"Fuck this job. Fuck everything." I said as I stormed out. Got in my truck, stopped at the bar grabbed a 12 pack, and started my drive home. Texted my friends about going out to the bar tonight. No one responded. I finished the last beer as I was pulling up to my apartment.

At my apartment I had about 36 beers and a bottle of vodka. I started drinking the vodka straight up while smoking cigarettes. I didn't even turn the TV on. When the bottle was empty I was drunkest I have ever been. I went to the bathroom just peed in the tub because I knew there was no way I was hitting the toilet. I stared at myself in mirror. It was the first time that I remembered actually looking at myself in a mirror. "Look at you. You fucking loser. You just drank a bottle alone. The only thing you talked to was the squirrel in the wall and yourself. You're pathetic. You fucking drunk loser."

I stormed out if the bathroom. I start walking upstairs to pass out. I slip and fall on the steps. I go to get up. I can't I'm too drunk. I wedge my foot in the banister and pass out on the stairs.

When I came to about two hours later, I realized that was the first time I had never gotten up. I finally picked my ass up and crawled upstairs. The mirror in the hallway had a different face than earlier. This was the face of a defeated person. I just looked into his eyes and said "Hey man we're all we got. Sorry about earlier. I'll never give up again."

OP hope you're ok.