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atcroft t1_j5xe31t wrote

Standing on the precipice,
I look over the edge.
Above me the goal,
Below the demons.

The soul-suckers,
Self-doubt, fear, misgivings
Reach up from the pit
Trying to ensnare.

The edge crumbles
As they reach for me.
Can I sacrifice worry in time to fly
Before they pull me down?

One step, one leap,
Time to decide.
Will I fall or
Will I emerge victorious?

(Word count: 65. Please let me know what you like/dislike about the post. Thank you in advance for your time and attention. Other works can also be found linked in r/atcroft_wordcraft.)

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moinatx t1_j60qix8 wrote

Effective idea to personify negativity as demons. I like the ambiguity at the end. If I have one criticism it's that this feels like an analysis of the experience of fear and doubt without a lot of the emotionality. Perhaps revealing what's at stake - what is the goal would give the reader greater buy-in.

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Tomorrow_Is_Today1 t1_j60pzr8 wrote

Great poem, atcroft! I really like the approach you took where it's grounded in physical imagery while still getting across a clear message.

I have a hard time finding something to crit. I guess something I'd like a bit more of is details on the flying or the leap. From the perspective of the physical world you've set, is it jumping and catching hold of something ("Above me the goal"), or is it more of just straight up flying and the goal is up in the sky?

I really like the rhythm of this piece. It flows together well without sounding monotonous. With the flow as consistent as it mostly was, I did notice the lines "Can I sacrifice worry in time to fly / Before they pull me down?" were a bit longer than the ones before them, and while it didn't stick out a ton it's definitely noticeable.

Good words!

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