Time takes a lot out of you, so when you've lived as long as I have it only becomes even more true by the day. I had seen a lot of things in the centuries that I have lived; witnessed whole kingdoms disappear to the wear of time, watched great leaders rise and fall. Some great ones fall to such meager things as illness or brain rot. Some petty men rise only because the latter had died.

I remembered names that even the books had since forgotten. Some that even I, in my position, would call great men. But this shit? I had never seen anything even near the realm of this.

When the little guy had first entered I thought it was a joke. Him take on me? My reign was ever eternal, ever night, while he was a 3 foot 2 manlet with a chin as soft as my thrones upholstery. So I humored the little guy. I mean, he had managed to make it passed my legionnaire, he at least deserved my speech.

You fool!" I had cackled, "No man can kill me!"

"But I am no man!" he bellowed in confidence, mouth unmoving. Which I thought was weird, but then the really strange shit started. He bent over, limp as a corpse, and started hacking up a lung. I watched frozen in horror as from his mouth a tan sleeve fell loose, then more and more of a coat until a whole impossibly large bundle of cloth was produced in a wad.

"Well that was rather distur-" I had yelled down

"But wait! Theres more!" he replied, and we sat five more minutes as he produced two more coats from his mouth before the halfling body fell in a loose pile of skin.

"For we are actually three trench coats in a halfling!" The coats announced as they unfurled and stood. I remember how proudly they said it, as if they'd done anything other than just disturb me for the rest of my years. Each one drew a weapon and held it in their limp sleeves ready to face me, but me? Oh, I got the hell out of there. I came straight here.

Across the room a skeleton wearing a broken pair of glasses looked to me with empty sockets. I felt silly on the couch again, but Burgees had been the best therapist in life and I needed him now more than ever.

"So, where are they now?" he asked with a voice like a strong wind.

I gestured to the door at the far wall, and behind it I could hear the sounds of those things. Those coats running around in my lair. One knocked on the door. "Are you in here evil doer? Come out and fight us!"

"No I'm not, so just...fuck off with you."

A long silence was the reply. Burgees adjusted his glasses with a bony hand.

"So do you have a plan?"

"Plan? Burgess I just saw some of the most fucked up shit in my life. I think im retired. Plus that old lady a few hundred years ago, remember her? She said I'd be defeated by men of the cloth at the time I thought she meant a priest or something, but this seems to be them."

"Oh...ok. I guess Ill go with you then." hearing him say that gave me a bit of comfort. Burgees had always been a loyal friend, and I'd need him for the next chapter of my life.

But suddenly I felt a sharp pain shoot through my stomach. Upon looking down a bloodied, thin piece of metal potruded from me, blood dripping down the blade. A rapier, pushed cleanly through me. Behind me the voice of a trenchcoat spoke. "Haha! Got you evildoer. You didn't even hear me come in did you!"

"Ho- how did you.." I pushed out the words through my pain.

"Slipped under the door! I bet you didn't expect that!" for emphasis the coat then yanked the rapier out from my stomach.

I looked over to the thin crack under the door where two more trenchcoats were pushing their way in. It was right. I had not noticed. One coat pulled Burgees down to his chair, strapping him in using its sleeves. I turned to face the other.

"Wha-what the fuck are you."

"Im glad you asked!" It leaned in close, placing a tan sleeve on my shoulder. The voice emanated from somewhere beneath the buttons. "We were three trenchcoats in a halfling, but now? Now I think we'll be three trenchcoats in an Evil Lord."

The coat climbed up my body, forcing open my clenched jaw with a sleeve. As I faded away the last thing I felt was the cloth choking me as it went down.