Santa leaned back and scratched his head. "Perhaps people were less than kind to you, " he said. "But why should that stop you from helping now? Everyone should be happy to step up and fulfill their purpose and you shouldn't let negative feelings stand between you and the greatness that you were born to."

Rudolph paused. The words were deep and it was time to prove that what he had always assumed was a handicap that had cost him so many friends and so many opportunities really was a blessing in disguise. He could help, but the pain ran too deep. He looked Santa straight int he eye, "I want to to tell you what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit you are! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where’s the Tylenol?"

He tuned to the assembled crowd, and the shock evident on their faces along with the growing realization that their Christmas miracle was not going to happen. "And that goes for you fucks, too." He said icily as he turned on his heel, headed out the door and leapt in the foggy night. The redness of his nose lifted into sky and in the last bit of visibility before it winked out of sight they heard him exclaim, "Merry Christmas to Y'alls, now suck on deez balls!"

my apologies to fans of Christmas Vacation, everywhere.