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Robysto7 t1_j1xzet3 wrote

The young man was cornered, in his frenzied escape attempt he'd run into a dead end, the monster slowly crept closer. A thick ocher fog enveloped the world, overwhelming the man's senses. A pair of pale white eyes stared from the foggy abyss. The young man steeled himself, raising his fists for a last stand.

"Come on you filthy zombie! I can take you!" He screamed.

As quickly as the fog rolled in, it rolled out to reveal a tall, pale man with delicate facial features. A long black cape flowed around his body. His thin eyebrows raised in confusion.

"What did you just call me?" He asked in dulcet tones.

"A zombie! A corpse that roams the earth, sent straight from hell." The young man's fists shook with fear.

"My dear boy you're mistaken, and as a firm believer in an educated populace let me straighten out this confusion.

Reason the first why that label is grossly inaccurate is the mastery of human language. Words are the paint which I use to create art on the canvas of a person's ears. Can a zombie do this?" The man cleared his throat. He produced a small pitch pipe from his cape, blowing into it to find the note he needed.

"I am the very model of a modern Major-General, I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral, I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical, from Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical; I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical, I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical, About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news, With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse. I'm very good at integral and differential calculus; I know the scientific names of beings animalculous: In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, I am the very model of a modern Major-General..........." The man sang quickly without missing a beat or syllable, taking a pause, or being out of breath afterwards.

"Reason the second is the disgusting cuisine they dine on. Human brain matter and sinew ripped from the bone. Unseasoned, uncooked, teeming with pathogens and bacterium. My palate is more refined, my tastes exquisite. The finest part of a person isn't the meat, it's what flows through it.

Reason the third, this one should be obvious since you can see it with your own eyes. Look upon my cape. Hand sewn and tailored to my exacting specifications. The garments I wear underneath would make even the richest sultan green with envy. Those shambling monsters wear rags, the ones they were buried in.

Reason the fourth. Those abominations roam the earth since the afterlife has reached capacity. They have risen from the fall of death, I have never fallen. After cursing that foul god, death may no longer take me. Some call it a curse, I call it a gift. The gift of the Nosferatu. The only thing I have in common with them is that all it takes is one bite, and you become one of us."

The pale man silently floated to the young man's side. Fangs gleamed in the moonlight.

"So I'm going to be one of you?" The young man asked, his voice quivered in fear.

"Even better, you'll be part of my entourage. Stay still, this will only hurt for a moment."


freesias_are_my_fav t1_j1z8hll wrote

Pirates of Penzance 🤣 I haven't watched that since I was a little kid at my grandparents house