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ArchipelagoMind t1_j0oakz2 wrote

Beverley Chills Cop: The Squeequel. Chapter 2, Electric Boogieloo.

Snowy was daydreaming out the window as Blitzen steered the blimp towards Elfton, when Poiloog interrupted. “Snowy, our analyst, Summer, needs to brief you before the drop.”

Snowy turned. “Summer? I think I worked with your sister, Spring.”

“Oh no, that's Summer Dove. My last name is Emory.”

“Apologies,” Snowy nodded. “Take it away, Summer E.”

“As everyone here knows, but I’ll state anyway, the Christmas Sloth is an immortal time traveller, who every year delivers Christmas presents to all children. He moves slowly, but jumps back in time as he goes, allowing him to deliver billions of presents in one night, even if it lasts thousands of years for him. Santa is evil, and wants to use gifts as coercion, only giving to children who meet his moral standards. Last year, you two thwarted Santa’s attempt to kill the Christmas Sloth before having no major cases for eleven months.”

“Woah, we found that stash of guns at the Winter fair?” Snuggles looked to his partner for support.

“Yeah. Glock in’n’around the Christms tree.”

“Those were water pistols,” Poiloog grumbled.

“Anyway,” Summer interjected. “Elves remain fiercely loyal to Santa. You can’t let them know your police. Now, good luck, gentlemen.”

With that, the floor opened up beneath Snowy and Snuggles and they plunged from the blimp. They screamed as they fell, screaming all four feet until they landed gently in a large snowback, and looked up at the airship floating at head height.

“Hey, you two,” a voice squeaked. “What’re you doing? explain yours’elfs. You police?”

Snowy looked at the three foot woman standing with crossed arms. Then he peered at the blimp with POLICE written on the side knocking a chimney off a nearby house. “Noooooooooooo?”

“Good. If I saw a lawman, I’d shoot the sherelf and the deputy. In that case, we’re friends. How can I help?”

Snuggles dusted off the snow. “We’re looking for music.”

“Oh. For that, the d’elfault place to go is the disco.”

“The disco?”

“Yeah. Elfa Fitzgerald is playing. The owner’s the welfiest guy in town and flew her in.”

“Where would we find this disco?” Snowy said, an antler twitching.

“Just head down the street and turn elft. But be careful,” the woman turned with an ominous aura before walking away. “Something dodgy is elfoot in that club.”

Snowy and Snuggles followed her directions. It didn’t take long to find. The Jingle Ball was written in electric lettering on the wall and even outside they could hear the thumping bass, strobe lights emanated from the windows, and party goers raved to I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus

“Kinda gross he had that song written about himself?” Snowy muttered.

“Agreed.”

Inside, they walked into a bar that hung from the low ceiling, then up to a bar that served drinks. A waiter spun round. “What can I get you two ‘elfy gentlemen. Maybe a signature cocktail? We have History is nothing more than a tableau of crimes and misfortunes or A taste of haven.”

“Odd names,” Snuggles muttered. “But don’t you mean heaven?”

“Elf no.”

“Don’t serve those two men. Uh-huh. I should’elf known we’d get your kind.”

Snowy and Snuggles turned to see an elf with quaffed black hair in a white sequin jumpsuit.

“You are?” Snuggles asked.

“Elfis. Musical legend and… Uh-huh… owner of this elfstablishment. Now let’s discuss the elfant in the room, shall we. You cops?”

Snowy looked down at the police badge on his chest. “Nooooooooooo?”

“Maybe we should - uh-huh - test that. You know how you spot a cop. Make them dance their socks elf.”

“What?”

“Cops can’t dance, uh huh. Let’s see how skelful you are on the dancefloor, then we’ll decide if we’re friends or your dead.”

Snowy looked down at his lanky hooves, then across to Snowy’s flat-footed webbed toes and non-existent legs. “I’ll do it,” he sighed.

“No. I got this,” Snuggles waggled forward.

“What? Penguins can’t dance?”

“Just call me Snappy Feet,” Snuggles replied, pulling out a pair of sunglasses in the very dark club. “DJ!”

A record skipped and a voice boomed over the speakers. “Ladies and gentleelf, though the weather outside is frightful, but the fiiirrrrreee on the dancefloor is delightful. So since there’s no place to go, let’s get to a ho-ho-ho-hoedown.”

Boogie music began, as the crowd cleared the dancefloor, hollering in delight. Snuggles waddled in-eloquently to the middle of the room, arched his back… then jerked… Then jerked again. Stiff movements. But controlled. Then he bent his arms, swinging his hips round slowly. Snowy watched on in awe. Snuggles was doing the robot.

“Snuggles… how?”

Snuggles turned to his partner in a slow, smooth motion. “Secret, kid. I’m quarter robot, on my mom’s side.”

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