I swear you're gonna have me turning this into a full-blown book

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On the corner of Third and Chartreuse Street, in Blackwater City’s impoverished west side, there stood a drafty and shoddily-maintained poker and gambling hall, atop which sat two or three dozen cheap rooms for rent by the hour. The two businesses claimed not to be affiliated with one another, despite sharing a building, but in truth, they were both fronts for the Villains Association, which maintained its headquarters in the basement with the prep kitchens below. 

"Sorry if the base leaves a bit to be desired," called Connie through the locked door of the white-walled and genderless employee restroom in which I changed, for the first time, into my costume. "If we put any real work into the place, we might start to attract a decent crowd, and inevitably, people would ask questions.” Whether by ‘decent,’ she was referring to the quantity or quality of patrons to our fronts, I didn’t know. 

Aside, the VA’s orientation video played on my phone, which I had set on top of the toilet tank. I had already watched it; I merely wanted to make sure there was nothing I had missed, but it was shockingly short and simple. The 99-Cent Mart had given me more direction before putting me to work. 

“Well then, how’s the fit?” 

The ensemble consisted of a fitted shirt made of reflective silver lycra, lined with both rubber and kevlar, tucked into matching pants, belted with a holster at my hip for a sidearm. Bright white pleather gloves, lace-up boots, and a hooded capelet completed the look, with dark tinted goggles both for safety and identity concealment. Against the smoggy, starless night sky, I would be starkly conspicuous, grabbing the undivided attention of crowds below–and of my superheroic crush. 

I closed the video, pocketed my phone, and stepped out of the stall to see if my getup had the approval of my new handler. Connie smirked. “You look like a million bucks, rookie. Now, I  just hope you can steal as much!” She jerked her head, gesturing for me to follow her. “Shall we go test out your weapons?” 

As she led me down the hallway, a number of other villains passed us, many of them clapping me on the back or nudging me in the side with wide grins and words of welcome. “It’s friendlier than I expected.” I pointed out. 

“Oh, yeah. Our Christmas parties are incomparable. Well, here we are!” 

We stepped into a room with walls stacked with all manner of weapons, gadgets, and gear. All around us stood mannequins, some more battered than others from what I presumed was target practice, each of them painted with a cartoonish expression of agony, some of them with bullseyes on their chests or the backs of their skulls. Connie pulled what looked like a backpack off the hook from which it hung and handed it to me. As I strapped myself in, I realized it featured two protrusions, each bearing a green button, within reach of my grasp. “The left button is your accelerator, and the right button is your brake,” explained Connie. Curiously, I gripped the accelerator, thumbed the button…

And went rocketing, with a wail, into the air. 

Suspended by a miniature jet engine, I hovered above the ground, catching my breath. 

“Pretty cool, huh?” said a new voice, from behind. I spun around to see Flamethrower standing in the doorway, in full supervillain regalia, leaning against the frame with a casual grin. 

Now that we were on the same side, he wasn’t so intimidating. It was actually a comfort to encounter a familiar–and damn, handsome–face on my first day. (I wondered if he was a rare exception, or if I did indeed, contrary to what I had previously believed, enjoy the company of men.) “Show him the gun, Cons!” he said eagerly. Then, to me, “The weapon was my idea. If you don’t like it, you can send it back or whatever and get something else. I just kind of thought we’d look cool back to back. Oh, I hope it’s alright if I volunteered to mentor you. I figured it’s the least I could do to make up for sticking you up.”

“Hey, what’s a little aggro-robbery between friends, right?”