"Hey, uh, Earl?" My wife Janet called from the back door. "What breed did ya' say these new chickens were?"

I looked up from my breakfast, swallowing the scrambled eggs before responding. "Jersey Giants, why?"

Janet glanced back into the yard, then back to me. "One of them is, well, different."

I took a sip of my black coffee. "You think he's a Roo? Happens, 's hard to tell when they're youngn's-"

"Its breathing fire and speaking english." Janet blurted out.

I froze mid-sip, coffee mug suspended by my lips. "You what now?"

Janet stepped to the side, giving me a clear view to the back yard... and the smoke billowing from within the coop.

"What in tarnation!" I cried, dropping the mug and sprinting outside. "Grab the extinguisher, there's a fahr!"

I sprinted to the coop, and flung open the side door, prepared to rescue as many birds as I could. As it turned out, there was only one chicken in there, snuggled into the nesting box where they preferred to lay eggs.

I grabbed the chicken and pulled it through the door, leaving behind the eggs it was brooding upon.

"UNHAND ME, HUMAN!" the bird screamed, belching a small puff of fire from its beak. "OR THOU SHALT FACE MY WRATH".

I dropped the bird, and took a few steps back.

"Sorry, Henrietta, but there's a fahr in there." I said to the chicken, realizing just how ridiculous that was. Apologizing to a chicken, much less talking to a chicken, was just absurd.

"I AM NO HENRIETTA! I AM KHEFLEACHS, MOTHER OF DRAGONS! AND I SHALL RESTORE MY CLAN TO OUR FORMER GLORY!" the bird said, punctuating its statement with a tremendous belch of flames for a bird of its size. This happened to equate to roughly the size of a cigarette lighter.

"Erm, what's tha' now?" I said, momentarily forgetting the issue of the burning coop.

"FOOL!" Henrietta cried, flapping her arms with irritation. "I AM NOT INCLINED TO REPEAT MYSELF TO SATISFY YOUR MEAGER CURIOSITY."

Janet opened the back door, holding the fire extinguisher aloft. "Earl, I think thisn's empty." she said, shaking it slightly.

From between her legs, our dog Biscuit emerged, drawn by all the commotion. She sniffed, and caught sight of the loose bird standing beside me.

"Biscuit, NO!" I shouted, as the dog leapt into motion.

"STAY BACK, BEAST, BEFORE I AM FORCED TO SILENCE YOU ETERNAAAAAAAAAAAA" Henrietta screamed, as Biscuit snatched her torso in his jaws.

With a sickening snap, a small burst of sparks and blood shot across the lawn, and Henrietta fell limp.

"Biscuit!" I scolded. "Bad dog!"

Biscuit dropped Henrietta's dead body, lowering his head apologetically. I felt along the chicken's body, and found no signs of life.

I turned back to the coop, and found the source of the smoke.

Three eggs lay in the nesting box that Henrietta had occupied just minutes earlier. They were a strange texture, almost like a fish scale instead of the smooth eggshell I would expect. The eggs were each emitting a plume of smoke.

"Damnit, the eggs turned." I muttered, collecting the warm eggs with one hand.

Holding the eggs in one hand and Henrietta's corpse in the other, I walked back towards the house. "Janet" I called to my wife. "Could ya' get a trash bag for these?"

/r/SlightlyColdStories for more