As the final finger curled up into the monkeys paw I readied a shielding spell. A pretty standard shield of kinetic energy was probably about all I’d be able to muster given my current condition. I could’ve wished to be in perfect health again. I could’ve wished for the gods to forget that I ever existed and go home to rest. But no. Maybe it was the adrenaline after the battle with that damned vampire but I couldn’t think of anything better than to wish for the rest of the monkey. There’s always a cost after all.

A burst of Golden light radiated from the paw before a young man appeared standing in front where I’d dropped the paw. I’d wished for a monkey but this’ll do I guess. I dropped my shield.

“Heya little guy… you feeling alright?”

“Yeah. Just a little dizzy. And hungry. You haven’t got anything on ya do you?”

“Some Jerky I think?” I reached into my pocket passing him the small brown bag with the last of my rations in it.

“Thanks miss! So what’re you’re other two wishes?”

“What?”

“Well ya see, I’m Sun Wukong, but everyone just calls me Saul. Been ages since I’ve been back on Earth? What’s the year now?” Saul began chewing happily on his Jerky.

“2019 mate. And hang on. Sun Wukong? You’re the Monkey King? God slayer and destroyer of heavens?” I took a step back from the kid, slipping a hand into the pocket of my coat and taking firm grasp of my blasting rod.

“Ya won’t need that. You’re looking pretty rough as it is little lady. How bout I heal ya up?”

“I’ll pass”

“It’s been almost 900 years since I was last here. You lot get rid of those damn Romans yet? Last one I met ratted me out to Mercury and I had the whole damn pantheon bearing down on me quicker than a Druid on an earth elemental.” Saul laughed to himself for a second before turning to me, deadly serious. A look in his eyes like no man should even be capable of. “So look, I’m bound by contract to give you 2 more wishes before I’m free to do what I like. Make it quick I’ve got work to do.”

“You’re not gonna screw me over are you….”

“Nah you’re alright. You’ve done me a great service, uhh. I dunno your name lovely.”

“It’s Kate. Kate Stag. And I think you and I should have a couple of drinks and a nice long chat.”

"Wait...you're not a monkey! You're some weird dude with a tail! Who are you!"

“I am the hope of the universe...I am the answer to all living things that cry out for peace...I am the protector of the innocent...I am the light in the darkness...I am truth. Ally to good...Nightmare to-”

"What? Jeez I mean what's your name?"

"Yo, I'm Goku!"

"Hi, Goku, I wanted to ask....how come your fingers grant stupid wishes and kill people?"

"It does what now?"

"Your finger. We, I mean my world, found it years ago. The person holding it can make three wishes but they're fucked up and the last one kills you. So I wished for the whole monkey to ask what the hell was up with that?"

"Er....I think there was a battle and Il Shenlong turned evil...or Il Shenlong turned evil and then there was a battle."

"Er who, what, and why?"

"Cosmic wish granting Dragon and who the heck knows why he made my fingers evil, he's a dick."

"Huh, cool. Good to know."

"So...what do you have around here that's good to eat?"

"We have pizza! Do you know what that is!"

"Oooh, that's pretty good! Do you have rice too?"

"We do have rice! Do you like plain steamed white rice, stir fried rice, don buri, or rice omelet!?"

Drooool "Yes!"

"Okay, well let's hit up an all-you-can-eat-buffet and-"

"Excuse me, did you say...ALL you can eat?"

"Yep!"

BOOOM!!!

"KAKAROTTO!!! How dare you run away from our spar!"

"Goku, why did you disappear like that? Chichi is going crazy with worry!"

"Dad! Are you all right!?"

"Darn! Bulma tracked me down already! I was hoping to get lunch before they showed up!"

"Sorry about that, folks! We found Mr Carrot Goku's hand and it was doing weird stuff like granting wishes badly and killing people!"

"NANI!?"

"It's okay now! I got my hand back and taking it home so it won't bother these people anymore!"

"Seriously, what the hell was your hand doing?"

"Short story, I can tell you all about it over lunch."

"Bye, everyone! Nice to meet you!"

After years, I finally found the legendary monkey's paw. I have been on paw patrol for years...I feared that I would never get close to finding it. Alas, here the paw lies within mine, I cannot even fathom the power that is contained in such a small vessel. Lives have been devoted to finding this thing, for it is said that it has the power to grant any wish that you desire. The power to end world hunger, the power to bring world peace, the power to become the wealthiest person on the world.

I have spent countless days thinking of what I would even wish for if I ever even managed to get it. As I stand in the middle of this dilapidated temple, I found myself wondering where this thing even came from. As my thoughts raced my mind came to a concluding phrase that I whispered under my breath.

"Man, I wish I could see the rest of this monkey."

In an instant the paw disappeared from my hand and was replaced with a cloud of smoke. I heard thunder echo outside of the temple and the ground began to shake violently. Out of the smoke came a figure with its hands out stretched and approaching me slowly. I instinctively walked away from it and as the smoke cleared I was able to see what was approaching me. The paw that I held in my hand seconds prior was now attached to a body. A body full of hair, a body of a full grown MONKEY. I stood still in awe, and the monkey stared back at me as if it was reading my mind. I slowly raised my hand and waved slowly.

"He...hey" I Said slowly.

The monkey didn't break eye contact and said,

"OOo..OOOoo..ahhh....ahh.ahh."

I looked away from the monkey and looked down

"Can you understand me" I said

"ahh...ahh...ahhh...ooo" he said as we walked away.

I sat there and watched as he swung from tree to tree in complete shock.

After all these years, after all the lives lost, nothing could've prepared me, for a non English speaking monkey.

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