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Jonnythecontractor t1_iyt0wgt wrote

Robert stared deeply into the eyes of the genie, attempting to pierce into it’s mind to read its thoughts; as hefted a 456 page document, bound into a book. His final wish.

“It’s been some years bobby,” Said Daedalus the genie “It has indeed demon,” Said Robert frostily, “and Its Robert, Rob, or Bob, not “bobby”

“I’ve been waiting for this moment for thousands of years, you enormous asshole, do you have any idea what it’s like to watch your children die in front of you? Your grandchildren? Your great grandchildren” Robert said, voice dripping with venom, he continued “Every single time I settle down and have a nice family, and begin to be happy again, you come along-”

“Buh buh buh, just a minute there, I did no such thing, I didn’t kill a soul, or harm a child, you just happen to be the unluckiest bastard ever, with calamity on your heels” Daedalus said.

“It’s not my fault you wished for immortality, you do know, the universe likes balance, and a human living for thousands of years just upsets the balance. It’s like that smart fellow Isaac who found me one day, for every action, the universe has an equal and opposite reaction” Daedalus continued, smirking at bobby, while hefting the weight of the book in his hand

Robert thought back, Potidaea, the wave that crushed him, watching the wood houses turn into spears, piercing the bodies of his smallest great grandchildren, before being crushed by a stone, at least the cursed persian invaders died that time.

Vesuvius, the feeling of ash clogging his lungs, watching his wife and children die, choking on ashes, turning to dust. A legionnaire, a prophet, a king, a merchant, a sailor, a pirate, a painter, a thinker, a farmer more times than he cared to count.

Hundreds of lives he had lived, each one ending in disaster, murder, suicide, but never old age. Each time he had to feel the pain of death one moment, and the very next, the pain of being born. Leaving the world screaming one minute, rushed through a tunnel the very next, coming out screaming the next as an infant, the memories fading until his fifth birthday.

“Oh yes, the old physics routine. Well I’ve learned this time, D, you’ve perverted my wish each time, cursed me and my descendants to die premature deaths, made me scramble through the earth penniless for eons, but I will have my final wish.” Robert stated so matter of factly.

“Why so harsh for your old friend D, bobby? I’ve always tried to help, I’ve nominally been around to explain what’s happened. I mean, for God’s sake man, you were in a tomb, robbing it when you found me. You wished to be the wealthiest man alive, so I provided that. It isn’t my fault that so much wealth made the persians invade your little tiny city state.” Daedalus exclaimed with big eyes,

His facial expression aggrieved. “In fact” he carried on “there you were, the city burning around you, your wealth lost, and YOU asked me for a thousand lifetimes, and I snapped you right out of there; what kind of friend would I be, AND, AND, you were even born to the wealthiest people alive.”

“I wanted to live forever, you inconsolate ass! Not be subjected to being born, growing old, and dying, again, and again, and again” Robert roared, “Rich, immortal, powerful, an emperor of the planet for EONS!” Robert huffed continuously, face turning red.

“No instead you were born to wealthy families, and got to learn again and again humility, integrity, infirmity, poverty, meekness, and shame” Daedalus smirk was gone, a rising anger beginning to well upon him.

His posture straightened, his face was serious and dour, “You who wanted all the trappings of material gain, who wanted to impose your will upon others, you, the son of a Levite, turning your back on the priesthood and your religion. Again” he shouted loudly now. “Again and again, and again, you have been born, lived and died, with the memories of each life granted you to take with you, and each time you have been reckless, impetuous, rude, self aggrandized, and a consummate asshole. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO WATCH THAT.”

“AND DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THIS LIFE! Here you are the chief justice of the supreme court of the brightest nation in the world; and there you go stripping people of their rights, under the guise of liberty, you simply seek control. You’ve become the very monster you wished to be. But fine, Mr. ROBERT, I’ll read your 456 page wish, some offal inflicting your will upon me no doubt, whilst trying to run off with the spoils. But remember, the universe exacts a price, well beyond what any mere mortal with a million lifetimes can pay. The universe requires balance, and that is all that I provide. Now quiet yourself while I read through these provisions you have gifted me bobby the ass, and if you make one peep, I will turn you into a donkey while I read” Robert closed his mouth tightly into a thin line, glaring daggers as Daedalus the ‘genie’ began to mutter

“Hereto… forthwith.. Jesus man, did you have to write in legalese, I’m pretty sure this is the 14th time I have seen the word subrogated in a single paragraph” Daedalus muttered while glaring at bobby.

A few hours passed as the genie read through each page, his face becoming more grave with each flip of his hand.

“You, essentially, want me, to swap places with you, to live through your lives, and you want to be granted my powers, without the limitations of 3 wishes; and you wrote 468 pages of clauses, and buts, and wherefores” Daedalus said looking intently at Robert, “And your wish, I shall grant; However, Robert, I will remind you of one thing you forgot to mention in your requests, and rules, and limitations, and what can, and can’t be done. The power of a genie, the power I wield, to warp reality, and the universe, and the infinite, comes with a price; you forgot the quintessential part of being a genie; being stuck in a lamp, enjoy eternity you bastard”

With a snap of his fingers, Daedalus disappeared to live through his punishment. Robert felt himself brimming with power, full of life, he thought for a moment, and a shower of golden coins rained down around him. A snap of his fingers, and a car appeared next to him. Suddenly he felt a tug at his feet, something felt like it was sucking him down.

He felt he was falling down a tunnel, the ground moving up to meet his eyes, so incredibly rapidly he could barely comprehend it, until, with a thwup, he landed inside a vessel, surrounded by darkness. No click of his fingers solving this one. He was, he surmised, inside a lamp, his greed, his brilliance, his finest legal writing, and he had made himself into the most powerful being in the cosmos, but he forgot one thing.

He was the genie now, trapped in the lamp, alone, in the darkness, with naught but his own thoughts, until someone, somewhere, rubbed on his vessel, to release him.


ClassicClassicist t1_iyt4r69 wrote

PHENOMENAL COSMIC POWER!!! … itty bitty living space.