurt pretty bad. The second and third guy jumped me, forcing my head into cold rock, trying to hold me down, as they hit and punched me, trying to get me to stop moving. But I didn't. I grabbed the second one's hand and pulled, bringing the side of his head to my face. I bit down, snaring cheek and pulled layers of skin off his face. He tried to pull back, but I didn't let him. I pulled his hand again, bringing his head even closer, until I could see his ear. As quickly as my body could, I extended my neck and bit his ear, pulling my head back into the chilled cement below, banging it down as his ear stretched taut.
I rolled my body, pulling him with me, until he was against the ground, and I began beating on him. I lifted and dropped my hands over and over and over and over again until the only distinguishable feature about him was the stretched and reddened ear.

I'm not sure where the first guy went, and to be honest I didn't really notice he was gone. I rolled back off the guy I had beaten, and then rolled again until I was on my stomach, and i pushed against the ground. My hands hurt, they were red, and the bones literally shook trying to support my weight, but I pushed up. I pushed until I could lift my foot under me and push against the ground until I was upright. I turned to see her. She was still beautiful, if you'd believe it. Maybe more so than before. Maybe I saw more of it after tonight. Either way, I saw the best woman I could have ever asked for. The woman who saw my insecurities and tried to help me beat them. The woman who helped around the house because she called it home. The woman who chose me and let me choose her.

Tonight, would be special. Tonight, would be, if you'd believe it, one of my happiest memories. I was happy I could finally be helpful, glad I could love her the same way she loved me. Tonight's events would have made any Orc proud.

And tomorrow we're buying a new car.


Alesthar t1_iswdtrm wrote


Now I can somewhat understand. Afterall, even if a human being came and started deadlifting your family like they were paperweights, it would make someone feel, not as strong. However, the issue is that the insecurity is there with someone you are dating. Going by human and orc standards, her consistently coming over tells me that you guys have to pretty serious and committed, and so with that, you’re telling me that the woman who you’ve been with, likely intimate with, and maybe even discussed the future with, makes you insecure? Yeah, that’s awful.

The fact of the matter is that orcs are superior to humans in physical strength. Humans have their own benefits and pluses over orcs, and it’s likely that one of those things was among the reasons she chose you. She knew she was with a human being, and knew that she’d have some weaknesses compared to you, and yet here she is, perfectly fine dating you. You should be able to do the same.

Another thing is that, you may be one of the few respectful people who choose someone based on personality rather than looks, but it’s clear you don’t research other cultures, because if you did you’d recognize that this is part of her culture, and the culture of many different orcs, ogres, and the like. I know human culture isn’t like that, but at the very least make acknowledgment of the fact.

Final thing I can say is, she, along with her family, are probably making you do this since she can’t do that with your people. Fair is fair and compromise is the name of a relationship you know. I’d just say to take it, you have a powerful family willing to help you feel more secure and stronger, might as well take full advantage.

TL;DR: YTA, be better.


Teedander t1_isx54pm wrote

NSA, on this occasion.

You can ask, but she has the right to decline. She’s just trying to include you in her family activities - have you even communicated and said you’re actually too small and weak for lap-running and hog-heaving?

But, mate, I looked through your post history and you have muuuuch bigger problems. Clearly your girlfriend is feeling really left out. You wrote a post in relationship_advice about your girlfriend being quiet and withdrawn when meeting your family, but reading it was like listening to someone who’s never met an orc before. Your family made salad?! How is she supposed to chew that with her tusks? And to make her feel welcome, your parents shook her hand! So insensitive - I bet she had to let go of her double-handed axe right in the doorway. I don’t know about the orcs where you live, but around the Eastern mines orcs head-butt with the best of dwarves. And your brother just had to offer her a coat in case she was cold! Why didn’t you step in and tell him off for not respecting her right to display her battle scars?

So many things wrong with this relationship, smh. You need to remember she’s not human and you need to stick up for her in front of your family before she beheads them for the disrespect. It’ll be your fault when you’re surrounded by the headless bodies of your loved ones and your girlfriend leaves you for a more understanding (and handsome) dwarf. She deserves better. Overall - YTA.


AegisGram t1_isyadu6 wrote

NTAH you should dump her. Hey Bro have you considered Cryptid. Your problem is that your living that week beta mortal grind set. You need to upgrade to the Sigma Cryptid lifestyle. I was just like you until I followedt the 5 easy steps and now I’m gonna be celebrating my 400th birthday with a castle full of hotties.

1:give up on humanity.

2:get like 3-4 friends to go on a trip with you. Make sure to stay hydrated

3: go to the big castle on Mt.Bloodthorne.

4:this is the big one. I can’t just give it away but I’ll tell you in person.

5: Get to living that Cryptid lifestyle.

Come on bro we are all waiting for you at Castle Bloodthorne.


Javascap t1_isxhgah wrote

Dude, orc culture places a huge emphasis on personal strength and personal improvement. It's been one of their big things going back for centuries. Her displays of strength, whether lifting your entire family at the same time, suplexing ever bigger boulders, or throwing spears through trees, all of those are things she is so proud she is able to do. She is thrilled she can show off those feats of strength to you.

Given your post, she feels that her physical abilities surpassing yours make you feel uncomfortable and is responding in a way that seems entirely logical and consistent with her culture: self improvement. She wants to help you be stronger so you don't feel uncomfortable around her because she loves you. However, you are human. It would take a lifetime of work to ever come close to the feats of physical strength an average orc child is able to achieve. Despite that, and despite having grown up in a culture that massively prizes physical strength, she sees something in you that is more important than bulging muscles. There's something about you that makes her happy. Heck, her family sees it and is happy for their daughter and you.

Let go of your worries about not measuring up physically. It's ok that you're not as strong as she is. Let her know you love her, keep doing what you do, and as always be kind to her and yourself. Relationships across cultures can be difficult, but with love, patience, and communication I promise you two can keep making it together.


LorianGunnersonSedna t1_isy1f9p wrote

Man, this is totally relatable, I mean I'm dating a Barbaress.

The culture shock thing isn't what you should be concerned about, because they obviously adore you. They wouldn't let you touch the hogs if that wasn't the case; orcs and Barbarians are super picky about food, and outsiders aren't even allowed at the table if they're not considered family.

(Don't get me started on Brobdinian gatherings, where just a little too much sunwater will have everyone with whitemoss speaking Brobdi and leaving you in the lurch, whether you're an outsider or not.)

Don't worry about how much they're making you lift. Do they speak about you in Orcish like you aren't there, or deliberately exclude you from anything? I think we need some INFO as to whether you feel otherwise comfortable with the family...I know elves have the habit of being partially xenophobic as a whole, so the fact you're dating an orc means that little character flaw isn't one of yours.

If they're making every effort to include you, relax. I would probably go with N T A because she might've been scaring your family members by lifting them, and I don't think she meant to.


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hannahneedle t1_isvtf73 wrote

We need to make a AITA subreddit for fiction stuff like this, like how we have "am i the cloaca"


xwhy t1_isw3kf4 wrote

Maybe so. There was another AITA thread yesterday which had a bunch of responses. Could be the new trend here.


14muffins t1_iswe9eq wrote

yeah. I wish there was a sub for these sort of fake stories. maybe w/ some other popular subs like TIFU, relationship_advice, confessions, etc. or like nosleep but not scary.


fuzzything44 t1_iswv3cl wrote

Something like... /r/fantasyrelationships?


14muffins t1_isylcoa wrote

yeah!! i've been looking for a sub like this for ages!!!