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AutoModerator t1_iuew2zp wrote

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borisdidnothingwrong t1_iuf3zi2 wrote

Calvin climbed up on the counter, and opened the cupboard door. He took out a can of tuna and a loaf of bread. Then he opened the other cupboard and took out a bowl.

He climbed back down, and took the mayo out of the fridge.

Carefully following the directions his mother had taught him, he mixed up the ingredients to make the filling, and precisely portioned it on the bread.

He placed the treasure on a plate, and left the house.

He took this out to the tree furthest from the house, and left it, with a piece of string loosely dangling from an overhead branch.

In the morning, he grabbed his pith helmet and ran downstairs.

He walked through the living room, and saw his father. "So long, Pop! I'm off to check my tiger trap!" he said. "I rigged a tuna fish sandwich yesterday, so I'm sure to have a Tiger by now!"

"They like tuna fish, huh?" his father calmly asked.

Calvin replied, "Tigers will do anything for a tuna fish sandwich!"

From the reeling Heavens, Spaceman Spiff, the Eldest God, Lord of Creation and Guardian of the Many Roads to the Infinite Hells, Eldritch One, Font of Thunder, Destroyer of the Unworthy saw this and rejoiced. There was a chance to double His Congregation.

The animal woke. It hung by one foot from a trap. In its forepaws it held an offering.

He knew that The Child would be coming soon. He knew, without understanding the whys of it, the conversation taking place a few hundred feet away.

He knew his name: Hobbes.

He took a bite of the offering. In the distant echo of the child's voice he heard the words, "Tigers will do anything for a tuna fish sandwich.

Around a mouthful of food, he spake: "We're kind of stupid that way."