“Jesus Christ, what happened last night?”

My head pounding, I opened my eyes and winced at the morning sunlight streaming through my bedroom window. Some vague recollections of loud music, flashing strobe lights, and an indeterminate number of tequila shots flitted past my mind’s eye as I turned my head to see the woman lying half-covered by blankets on the bed next to me. What was her name again? Felicity, or Felicia? I’m pretty sure it started with an “F” at least, or maybe an “L”? Whatever, I can figure it out from Instagram tags later.

I rolled myself out of bed, blinking the hungover stupor from my eyes and almost bumping a half-empty bottle of wine on the nightstand. I stumbled across my studio apartment, through the kitchen, and into the windowless bathroom. Making a mental note to get around to cleaning it sometime in the next week, I flicked the faucet upward and splashed the cold water on my face. Groping blindly for a towel, I let out an internal sigh as a raspy, ethereal voice filled the cramped room.

“I see you have been busy of late, Bradley.”

I wiped the cold water off my face and opened my eyes to see the pale silhouette of a deathly figure with glowing green eyes and wispy white hair staring at me from the bathroom mirror. “Melchior, can you just not right now?”

The lich’s gaunt, hallowed face twisted into something that could have been a smile. “I simply sought to remind you of your duties as my ancestral heir. My existence on this mortal plane is tied to the continued vitality of my bloodline, and you presently represent my main hope for survival as your only younger brother - what was the phrase your generation prefers? - ‘Bats for the other team?’”

“God can you just let it rest, it’s 2023 for Christ sakes. And I haven’t even finished college yet, I’m not trying to have kids in my early 20s like all the idiots from my high school. I told you, I’ll get on the whole family bloodline thing once I have my shit together.”

“Given that you choose to spend most your evenings inhaling white powder from the tip of a tiny spoon and jumping around in darkened rooms to this incessant noise you call ‘music’, I fear the process may take longer than I am comfortable waiting. And besides, why should you continue to wait when you have found such an… energetic… partner as you did last night?”

I grimaced. “Oh my god, were you watching again? I told you not to do that. Super creepy, dude.”

From the other room, I heard Felicia’s(?) voice, “Brad, who are you talking to? Is someone here?”

I shouted back through the door, “No I’m just on the phone, give me one sec.” I turned back to the mirror and shot Melchior an exasperated glare. “Look Grandpa, I get the whole ‘procreate for the sake of the bloodline’ thing is a big deal for you, but I’m not just going to knock up some girl I met last night so you can keep harassing my kids and their kids until the end of time. I’ve got it covered, but on my own timeline.”

Melchior’s eyes narrowed. “Your timeline puts my life at risk, child. You know I could make your life very… unpleasant, if you fail to do your duty.” On cue, the bathroom lights flickered and a chill crept into the air.

I rolled my eyes. “Trust me, you already do. Now go back to whatever nether-whatever you hang around in when you’re not riding my ass, I’m not in the mood for this.” I reached under the sink and pulled out a mostly empty bottle of Windex and sprayed it on the mirror where Melchior’s face was floating. The lich’s eyes flashed bright red in annoyance, and his visage slowly faded with a final whisper of “heed my commands, young one…”

Shaking my head, I opened the bathroom door and stepped out into my studio apartment. Felicity was dressed, sitting on the end of the bed pulling last-nights stiletto heels onto her feet. She looked up at me and smiled. “I had a great time last night.”

I walked over and sat down next to her, sliding my hand down her back. “So did I, beautiful. Do you want me to make you breakfast?”

“I wish I could stay, but I made plans with my friends for this morning and I’m already going to be late.”

I kissed the back of her neck, and she giggled. “Wouldn’t you rather spend the day in bed? I’m sure your friends aren’t doing anything as exciting as I would.”

Felicia swung her slender leg over my hips and planted herself on my lap, her arms resting on my shoulders as she looked me in the eyes. “Maybe I’ll come back later tonight? I can’t bail on my friends, we’re doing a seance to try and summon a spirit to…”

“Get out.”

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