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Darkorvit t1_j2azpmt wrote

Bianca was walking through the woods near the hideout. She couldn't get the image of Aiden lifting her up from the broken cave last week. Emotions she didn't know how to name flooded her mind, only taken to attention when she heard a noise coming from behind a bush.

"Who's there?" she ask-yelled, unsheathing her sword of light.

"Finally, someone." answered a coarse voice, and out emerged a man barely taller than Bianca, dressed only in heavu combat boots, beige trousers, and an otherwise white tank top. He came with a rifle slung on his shoulder, and a first aid kit. Dry blood adorned his dirty self.

"Gosh what happened to you?" She said, putting her sword away, "come, we have food and a washing machine inside."

"Wha'appened to you? You's all sparkly and stuff. Why do you have a sword? You ain't gonna kill a crippled rabbit with a sword... Ahh, wha'ever. You got more hands? I need ta get my troop out'f a pit trap." He stopped to spit out a piece of bark mixed with drool, and started walking past Bianca.

She caught up and started walking alongside the ragged man. "Where are your friends, anyways? We'll have to know how long to travel."

"I'unno. Few days out? This long dark is messin up our internal clocks."

"Yeah. But we'll defeat the night bringers and bring light to the world again!"

He raised an eyebrow at her. "You's gonna need som'thn' better than a pointy stick for that, here." He unholsted his sidearm and presented the handle to her. "Name's Ivan, by the way."

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EndorDerDragonKing t1_j2bxkht wrote

More please

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Darkorvit t1_j2bzpig wrote

Dude why y'all want more? It ain't that good

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EndorDerDragonKing t1_j2bzutj wrote

Because ya wrote sumn intriguing

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Darkorvit t1_j2c0maq wrote

I have less plot than george lucas when he had to explain why darth vader was designed like he was

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SuperPotatoThrow t1_j2cp033 wrote

Yah well that there was some damn good writting. Decent short term plot, good formating and character development was on point just within a couple of paragraphs. Keep it up, without a doubt a novel of some kind is in the works.

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GoonTheTroll t1_j2cnsg6 wrote

Ok, in the second sentence you seem to be missing a word or 3. Either "rid of" after get or "out of her head" at the end of the sentence. Either way, I hope you continue the story.

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