"Haha!! No way! Okay, this is good, this is really good."

You ball up a small note in your hand and stuff it down your pocket. Suit's looking clean as a clam's pearl, hair's looking good; you're all set! Okay, what was the-- Oh man, it's been twenty years, seriously, what WAS the procedure? Some speech I think? I mean, it doesn't really matter so much I guess? And-- Oh crap we're losing them! Were they talking this whole time?

"Hey, wait, are you still there? Stay with me; you're doing me a HUGE favor right now, you don't even understand!"

Okay, get to it!! You spin your swivel chair around one-hundred-eighty degrees, stretching the phone's cord out around your left side and also pulling on the base a bit. Oh my goodness, it's been so long since you got here!! It's finally time to do what's right!! You tuck the receiver between your left ear and shoulder start smashing away at a keyboard! Instantaneously brought to life one last time are the seemingly unsorted lights, buttons, and monitors which laid so dormant for so long behind you, now in front of you! A mini radio dish on top of your system starts spinning for good measure, too! You've got BUSINESS to get to!! It's time to prove your salt and I THINK they've been talking this whole time, too, so, uh, back to them.

"Okay, stay on the line, be calm-- Are you calm? I need you to be calm right now. What's your name? Let's start with the basics-- Your name, your, uhh, your location; are you at home? Is this a home phone? Why are you still here?! We're--"

Eyes shoot to your "Dice of the Month!" calendar for 20XX. Whoa.

"We're TWO CENTURIES LATE!!" you yell into the microphone.

"I know!! I know!!" They sound so giddy! "I'm just-- AAHH!! You're another PERSON! I thought-- It's so, just-- AHHH!!!" They're giggling in really crappy phone quaity audio but you totally feel them."

"Okay, so~?! Talk to me!" They can probably hear the smile on your mouth. Knob-dialing, button-pressing, slider-sliding. "Deets, let's talk!"

"HAHAHA!" Okay, they're still soaking it in, we'll give them a minute. On green-backlit screens you've got maps, you've got graphs and bars and grids and all the rest of it. An antenna rises out of the top of your computer now? Okay, sure.

"I'm-- Uh!!! I'm L! I, uhh, I'm L and I live on the street I grew up on!!"

"Perfect, I know the place. I'm on my way; we're-- Oh fuck do we have some shit to catch up on, L! I'll be there in a minute!" A square slides open on the roof of the room you're in, and the radar dish elevates above and out the room, pointing in one single direction now. Perfect. "Okay, okay-- Talk to you soon! Okay! Okay, bye!" You can't get the smile off your face and BOY do you know they can't either!! You spin another hundred-eighty degrees and accidentally pull the base of the phone off the wall. Fuck it, who cares! You get up, kick your seat to the side, and throw open a set of double doors to your other side!! Untangling the phone wire around you, you step out your white van-- LIGHT!! You look at the untangled phone and base with a look of discontent and sling them away onto the street. In a few moments, you're on your drive, but not before a satisfying slam of the van's backdoors.

"In-- three-hundred meters-- turn-- left." Oh shut up you recognize this place already.

Is that them? I mean-- fucking, duh. You slam on the breaks in front of their house. Aw, they're jumping in excitement! You throw open the driver's side door-- It's finally OVER oh my God-- You slide a fourth of the hood's length before falling back onto your feet and continuing your run towards them. You're both ecstatic. Okay, QUICK!!

"I can't believe it's you!!" they yell while running in for a hug!

"I can't believe it's you!!!!" you yell even louder while going in for a hug, too!

You both crash and squeeze and dance and fly and push and pull in the sweetest reunion of strangers this barren pit of desolation's ever had the downright HONOR to witness, you laugh and cry and yell and sing and do all the rest of it. I said QUICK!!

"Oh!! Right, I forgot!!" You put yourself back on track.

You clear your throat, straighten up, look dead ahead at them. Arms at your side, hands in front of you, palms met. "This is gonna suck. Trust me, it's okay. It's gonna suck, but it's okay."

They tilt their head.

"Stay with me here," you put forwards your left hand and point your index finger up in a 'hold on a second' motion. Your other hand reaches wtf your holster, "Just STAY with me this part's really annoying for some people!!" They're more confused than nervous. You draw your gun!! "Okay, just--" fuck they're charging-- BANG!!

"Okay, crap, calm down, oh my God!!!" You're pressing your hands against your ears-- that was way too damn loud!! "Look at me. You can see me right? Yeah??" They look mortified. But they also look at you, and that's what matters. "Oh YES!!!" You throw your hands into the air and jump!! Fuck yeah!!! "Okay, stay right there!" They start looking around; you'll have to help them take it all in. Might want to move the body before they get a chance to look at it, though. Quickly, you scramble to floor and grab the gun and, with the appropriate amount of posthaste as is necessitated right now, throw yourself into its sights-- your mouth is chock-full of the business end of a real bad tool before you pull the trigger to get the last refugee settled into Project A.F.T.E.R.L.I.F.E., while also killing your narrator in the process.