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GrunkleStanwhich t1_iyboc0t wrote

Superpowers, superheroes, no matter what sort of titles they placed on themselves they were powerless in the moment it mattered most. As the massive rock that was Earth's undoing approached all they could do was stare. Stare as it grew closer, shadowing the spot at our feet. Stare as it mocked them, showing us how truly powerless they were in this moment. But not me.

I felt even worse for Bino-scope, his power of super-sight had allowed him to catch the meteor long before even the scientists and their telescopes. He had been staring all day since, now the corners of his eyes dried and reddened. But I did not worry.

The shadow grew larger at our feet

As Earth's finest stared up in fear, fully suited and bulging with muscles, I did not need to look. I only needed to think of lunch. Of what type of soup I wanted today. Chicken noodle? Lentil? Mom always made a great lentil. Mine never came out quite as good though.

From my utility belt I carefully selected a bowl I liked most, a perfect vessel for the occasion; handcrafted by a shopkeeper whose storefront I'd saved by turning a runaway vehicle into a delicious egg drop. I held it out in two hands to ensure a good grip as the massive rock grew closer. Suddenly the stares of the other heroes burned through me like a hot cup of cheddar broccoli.

"And what is that meant to do, soup boy?" a voice boomed, carried out from Earth's greatest hero. Even near our doom I was mocked.

"It's Souperior, Magnus. You know that. You all do!" I yelled over to the crowd of heroes, now staring. "Now grab a bowl or get out of my way."

A few chuckled, some hung their heads in disappointment, and others, the worst ones, held looks of sympathy on their faces.

"Ok Souperior, what's the bowl for? Humor me in Earth's last moments."

The shadow from the space rock now engulfed the city whole. Above the meteor screamed, yelling through the atmosphere and letting its presence be impossible to ignore. On the streets was chaos: civilians ran to any semblence of safety, cars careened through crowds of traffic, and the heroes, they just watched onward with wide eyes.

I looked up to Magnus, and by extension to all of the others.

"The bowl? Well of course, it's for soup."

Just as the Earth's doom intended to strike down from above I reached up, resting my palm against its rocky surface. In the moment I channeled all my thoughts into one purpose: Gazpacho, and the meteor replied, fighting back with all of its weight. For a moment it was a stalemate. My soupy willpower against the great stones.

But then I felt a weight lift from my arms, and to my right Magnus suddenly stood, muscles in his arms bulging through his copper spandex. The asphalt cracked at his feet as he helped hold the weight aloft.

With both of our might the meteor stood no chance. My hand pushed up through, past the rocky exterior and into a cold gazpacho. Then Magnus delivered the death blow, a mega-ton punch splitting the stone exterior open and sending the cold soup bursting forth and high up into the sky.

For a moment there was silence. The gaggle of various costumed heroes watched with mouths agape as red clouds formed in the sky. Magnus was the first to approach, holding out a bloodied hand.

"May I have a bowl, hero?"

Then one by one they followed, each taking a bowl from my belt and awaiting the soupy rain.


somebrookdlyn t1_iybx1ru wrote

Honestly, based soup preference. Gazpacho is good stuff.


livebeta t1_iyc0sjg wrote

glad it was not Souperior doing it by himself. the metoer might be stroganoff to ward off whatever he was trying to do


notthephonz t1_iybz3nc wrote

I was thinking it would have to be a cold soup because a hot soup could bring on even more dangers


CarlosFer2201 t1_iycwxw9 wrote

>It's Souperior

I was not ready for that name. You killed me.


zeropointcorp t1_iycv571 wrote

Does his power conserve inertia or not? Because converting the meteor to gazpacho wouldn’t significantly reduce its mass (I mean it would a bit, because most meteors are definitely going to be denser than gazpacho, but even so…). If the meteor is a planet killer - say, the size of the one that did for the dinosaurs - you’re talking:

Vol = 4/3 * πr^3 = 4/3 * π(500000)^3 = 5.2 x 10^17 cm^3

And assuming the density of gazpacho is the same as water, at room temperature that’s going to be 5.2 x 10^11 tonnes of gazpacho, and if inertia is conserved, you’re looking at about 1.2 x 10^16 MJ of energy if it hits at 25000km/h. That’s about 10,000,000 megatons of TNT equivalent. Magnus’s “mega-ton” punch ain’t gonna do shit.


GrunkleStanwhich t1_iyd4c1h wrote

I gotta be honest with you. As impressive as this is...his power is just soup. And Magnus's power is to hit things as hard as the plot needs him to.


Ruadhan2300 t1_iydautb wrote

There's an XKCD for this.

What if a rainstorm dropped all its water in one big droplet...

Spoiler-alert, The answer is somewhere on the order of a megaton-range nuclear blast for half a cubic kilometer of water.

A dinosaur-killing meteor a dozen times bigger turned into more-or-less-water would clear the soil down to the bedrock for tens of miles, and flatten everything for thousands of miles radius, flash-flood half a continent, move mountains..

And that's assuming it started at 0 velocity a few kilometers up.
If it keeps any of its momentum it's just going to be worse.


Tomagathericon t1_iyddr2i wrote

If we are trying to be real here, then Souperior would have never even been able to touch the meteor, and even if he was, the damage would have already been done by the time the meteor is ~2.5 meters from impact.

When faced with stories like this, it's best to just accept it and enjoy the ride x)


Selkie_Love t1_iyd1txn wrote

The momentum delta is important as well. Being hit by a pillow vs being hit with a sock full of rocks


hussiesucks t1_iyd3j0j wrote

Well yeah but soup is a liquid so the total force would be distributed over a longer period of time.


zeropointcorp t1_iyd4a32 wrote

I kind of feel that half a million megatonnes of soup traveling at Mach 20 isn’t going to give a shit about the distribution of force over the 0.24 seconds it will take to punch through the earth’s atmosphere.


zackadiax24 t1_iyf3zu2 wrote

Exactly, even if it kills everyone at the impact zone as well as a few miles out destroy all life on the planet like the meteor would.


Thegrayman46 t1_iye6jy7 wrote

you forgot to factor air resistance and the effect on a liquid mass rather than a solid, also the thermal effect of surronding air currents now being able to affect the liquid mass. Its more than just velocity.


DaisyDuckens t1_iyek48r wrote

This so why I never finished my science fiction story. I get so caught up in the science part I lose the fun.


Thegrayman46 t1_iyf917e wrote

science is fun, just not school science, real world science...imagine the soup tsunami, hurricane that was created


zeropointcorp t1_iyfd9c9 wrote

The soup punches through the atmosphere in 0.24 seconds. Air resistance is ignorable. Air currents aren’t going to do shit.


superstrijder15 t1_iye76n3 wrote

well perfectly cooked soup has to be edible afterwards. Can't be edible after slamming into Earth at that kind of speed.


adhding_nerd t1_iycryvv wrote

That is in no way how a meteor works but I love the story.


BOT_GRIFFIN t1_iyck0de wrote

tbh "sonne" by Rammstein fits perfectly to this...


Lycaeides13 t1_iyctih0 wrote

It's raining gazpacho! (Almost as good as raining tacos...)


chinesefriedrice t1_iyef8hu wrote

I liked the choice of gazpacho, because it coincides with Souperior's revenge: best served cold


Blitz-Drache_Author t1_iyczx07 wrote

What is gazpacho? Good story, I liked the ending and the help given to hold the meteor. I don't know what gazpacho is though. Never heard of it, and by extention never seen or eaten it.


Ylsid t1_iyd0a43 wrote

Of course, everyone is needed for stone soup


Ill_Aspect5274 t1_iyfat9f wrote

Great stuff mate, kudos for the puns, that bit about mum's lentil soup and teamwork in the end. Only complaint goes towards screaming and yelling meteor. It could have worked if you used a simile, but written like this it's meh.


frogandbanjo t1_iyburrx wrote

So, two things about supes:

One, you can never tell how, exactly, their powers are going to work.

Two, there's no minimum intelligence requirement.

The world hangs in the balance. I'm speed dialing every fucking supe I can think of; my supercomputer is running the simulations. Every combination of known powers, limitations, and side effects is battling to the death with everything we know about that damned meteor - not nearly enough. Never enough. It's clearly not a regular hunk of space rock. It's fucking pink.

Sixteen, by my reckoning, are terrified that it's made out of exactly the stuff that renders them powerless. One is just offended, for some insane reason, and won't engage. He's an asshole anyway. I wasn't banking on him.

Some of them went off-world. I hope they never live that down. They probably will.

Souperman stands, implacable, unflappable, bowl in hand. I check the waiting list. He wasn't even on it. That makes me feel better. If he had been, well... to be honest, I'd have quietly removed him. I'm not catching flak in the post-apocalypse for having put off testing the one idiot who was willing to be brave.

Matter. Energy. Inertia. Entropy. It's different for every supe, not just for every power. Some speedsters get excited and try going from zero to a thousand in less than a second. Death By Physics. It's less common now, but still a classic entry. Others, meanwhile, play by the rules, run the tests, do the work, and then discover that they would have been fine regardless. Some supes can lift buildings effortlessly. Others discover that they can't magically ignore torque and shear. They end up tearing a hunk out, which usually causes a collapse. Some of them end up going through the floor instead of lifting anything at all. Time stoppers get frozen. Invisible dudes can't see. The list goes on. Life just isn't fair.

That's my whole business model. If not all of them are going to be smart and careful, then somebody has to be for them. I can't tell you how many times I've heard some variation on the theme that my own superpower is common sense. It's infuriating, but the money's green, so I don't bitch.

The computer pings yellow, which is better than red, but it's too late. Out of curiosity, I glance at the combination. I chuckle; I never would have thought of it. Constructing the database and the program had been a good idea. That's my thing. I have good ideas, and then I do the fucking work.

I wait for a few moments, holding my breath. When the world doesn't end, I exhale. I wasn't planetside, of course. I'm not a fucking idiot. Still, it's my home. I'd have missed it.

I go to the feeds and watch in slo-mo. I see the whole spectrum. The audio is pre-filtered, but the raw stuff is available if I need it. The computer perceives and processes even more. Its previous task was deprioritized.

The feeds never went out - no catastrophic impact or temperature spike. They recorded everything. It's an ugly sight, but I examine the footage closely enough to confirm.

I update the entry for Souperman. I feel a pang of guilt - far less than if he'd been on the waiting list, but still something. I think of all the other supes who might've helped him out. Maybe they could've carted him around the cosmos a bit, letting him turn lakes, then seas, then oceans on dead worlds into soup. Heck, mountains too, I guess. Whole continents, maybe. There's no telling how powerful he could've become. If it had been gold or something else sexy instead of soup, they probably would've.

I know that none of them will feel it. Guilt doesn't get you anywhere in this game.

Anyway, here it is. It's as complete as it's ever going to get. I don't have the budget to send supes out hunting extradimensional space for traces of matter and energy - everything that used to be that hurtling meteor, but then suddenly wasn't.

Souperman, b. Eugene Constance Forbes 1993, p. 2012, d. 2025. Power: the ability to turn anything into any amount of any kind of soup. Temperature of soup hard-linked to soup type. Power allows displacement of all excess matter and energy, possibly total annihilation. Ability to add or conjure mass and/or energy unclear. Cause of death: acute, catastrophic power overexertion. Died saving the planet Earth from a likely extinction level event: strange meteor.

Yes, "strange meteor" is its own entry. I look at it for a minute on my screen. I shrug, and click to customize. Really, really big strange pink meteor. That's better. That's a little dig at some of the cowards, and that one insane asshole.

The phone rings. I pick it up. It's a different asshole - one that pays well.

"Yikes," he says.

I preemptively bite my tongue.

"Not enough chicken soup in the world to cure that, huh?"

These fucking guys.


Random_name46 t1_iycu1r4 wrote

I can't get over "Souperman". I mean, it's right there but I never would have thought of it.

Well written, as ridiculous as the story is I feel for our hero.


AChromaticHeavn t1_iyf5wiq wrote

omg dude, I didn't even finish reading before I had to scroll down here and "death by physics" is now totally my favorite nerd joke of all time.


thelobear t1_iybm5vf wrote

When I had turned that bastard into a steaming bowl of Campbell’s chicken and stars, they called me insane. No one cared about why I had done it. They were too hung up on the fact that I had eaten him. “It’s just soup,” I reminded them. After all, it was.

I won’t bother you with the details. Just know that he wanted to be inside me, so I gave him exactly that.

Now, after ten long years of holding me…now, they need me. I’ve had an easy enough time in prison and, later, the institution, I’ll admit. Nobody wants to become a steaming bowl of bisque or chowder. I get it. But what I can’t forgive so easily is that no one saw my side until now. Now that they need me, they’re ready to lift my sentence, but can they clear my name? Call me a murderer, a cannibal even, but don’t ever call me crazy.

So here I stand, in this wide, open field under the stars, surrounded by my “handlers”. The massive meteor grows closer by the second, and things are getting about as hot as hotpot, right now, but I’m perfectly calm. The ceramic bowl feels warm in my hands.

I look up at the blazing sky, debating.


lilacpeaches t1_iybt6wz wrote

Ooh, this is well-written! I love the subtle nods / allusions to why the protagonist soupified the bastard. Plus, the protagonist’s thought process feels real.


thelobear t1_iyc217g wrote

Thanks! I was going to have it end with them turning themself into soup as a real “fuck you” to the world, but decided to leave it open-ended.


IlikethequietZeppo t1_iyccy7i wrote

I wanted to be cool. I wanted to be part of the in super crowd. I applied to the super league of super heroes. S.L.O.S.H laughed at me when I demonstrated my power. I turned a glass of water into soup. I placed the glass of water inside my bowl, used my power, and presented them with the perfect bowl of potato and leek soup. They laughed.

"Water into soup, I'm soo impressed. Hahahaha. Yeah we have a spot for you... in the cafeteria. Hahaha. Get lost mighty Lunch Lady"

It's like none of them had noticed the glass changed to soup too. I only chose the glass of water because it was the first thing I saw. Maybe it would have been more impressive if I had used the table they sat behind, or one of their chairs.

I gave up on my dreams to a golden member of S.L.O.S.H., but I took their advice to become a lunch lady. Not in their sacred halls, but somewhere I was needed and appreciated. I started up stone soup.

Most assumed the name was in reference to the old children's story; A community coming together to feed everyone. I didn't dispute it. It allowed the charity to raise money for more than just soup. Only I knew that whatever soup I made, in limitess amounts, was actually stone soup. I'd thought about using trash, but I couldn't in good conscience use actual rubbish and waste products to make food.

I was never going to be a superhero in the grand sense, but I was a hero to hundreds each day. That should have been enough.

One day I watched the news. For once they weren't talking about S.L.O.S.H members stopping bank robberies, or a bus load of kids saved from crashing into the river. Today it was a meteorite headed to Earth. No one could stop it, not even Meteorman which was ironic.

"What's on the menu today Rosemary?" Asked my assistant as they wandered in. Clearly they hadn't seen the news.

"The biggest batch of stone soup ever. I'm thinking something cool and refreshing, Gazpacho or chilled cucumber perhaps. I just have to go out and get the ingredients."

I grabbed my largest pot and my testing bowl, before I turned back and said

"It's going to taste out of this world"


Llamas_are_cool2 t1_iybi9xv wrote

I was born with the power to turn anything into a bowl of soup. No matter the object, it would turn into enough soup to fit perfectly into a standard bowl. I could even choose the type. The other superheros always mocked me for it.

"Turning stuff into soup? That's useless!" "What are you going to do against a villain, turn their weapon into soup?" "You're never going to be a useful superhero."

I could never make friends because they thought I was stupid. What was I going to do, give them soup? Yeah they didn't appreciate that. They found me boring and useless.

But when it was announced that a meteor was going to hit Earth and cause mass death and destruction, the other heroes panicked. They had the power to fight villains or each other, but not the power to stop a meteor. They were at a loss, but I knew that it was my time to shine.

As I approached the predicted sight of impact, I saw people running. I even saw some so-called "heroes" who bragged that they could solve any problem, call their mom crying. Not me though, because as I got to the sight of impact, the massive meteor barreling down towards me did not change my manor at all. In fact, it even reassured me that no one would think that I am stupid anymore.

As the meteor hit the atmosphere, that's when I started. I put down my bowl right as my feet as I started the process. I concentrated on the meteor and started to change it. The red-black surface reminded me of tomato soup, so I decided to make a meteor turned tomato soup.

As the soup fell perfectly into the bowl, everyone looked at me with awe. They praised me for saving the Earth! Some of the heroes who ridiculed me apologized for how they treated me. I was just happy I got some really good soup.


joper333 t1_iybtruu wrote

Soup so good it's out of this world


konartiste t1_iybywnb wrote

If there was a souperhero, I would be best friends with them. Iove soup.


exponentials t1_iybhfp7 wrote

I had always been an outcast, even among the other superheros. Everyone else had flashy abilities like flight or super strength, while my power was to make anything into perfectly cooked soup. I was constantly mocked and ridiculed.

I heard the news that a massive meteor was headed straight for Earth. The other heroes were in a frenzy, trying to come up with a plan to save the day. I, on the other hand, felt strangely calm. I knew that my power was the only one that could stop the meteor. So I headed off to the impact zone, bowl in hand.

When I arrived, I saw that the meteor was only minutes away from hitting the ground. I concentrated and willed the meteor to turn into soup. Suddenly, the meteor began to shimmer and distort, and before long, it had transformed into a steaming bowl of soup.

The other heroes were in shock. They had never seen anyone do something like that before. I had finally been able to prove myself and show them that my power was something to be respected.

But then, I noticed something strange. The soup had an odd taste and a faint, putrid smell. I took a closer look and saw that there were strange, unrecognizable objects floating in the soup.

It was only then that I realized that I had made a terrible mistake. The objects in the soup were pieces of the meteor, and the meteor had been made up of toxic material. I had unknowingly created a deadly soup that would have catastrophic consequences for the world.


Ilyaev_Art t1_iybrten wrote

You say in the first paragraph that you have a sense of dread, then in the next you felt a sense of calm.


Reformed_Narcissist t1_iybsslg wrote

It is chronological and situational.

Dread felt at the news of something.

Calm felt when facing it.


Ilyaev_Art t1_iycp11z wrote

OP edited it, I understood the context but saying one feeling in one sentence and in the other an opposite sentence is a bit jarring.

It could have been fixed pretty easily by using a word like "but then.." etc to indicate the mood had changed.


No_Cauliflower_5489 t1_iydives wrote

"Excuse me....but aren't you the Lunch Lady? The one that works in the Hall of Super Justice!?"

"Yes, that's right. I'm Beatrix McGonagall, Chef de Cuisine of the Hall of Super Justice cafeteria."

"'am what are you doing aboard the Justice Rocket?"

"I was called up by Director Hardcastle to take point in the Anti-Meteor Squad with the hero known as Mega Muscles. You should have received a copy of our orders.'

"I received notice that I'd be joined by a retired underground hero called Simmer with a unique skill set."

"Yes, that would be me. You can just call me Ms McGonagall."

"Wait, you actually have superpowers? What the hell are you doing working in the kitchen?"

"What am I doing in the kitchen? I'm a Sous Chef. Cooking, obviously!"

"Wait...are you saying you use your powers to cook instead of heroism!?"

"Some people would say that making sure people don't starve to death is a public service but you are essentially correct that I don't perform the traditional duties of a spandexed superhero."

"What the hell actually is your power set?"

"You'll find out when we land the ship on the meteor."

"So, what are you going to do? Boil the meteor into compliance?"

"Not...exactly. You'll see when we get there."

"Fan-fucking-tastic! We're being sent on a suicide mission with Lunch Lady Melba-"

"Ms McGonagall."

"-and we're all going to die and the world will end and nobody will be left alive to curse the fact they sent they sent a Lunch Lady to save the world."

"This isn't a suicide mission and the world isn't going to end so long as you follow the plan to the letter and pilot."

"Fucking fine!"

***** 4 hours later ****

"Okay but what the hell happened!? Because I think I've gone insane...I could swear you just turned a meteor into soup!"

"I turned the meteor into vegan Split Pea instead of traditional Split Pea and Ham. The ham chunks would probably burn up entering the atmosphere but I didn't want to risk being wrong."

"Okay, okay, so you actually just turned a whole-ass meteor into soup, right? I didn't hallucinate that, right?"

"Indeed. I turned it into piping hot soup. The soup rapidly began cooling and solidifying in the cold void of space and then you, Muscles Mc Punchy, punched the soup ice cream hard enough to shatter it into smaller chunks in the ionosphere which were torn apart by the Earth and Moon's gravity to become an annular disc much like the rings of Saturn."

"Okay, but but...SOUP!?"

"Yes, now you can understand why I do most of my work in the kitchen.

"How the heck did you fight villains with Soup Powers?"

"Sweetie....I've worked in the cafeteria for nearly twenty years. In that time how many break-outs of Super Prison have we had? How many Villains have been added to the Rogues Gallery?"

"Er, I've only been a hero for a few years but my parents said that there used to be jail breaks almost every month and the rogues gallery was as thick as a New York phone book. We don't seem to have any these days."

"Yes, these days we don't have a Rogues Gallery and the Super Prison has been remodeled into office space. Do you know why?"

" Why?"

"Because I can turn anything into soup. Anything would include mass murders and terrorists and rapists into soup. And not just any soup. Perfect soup. The most delicious soup in the world."

"Wait...wait, you've been killing and eating Super Villains?"

"If you want to be technical I've been executing them and you Heros have been eating them, but yes. I was given special dispensation by Director Hardcastle 20 years ago on the Night Of Carnage to do what I do best."


"Waste not, want not."


"Please keep it to yourself, Mega Muscles. That's classified."


"It's only the soup."


"Don't be so melodramatic."


losstinhere t1_iyej2n9 wrote


As soon as I read this, Charlton Heston became Mega Muscles. 🤣🤣

Thanks for the visual and the laughs, it is greatly appreciated.


Deadlock240 t1_iyefbty wrote

"I'm going to be the best-regarded hero ever," he thought to himself, seconds before impact. What he didn't realize was that, when an asteroid impacts into the earth from outer space, it does so with such velocity that it creates a massive compressed bubble of crystallized air in front of it as it moves. The extra-terrestrial missile travels at thousands of miles per hour, and effectively has a force-field around it all the way to impact. It moves so quickly that it changes from bright-speck-in-the-sky to massive explosion in less than a second.

The impact site had been known for months. It was remotely being filmed in anticipation of the potentially world-ending event. And so it was, that when humanity watched on the screen in the final instants before impact, many of them shared a similar thought:

"What the hell is Souperman doing?" Followed by the utter obliteration of a man armed with a small bowl, and an even smaller grasp of planetary collisions on worlds with dense atmospheres.

RadMan, the hero who could manipulate all forms of radiation, turned up and transformed the bulk of the heat from the blast into a brilliant, harmless light. Teams of seismically-endowed "Earth Movers" led by the organization's leader, Terra, kept the dust and debris from entering the upper atmosphere, which prevented a nuclear winter. Even the compression waves were dulled thanks to Sonic Boom. The initial crater and the media footage were all that could be used as evidence of the impact.

The whole ordeal left the entire world united. Not because of the catastrophic circumstance that could have ended life as we know it, but because we all collectively thought at the same moment, "Did that idiot really think that that was going to work?"


I_Arman t1_iyfcq3y wrote

People don't realize. When you make soup, everything goes in. There's no "extra tomatoes" or "leftover ham" or "excess of garlic," it's all just soup. It boils down, and in the end, nobody really cares if it's potato or rutabaga that make those squishy lumps.

The other heroes don't understand. There's a patience to soup. They want results now! They want to be in the news, given awards, get famous. It's not worth it though. They make fun of me, but I don't mind. I like my soup. It's an art.

I stared up at the sky. I couldn't see it yet, but I could feel it. It was a big meteor, so it took some thought, but that's just prep time. Every soup takes prep time. If it took no time at all, everyone would make soup. I concentrated... I could feel it, moving fast, careening towards this little blue marble, a one in a billion shot. It wasn't big enough to wipe out all life, of course. People would survive. Maybe not a lot of people, but people. The other heroes... Well. At least some of them tried. Ultimate Mask died trying, which is a lot more than most of them managed. No imagination... Most of them left, or hid in the other side of the planet.

I began making my soup. Boiling it down, melting the fat and breaking bonds. It wasn't fast work. Increase the temperature... Transmute the base properties of nickel and adjust the bonds on all that carbon. Boil off the extra liquid. I pulled in some atmosphere as the newscasters started making their overly-calm end-of-the-world claims, just for flavor. And then I held out my bowl, and...

Bloop. There it was. Steaming perfection: Italian Wedding Soup. I chose it because it was meatier. Ha! Food humor. I glanced around. There were a few heroes who gallantly stuck around to try to stop the full extent of the damage, but not many. Most looked confused, but one older fellow caught my eye and gave me a bit of a nod. I could see the fear in his eyes. He understood. Not many did, but he did.

Young heroes love to make fun of me. They think my name is stupid. It's not as stupid as "The Whizzer" though. It's just my name: Stu. They say I don't have a nemesis because I'm so "lame." It's not true, of course. I used to have a nemesis, years ago - the Sandwich Artist. Killed a family and made them into sandwiches. Nobody heard of him again, he just vanished one night.

Soup night.

I really do love soup...


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Initial_E t1_iyba43u wrote

500 megatons of good soup is still 500 megatons


imakesawdust t1_iybc6ef wrote

In his book What If?, the XKCD guy analyzed what would happen if you condensed all the rain from a thunderstorm into one giant drop. The results weren't pretty.

Still, the superhero in this story ought to find soulmate with the superpower of being able to turn anything into the perfect grilled cheese.


MyMomSaysIAmCool t1_iybg2g1 wrote

In Lucifer's Hammer by Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle, a couple of the characters calculate the damage that would happen if the planet was hit by a cubic mile of hot fudge sundae. Basically, it doesn't matter what it is, at that speed it's going to cause global catastrophe.


Mage_914 t1_iyesleo wrote

I read that as Lucifer and the Biscuit Hammer at first and started wondering what wizards in pajamas had to do with this.


OakenHug t1_iybhapt wrote

Really, really cooked soup. Bisque even.

Turns into steam in the atmosphere, and we have toasty clouds for a while


R3D3-1 t1_iyc2blu wrote

The bowl of soup seems to imply that the volume and mass of the target is not preserved.

Now imagine that power being turned... Downwards.


Zenvarix t1_iydp617 wrote

Imagine if our hero could also undo it.

There you find a warm bowl of soup... And the next, a very angry and hungry bear, or a grenade with it's pin missing.

Or use it to "dodge" a giant green lasers. Sure, millions will still scream, for that brief moment of laser blazing past a bowl of soup (and any poor unfortunate soul also in that path) before getting smacked with planet.

Imagine the technicians and everyone else on the "moon" that just saw the planet disappear and then reappear. How flabbergasted they would be? Even the princess would be beyond confused, even if she would be relieved.


DragonSlayersz t1_iybdx9s wrote

True, but soup is not going to hit nearly as hard as rock.


Artanthos t1_iyd8av0 wrote

It would.

A comet is basically just a large chunk of water, carbon dioxide, methane, and ammonia.


Herbert-Quain t1_iyctw0u wrote

I wonder what the optimal timing would look like. I mean, if you transform it into soup at the moment of impact, you have gained next to nothing. If you do it too far out in space it'll just refreeze. So probably at the moment it enters the atmosphere so it is dispersed by air resistance? Or, if you can fly alongside it in space, perhaps you can re-heat it constantly and keep it up long enough to shrink the giant ball of soup via evaporation...


HelloWorld1352 t1_iybl0s6 wrote

This superpower is insanely strong. It doesn’t matter what power your opponent has: super strength, telekinesis, invulnerability. Turn them into soup and they’re dead. The other heroes are just jealous.


brickmaster32000 t1_iyc0gzj wrote

That is how many of these prompts work. So many are just variations of, "You are the most special person alive but everyone is too stupid to see it until one day you prove that you are the bestist person ever!"


HelloWorld1352 t1_iyc0l7y wrote

I agree. The few prompts that aren’t clichés are just about subverting them and that eventually becomes a cliché of its own.


Gru-some t1_iyc24ef wrote

“everyone made fun of you but your superpower is actually really broken because of a loophole in the wording”


flyingtrucky t1_iycsrih wrote

Loophole? Dude can basically destroy anything he can see, this thing is stupidly OP from the get go.


Logout123 t1_iyc4mrg wrote

Feels like prompts like this are 1 sentence too long. Probably would have made sense to just end it at the superpower reveal, why cage writers into basically only being allowed to write a limited outcome to some scenario they could have set up on their own?


Comtesse_Kamilia t1_iyd2jv7 wrote

There's a lot of these "weird and weak" powers actually being super OP prompts. And most of the time, the OP part is so obvious that the whole world has to be dumbed down to not see it. This prompt also falls into that category since, y'know, the ability to turn anyone and anything into something harmless (and dead if they use it on a living being) is a terrifying power.

But I'll be honest, the imagry of a dude just happily holding up a soup bowl as a meteor barrels towards the earth is funny enough that this prompt gets a pass in my books.


Eine_Kartoffel t1_iycjbas wrote

Most powers containing the syllable "any" in their description are ultimately horrifying.


threyon t1_iydhww6 wrote

“Yer gonna need a bigger bowl…”


Mr__Perry t1_iyc3ug1 wrote

It's a better superpower than farting away jupiters gas.

>!OPM is still amazing though!<


Clementea t1_iydv633 wrote

Wouldn't people be horrified by this superpower instead?...


MTGO_Duderino t1_iye7yh5 wrote

This is an insanely strong power. While you aren't omega level, you can turn omega level mutants into soup. Turn walls into soup. Bad guys. Meteors. Documents. Bamk vaults. Cash registers. Restraints.

Perfectly cooked also means you can control the temperature. Stop guys like iceman ny making hot soup. Stop guys like human torch by making cold soup.


Soup0rMan t1_iyegj9u wrote

I can't believe you'd out me like this OP. There will be a reckoning! Hot, savory, delicious reckoning!