"I wanted to extend, to you, an invitation. I'm basically what people from your reality would call a God. Hence the mind reading. We're omniscient. You're somewhat of a legend where I'm from."

Yep that's it, I've finally fuckin lost it

"On the contrary jack, you're about to find the truth"

"Stop fuckin doing that"

"I Can't, you humans think so loudly."

"Okay, so if you're not a hallucination, which I still don't believe, then why are you here, and how are bones that resemble mine in a tree?"

"Oh, they're your bones. Well, not the ones you're using right now, but they have your DNA, your lumpy ass skull, the whole nine yards."

"Okay, why?"

"To prove to you that I was real, jack."

…

" wow, stunned silence, didn't think you were capable of that"

"You don't know what the FUCK I'm capable of!"

"Of course I do Jack, you've been watched since you were born. That's pretty much all we do, watch things."

"So you're a gang of fucking incorporial perverts then! INCORPERVERT!"

"Ah there's that Douglas humor that we've grown so fond of. Listen, i want to ask you to come with me to my dimension."

"And why, pray fuckin tell, would i wanna do that?"

"I'm not your enemy Jack, quite the contrary, in my home, time doesn't move, and we can see into your dimension without being seen unless we want to be. We're ghosts, jack. We're not dead people, we're just people that never were. Not here at least. You see, eternity gets boring, so we shake up our little can of bees sometimes. We're trickster gods, Jack, Loki and the Monkey King, Anansi and Eris, all of them. All us"

"And what does that have to do with me?"

"We think you're fucking hilarious."

"Yeah, well, me too, but what does that have to do with anything?" 

"I think your talents are wasted here jack. A woodworkers suicide note being written to the rythem of Rush's "The trees"? And the fact that they actually bought it? Cmooooon, classic."

"I was so fuckin proud of that one,"

"As you should be, so what do you say jack, want to come wreak havoc as an immortal, omniscient, prankster?"

"Nah, I'll pass.

…

Hah ha! Whose been stunned into scilence this time, fuckin incorpervert!"

"But, why?"

"You said that the shit I do amuses even you guys, right?"

"Yeah,"

"So that means I've made it. I've got even the eyes of the unknown pointed in my direction, everybody knows Jackson motherfuckin Douglas! Why would I need to actually live forever if my name will never be forgotten? All the positives with none of the pain!"

"… you really are an asshole, are you"

"Well if you were watching me, you'd know that, wouldn't you, ecto-cocksucker?"

Good one, jack

"Did you just compliment your own shitty insult in your head?"

"Fuck, I forgot you could do that"

"Let me get this straight though, you, jackson Douglas, would rather stay in this hellhole of an existence as a mortal, then come with me and live forever, fucking with people indiscrinately with no reprocussions?"

"Yep." 

"Wow."

"Yeeeeeep. So, uh, we done here?"

"I'm not taking the bones back"

"Which bones?"

"The ones in the tree."

" Oh I was hoping you wouldn't, imagine the shitstorm after they find my body a second time? Ooooooh, I gotta figure out what I'm gonna do."

"So, um, yeah, I'll see you I guess. You won't see me, as is the nature of things, but, enjoy mortality, or, something"

"Will do"

Man thank christ, or loki, or whatever the fuck is going on, that he's gone, I finally have the best company I can ask for back, my inner monolouge

I should call Heather, she's probably even more passed than she was

'Ring'

'Click'

"You better have a real good expl-"

"I put the bones in the tree. I'm a motherfucking legend!"

"Jack!"