The infernal phone rung on my obsidian desk. Sure, I could have a cell phone in any style I could imagine, but this antique style phone was a personal favorite. I smiled as I looked out the window of my office. Floor 216 was quite the spectacular view of Los Angeles, even if mortals cant normally access it.

"Good afternoon, Barry. I do hope your day is going affably." I stirred the tea that was placed on my desk by a succubus. I mouthed 'thank you' as she walked away.

"Oh? You haven't received the powers that we agreed upon? That is rather unfortunate. I'll have to look into it. Give me a call next week and I should have an answer for you."

I pulled the phone away from my ear as a stream of very irate profanities and demands exuded from the speaker. I put it down on the table and took some tentative sips from my tea to test its temperature. Once the shouting stopped, I returned it to my ear.

"Yes, I understand you're frustrated, but this is no way to conduct business. I do hope your future children do not share your temperment, for their sake." I listened for a second before cutting him off.

"Very well, since you insist I look into it now, give me one second." I snapped at my incubus personal assistant who handed me Barry's file. I browsed it while humming Baby Shark and other little earworms I had written in my spare time.

"Oh, I see the problem. Well isn't this a pickle. You see, I can appreciate a good hustle. I applaud you on your valiant attempt here, but I must say you really didn't think things through.

You see you and I made this agreement, in good faith, mind, that you would be granted boons for every child you sired. All well and good, some risk on my part from various aspects of the deal, but totally within acceptable parameters.

Now you failed to disclose the rather large number of donations to several sperm banks throughout your country. Those are null and void to the agreement as those are attributed to several aliases and internal identifiers which are removed from the name you signed the contract with. Birth certificates of any and all children sired by your donations will not have your name on them.

Furthermore, in the ensuing months since our agreement, you made other bargains, and I quote "I would give my left nut for a beer" you made a similar deal regarding your right testicle. Ownership and subsequent children would belong to those that satisfied the requirements of the deal, namely a bartender named Tabitha in Suffolk, and Jane, a waitress at a small diner in Toledo. Those body parts, no longer being your property, are also ineligible to sire children according to our deal. It was rather unfortunate dealmaking on your part."

More shouting ensued, and I enjoyed my tea as I let him tire himself out.

"Oh, what about the twins your wife gave birth to? I have videographic evidence that they are not yours. Again, rather unfortunate for your deal. So you see, I have fulfilled my end of the contract as it was written. I look forward to working with you upon the completion of your contract. See you soon."

The thing I love most about this phone? How it sounds when I place it back on the hook.