soogland OP t1_j0qvjm4 wrote
Reply to comment by Crystal1501 in [OT] Im a little stuck in a traffic jam sequence, i want to describe a constant din of car horns, and i want my reader to get just as annoyed by it as the real sound. Any tips? by soogland
Yeah i thought about this aswell, but its maybe a bit too extreme. How would you put it, if you where to remind the reader about it as much as possible, but without doing it like this :)
Extension_Painter999 t1_j0qxbcv wrote
You could try mentioning it constantly and breaking up the dialogue in a different manner perhaps? i.e:
"Could you please",shouted X as the cacophony of horns bellowed through the air, "get them"–the noise grew louder still,–"To shut up!" (at this point the sound was almost deafening), "I feel like I'm losing my mind, here".
(I'm currently lost for examples of onomatopoeic words that could describe car horns [other than "honk" and "beep"] which would obviously be a nice addition, but you could always make some up as well!)
It breaks up the dialogue in an infuriating manner (and becomes more infuriating the longer it goes on imo)
Extension_Painter999 t1_j0qzndd wrote
Also– if you really wanted to get creative with it, and you're writing in a book-style format, you could maybe try diverting the reader from the main text with footnotes, i.e–
"Could you please*get them** to shut up!‡ I feel like I'm losing my mind here!★"
*A cacophony of noise bellowed through the air
**The noise grew louder still
‡at this point the sound was almost deafening
★HOOOOOONNNNKKKK!!!
Although I'd also understand if you didn't want to do that. I personally think it partially recreates the feeling of being distracted by annoying things mid-sentence, but maybe that's just me?
Crystal1501 t1_j0qw6qd wrote
"So ho-" BEEP "how's everything go-" BEEP "going?" BEEP
"School's-" BEEP "great, getting go-" BEEP "good grades." BEEP
​
Otherwise, I got nothing.
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