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Nakotadinzeo t1_isvbuoy wrote

Humans... Always getting cause and effect backwards. Might wanna look into orc history and culture if you wanna join the clan. 😂

Don't feel bad though, my elvish in-law was just as caught off guard. Once you realize what's going on, you'll probably cherish this time with your orc side of the family.

You see, you're being prepared for fatherhood...

If one of your in-laws is having a child soon, the patriarch or matriarch has chosen you to be the godfather. This is lucky for you, because the majority of the attention will be on your brother in-law.

If your in-laws already have kids, it could be that something is happening that is being kept quiet. Cancer for example, and you are being chosen to be the godfather in lieu of whoever was chosen at the child's birth. Essentially, you're thought of as a better choice. Your wife's parents must absolutely adore you if that's the case.

There's also the possibility that... They just want grandchildren 🤣. Preparing you for fatherhood before anything is essentially the orc version of your parents asking "when are you gonna have me some grandchildren!?" Which is beyond acceptance, they want halflings to spoil.

It's important to remember, in the distant past only the patriarch would be allowed to sire children. This is because orc children are pretty strong from the getgo, and it was thought that only the strongest male could handle the task.

Thing is, we found herbs and more recently science along with the industrial food supply which makes getting enough protein easy.

At some point, your father in law may ask you to drink a concoction that contains his blood as well as many herbs. Do not turn this down! It will imbew you with orc strength and change the very biological function of your musculature. It's considered necessary to become a dad to orcs, and it's very difficult to source.

After my brother in-law took it, he got way way bigger than any elf I've ever seen!

If you're an asshole for anything, it's not talking to your wife about this. I'm sure she'll explain this to you, she probably hadn't even thought about you not understanding what's happening.

My biggest tip for you though, is to hit the gym until your dog tired every day. You're an orc in the hearts of your clan, show them you take it seriously and they will love you for it.


PyrokineticZulu t1_iswgsul wrote

> It's important to remember, in the distant past only the patriarch would be allowed to sire children.

This must be why Orcs are so single minded nowadays. Lack of genetic diversity, skewed against males unfortunately

No hate to your in laws, of course. But the Niodiku elves (My mother’s side) did so the other way around. Like humans, we used to believe a child could have multiple fathers, so a matriarch would sire a child with many patriarchs and other lower ranked males.

Unlike humans, this did hold some truth due to our biology. But again, like humans, we drifted from the practice onto harems and nuclear families (Like the Orcs) and and our genetic health plummeted as a result.

Yhough I am undeniably half human (bleh) I consider the other elves my Mother tried to conceive with my foster fathers.


Nakotadinzeo t1_isyken4 wrote

Whoa, no need for the casual racism... Like I said, that was long long ago. We can't hold the ignorant actions of our ancestors in modern contexts. It's not like the elves knew about DNA ether at this time, and if ether did things would have likely been different. The past is a foreign country as they say, and I think many of our struggles are quite intersectional and can be overcome together.

I am glad to hear that you keep strong family bonds, stupport systems are incredibly important.

Try not to hate your human half, humans have their strengths as we all do. It is something special that you may have gifts unique to you because of your dual parentage.

Not to lean into stereotypes, but if you have an elf's eye and a human curiosity, that could make for a very passionate astrophysicist!


PyrokineticZulu t1_iszd6ei wrote

Well, yes, I have been awfully curious about these “virtual consoles” from Nipon. I think the technology has great practical use in space faring, but most of you won’t live to see what I have planned.


Nakotadinzeo t1_it15cpj wrote

Ah, the comp-sci lab at my university just got one of these things.

Quantum computation is quite a feat, there's a lot we can learn from entanglement. Like why magic faded 400 years after the oblivion crisis, if there are parallel universes, cracking the codes holding the elder scrolls deep underground, quantum communication.

We haven't had it long though, the tech scholars are still figuring it out. I have heard that the got it to successfully play Doom.


PyrokineticZulu t1_it17jeg wrote

Yes. Doom. Gore, chunks and bile. Take me back to my days in the 1785 Anglo-Igbo war or something. Don’t remember. I do remember single-handedly terrorizing British villagers and city dwellers.

Or was that France? Or Germany? Or Rome?