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photoshopper42 t1_iy9vzfo wrote

I wonder what happened if I just decided to boycott. What would happen? Would the author of my life just simply stop writing if I decided to lay in bed for the rest of my life? Would the author be able to force me out of bed by just writing about it? Am I enslaved to whatever the author says I have to do?

I decide to try it. I don't want to solve a mystery that has no real world implications, it obviously doesn't matter if I am just a character in a book. I lay in bed and just stare at the ceiling. As I do I begin to wonder... But what if maybe this is part of the author's story. What if he is writing for me to lay in bed and contemplate my existence and if any of it matters? I almost sit up in rebellion, but then think about what if that is the author again, making me realize his plan in an effort to get me out of bed. Nice try author. I'm staying in bed. I don't play by your rules. I'm going to stay in bed and there is nothing you can do to stop me. Your book will not get a third act as I am not going to solve any case for you. Sorry bro. Or sis.

Is this creator a man or woman I wonder? I could probably figure out if you are male or female, I am a famous detective after all. I'm sure there is some evidence that could lead me to learn more about you. But no! I am a retired detective! I am not going to solve any more mysteries, I don't care. I just want to lay in bed and watch YouTube on my phone. You can't do anything to stop me.

I think about the case I left behind. How a dozen children have been lost and may die unless we solve the riddles left behind. I remind myself that the children aren't real. That the kidnapping isn't real. How none of it matters. We are just a story for idiots to read for pleasure. Well I hope you people enjoy a story about a guy laying in bed forever! A story about a guy who let a dozen children die because he had an existential crisis! Let's see if that book ends up selling!

Detective Planter and the Existential Crisis Resulting in a Dozen Dead Children went on to sell 80 million copies worldwide


Khiadra t1_iyc730c wrote

That last line made me genuinely laugh out loud!