"For the last time, during the day I'm a centaur, at night I'm a vampire, at the full moon I'm a werewolf, when I'm in water I'm a merman, during the hottest day I'm a dragon and at the coldest night I'm a yeti."

I stared at him blankly.

"That makes no sense," I finally concluded.

"I'll admit, it is quite convoluted, but it is what it is," he shrugged and took another sip of his coffee.

"So- I mean like- how?" I sputtered out.

"See, I was born a werewolf. Pureblood, both my parents were lycans. Due to a rare genetic mutation, I have rather remarkable regenerative abilities so when I was bitten by a vampire at 17, I became partially vampire. Every night, to be specific, except the full moon, where the lycanthropy trumps it," he said matter-of-factly.

"This wouldn't be the first time a werewolf got bit by a vampire. It doesn't match. You'd die."

"I did."

I stared at him silently. "Then how are you here?!" I yelled out.

"I got better."

I, once again, stared daggers.

"See, I was dead for quite a while but when the full moon came around, my remarkable regenerative abilities kicked in and I lived once more."

"Right," I said and rubbed my brow, trying to understand the mess. "And the merman part?"

"I was just having a nice evening dip under the full moon, and, well, got bitten by a merman."

"But- mermen don't bite people! They don't eat meat, they don't-"

"Yeah, but this one was really high. He thought I was seaweed because my fur was so wet. Lucky I was a werewolf at the time - my remarkable regenerative abilities allowed me to live through the transformation once again."

"The centaur part?"

"Did you know that horses can bite really hard? Well I do. And it's a really dominant mutation for some reason. Spend most of my time as one, just horsing around" he chuckled, much to my annoyance.

"But... there's no way a dragon bit you. I don't care how much you can heal, there's no surviving that!"

"You're right. I, uh... well, it's a bit embarrassing, but..." he looked down at his feet.

"Well?"

"I bit a dragon."

Oh for fucks sake, I thought.

"See, when I ingested his blood, that was enough. Normally this would kill me, but my-"

"If you say 'remarkable regenerative abilities' one more goddamn time I'll put them to the test," I hissed.

"Uh, well..." he nervously said, "I just survived it. With so many mutations in my body, that one only kicks in during extremely hot weather. Rare around these parts, unlike that bloody yeti part."

"And that happened when..." I started cautiously, dreading the answer that I already expected.

"Funny thing, this. I was skiing with my partner and before you know it, I skied into a nearby treeline and a yeti just - poof, runs out and bites straight through my ribcage."

"He crushed your ribcage? And you survived?" I asked. He opened his mouth but said no words, only looking at me expectantly.

I sighed very loudly and put my hand over my face. "Go on," I said.

"See, my remarkable regenerative abilities..."