Xil, Yol, Zul

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Augtober 13th, 1411 E.E.

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Lars the Farmboy

1 Subsistence Lane

Northwest Dezzak

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Dear Lars,

On behalf of our client, the Emperor, we hereby demand that you immediately cease and desist from any further heroic activity. You have violated your contractual obligations. You have, on multiple occasions, slandered the Emperor in your village square. Worst of all, you have violated the intellectual property rights of the Evil Empire.

We begin with your breach of contract. Your parents signed a lease with Lord Dezzak such that they may farm the land on which you currently live. Lord Dezzak is a subsidiary of the Evil Empire. And you, as your parents’ offspring, are bound by their contractual obligations. This is according to the jurisprudence of the High Court of Nightmares in the seminal case 10,000 Starving Peasants v. The Emperor, 5 EER 57 (1233 E.E.). Therewheretofore, the following acts were - or continue to be - in breach of the contract:

•	Removing an ancient weapon from its resting place on the property.  
•	Using leased farm equipment in a training montage.  
•	Using leased a leased farm animal as a heroic mount.  
•	Painting the living room.

Your liability to the Evil Empire does not stop there. The speeches in the village square you've been giving are slanderous and harmful to the reputation of the Evil Empire and the Emperor himself. You are recorded as saying that he has “stolen the princess.” This assertion is simply untrue. The princess is the Emperor’s property, as is everyone.

Your diatribes also infringe upon the Evil Empire’s word usage rights. You stated that you were “the chosen one” and you were going to “save the princess.” The Empire longago registered these phrases with itself. Please see Registration #4892 (The Chosen One) and Registration #5002 (Save The Princess). Any continued use of these phrases will be considered willful infringement.

Finally, and of most concern, you are at risk of infringing on the Emperor’s patent rights. Our spies have informed us that you have been in contact with a white-haired sage named Olga. She has been teaching you the True Power. The True Power is the exclusive right of the Emperor and is protected by multiple patents:

•	E.E.P. 450 - Method for Harnessing Energy from Surrounding Lifeforms  
•	E.E.P. 830 - Method for Shooting Energy Balls from Hands  
•	E.E.P. 931 - Composition of Glowing Aura  
•	E.E.P. 1128 - Method for Levitating a Little Bit

Listen, you seem like a nice kid. But if you want to topple the Evil Empire, you will have to do so legally.

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Regards,

Xil, Yol, Zul

Attorneys at Law