"HOLY SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!"

I screamed as the building came down around me. I knew I was dead, there was no escaping a 7-story burning apartment while on two broken crutches.

Yet... somehow I was alive?

I opened my eyes and realized I didn't have crutches anymore. I nearly fell over, it's been at least 8 months since the last time I walked. I got my bearings together and put one foot in front of the other, over and over again.

I didn't realize that I wasn't paying attention until I ran into somebody.

"OY YE BLOODY FOCK, watch where yar fockin goin'!"

I couldn't help but apologize. Hard not to when a cute girl with an accent is angry at you. Wait...

"Uh, sorry... kinda forgot how to walk. Um... who are you, where am I, what's going on?"

"Ferst, I'm Morighana, yer new guide. Secently, yer in the old deep world of Hell. Two Ls, don't worry. Thardly, yev been deat for at least an hour, I've actulley been waitin far ya."

She paused.

"Anytin else?"

"Okay, so basically I'm... a demon?"

"Koinda. Yer new so yer gonna hafta get used to bein here. Fer starters, ya can't be harmed, ya can't doy again, and ya can't give yer praises to the Big G."

"Oh. Well... one last question then."

She rolled her eyes.

"Wot?"

"Can I get a BONELESS PIZZA with a 2-liter Coke?"

"Da fawk koinda pizza? And the 2-liter machine be broken. We gawt 1-liter tho!"

"That's good enough for me."