“Don’t you see? The bacteria will fix everything! All the litter, the plastic in the oceans, even single-use straws, will be gone in a matter of days!”

“Can your bacteria be stopped? Can it be contained?

“Oh no, not anymore. It is too far gone. The bacteria will eat and eat until the world runs out of plastic, and then it will die off.”

“The bacteria will eat all the plastic?”

“All of it!”

“I can’t believe you would do something so, so, incredibly, unbelievably stupid!”

“How can you say that? I’m going to make the world better!”

“Have you ever seen someone who’s been intubated in order to breathe?

“What?”

“Have you ever seen someone breathing through a tube because they were hurt or in a coma or something?”

“Well, yeah. But what does that have to do with anything?”

“What do you think the tubes are made of?”

“What?”

“The tubes that goes down someone’s throat to help them breathe, what’s it made of?”

“It would be, um, I suppose, uh… oh no.”

“Yeah, and IV bags that hold medicine, and the tubes that carry that medicine into peoples’ bodies? What are they made of, genius?”

“Oh god.”

“That’s just the beginning. Most pipes and plumbing infrastructure in houses is plastic! Don’t even get me started on how much stuff is made plastic based polyester! Try most furniture sold in the last few decades and a lot of people’s clothes!”

“What have I done?”

“You’ve killed a lot of people! Society can adapt to not having plastic. Plastic wasn’t widely used in consumer products until the 50s. That being said, do you know what airplane windows are made of? Do you have any idea how much plastic is in most cars nowadays? Although, before you try to answer any of those questions, and come to the realization that you are responsible for an untold number of deaths, I just want to know one thing. WHY COULDN’T YOU JUST USE REUSABLE GROCERY BAGS AND RECYCLE LIKE THE REST OF US?”