I never expected heaven to look like this. I expected nothing, or maybe everything - but not this.

The office was hallways, meeting rooms, conference tables enclosed in glass walls, and cubicles as far as you could see. The workers were buzzing with tasks, documents, spreadsheets, and faxes like a swarm of jittery, methamphetamine-fuelled hornets. It was both chaos and order, efficiency and impotence, able and feeble. The scene was unpleasant to watch.

I stood frozen in place in the small breakroom kitchen, staring as God lit a cigarette in front of me, dusting the ashes off his tie. He stares at me as his eye twitches slightly.

"Yes, yeah. A beer sounds good right now." It feels like the words drool out of my mouth.

God smirks, nods, and reaches inside a microwave. At least it looks like a microwave - inside was stacks of beer.

He grips the lid with his thumb and forefinger, and lifts it up as if it had never been attached. He offers me the brown, unmarked bottle.

I squint, stare, blink twice, and take the beer.

"What the hell did you mean when you said the universe was doomed?"

God laughs a booming, hearty laugh.

"Well you see kid, kiddo, can I call you kiddo? You see kiddo, the universe runs on a matrix of neuroneuons that counterlace with the intrinsic matter-scale of the material plane."

I nod, wondering if I'm having a stroke.

"Right, okay. What does that mean then?"

God chuckles.

"Ah, new guy. I'm full of shit you know? I just tease. No science-y bullshit here. Straight up, it's just shutting down. No real reason right now, but I've got my best guys working on it."

I look out at the Kafkaesque office space around me.

"'New guy'? Do I work for you too?"

God flicks the ashes off his cigarette and with his free hand shoots me a finger gun.

"You betcha kiddo! Now listen, I know it's not a good day for you to be starting like this but you better believe you gotta whole lotta work ahead of you. You're going to go over to the Universe Existence department and hop on in there and uh... dig around in it, really get in it you know?"

I stare, he sighs, I reach my arm up to ask a question.

"Wait what is the-"

 

 

I'm in a cubicle with four other people, and three of them are turning papers upside down before shredding them.

"HI JERRY, I'M GEORGE, YOU KNOW WE NEED YOU TO REALLY START PULLING YOUR WEIGHT AROUND HERE, YOU'VE BEEN HERE EIGHT SECONDS AND HAVEN'T GOT INTO THE TEAM SPIRIT YET!"

George dumps a stack of papers in front of me, and as my vision goes dim and it feels like my brain atrophies, I start mindlessly flipping the papers.

"W-what?"

God's three eyes looked me up and down.

"I have something stronger if you want. But I usually drink vodka watching 'How I met your mother' you know?"

"N-no I died. I remember that clearly! Is this Haven?" God looked at me with wide open eyes.

"Haven!? No! I'm surprised that thing still exists! I- didn't I banned it? Oh Me, I have to check on Jeff that damn eye has to do his job properly instead of playing vthe Sims 4 all the time."

"What about the church?"

God chuckled while his purple vest left little golden particles at his movements. "Oh, them. They did everything on their own. Kid, look, I have to run the multiverse, I don't have time to care about what Marisa the cashier did on weekend, 'kay? I don' t even care to be honest. I NEVER interacted with mortals except in the beginning of life."

I looked at him. " So, everyone were wrong. You exist but you don't care and... And what about reincarnation?! "

God raised an eyebrow. " Well, you can do that but I don't raccomand. It's an annoying loop." He lit a cigarette while passing me a golden glass.

"You said the universe was doomed." God sighed. While I drank.

"Yeah, yeah. That. You see, reality is rather... Unstable. And it's my job to give it stability. But of course, it's an hard task, everything that happens can cause a terrible butterbly effect that leads to the inevitable dostruction of Time-line two."

I gulped. " Timeline two? "

" We don't talk about Timeline one. But don't worry. I have that pretty boy from the time department dealing with it. He's lovely." We got into an enormous room full of clocks and little robots. Many people were working and God and I walked to the end of the room, where a guy, with long and wavy golden hair was ranting about something. His nose was bloody.

" There you are. " He looked at God and flushed a little.

"My Lord. The anomaly is detected and we are proceeding with the remotion from the current line." God smiled.

"Good, you never disappoint me. Well, sweetie this is Jerry, Jerry, Lan, the most powerful wizard of the multiverse. And I'm sure he's kind enough to make you take a look around." The wizard froze.

"But sir-" God waved. "Byeee."

The wizard sighed. "Dammit Aegher! Omniscient God of materia my ass. Ugh. Jerry right? I- I'm sorry. Aegher usually is less tense about-"

"Who's Aegher?"

"God."

"I thought-"

"He has many names. Now. Come with me. I'll ask Jeff to find you a desk." God was right. The guy looked like an elf from the Lord of the rings. "He said you're a wizard."

He cleaned his nose from the blood. "I am. And, listen. Don't worry about this. You'll find yourself good here. Everyone are nice if you scare them enough."

"Do I work here now? Why?"

"Who knows. I mean, Aegher knows, but-"

A thought popped in my mind. "Are you Lucifer?!"

The wizard chuckled. "what? Me? No. I'm not a demon. But I destroyed a world or two. I could teach you magic if I have some free time. The basis I guess."

"I'll pass."

We arrived at big desk where an empty smoking with an eye as the head looked at us. "Hey Jeff, Can you bring the new guy to his desk.c Said the wizard taking a bunch of candies from a bowl in the desk.

The eye rolled up. " Hey shout up. Aegher created you for doing his job! I'm here because I'm good at it. So I can take as much candies as I want to." said the wizard.

I looked at the eye. "He can talk?" A voice answered in my head. "Oh course I can. Please tell the brat to stop annoying me."

The wizard laughed. "Oh Jeff, oh... Nice joke. Hey, Jerry, I have to go now, see ya."

He looked at Jeff once again and smiled. "Listen eye guy, I'll sleep with your dad tonight so you better find a sobstitute for the weaponry recourses. Greetings."

I stood there while Jeff gave me a piece of paper. "Second door in the third corridor. This is your name tag. Welcome to the Ministry of the Multiverse."

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