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Re-Horakhty01 t1_j5qq406 wrote

The office was warm and welcoming, the walls coloured like sunset and the desk was not too broad, not too deep, giving enough personal space between the two sat at opposite sides of it without creating a distance far enough to be intimidating or isolating. There were two bookshelves, one crammed with textbooks and the other with comics, trashy romances, murder mysteries, biographies and practically every genre of book one could give name to. The chairs were comfortable, too. Death had to admit that as far as the offices for the universe’s last therapist went, it did an excellent job of radiating a sense of both competence on behalf of its owner and disarming charm.

The woman who sat across from him on the desk was not very old, not as one might expect for the Last Woman. She was perhaps in her late fifties or early sixties by appearance. Of course in this late year that could mean she was aeons old, but Death had certain advantages in these sorts of things, and he knew she was barely a century in age. An odd affectation for one so young to allow their age to advance so far… but given she was the Last, perhaps she saw no particular point in it any more.

“You know,” she said, “you do not look anything like what I imagined.”

Death smiled, an old and tired smile for a youthful face of dark skin and blue eyes and a tussle of brown hair, “Would you rather I look different?” he asked, leaning back. Jeans and blue shirt became robes dark as the void outside and his flesh withered into bleached bone and those blue eyes shone in the sockets with a light utterly unlike the lost, dead stars. He leaned forward again, steepling talons, the robes fading to white and more like those of a Buddhist monk than the cowled Reaper, a long curving beak clacking with laughter, and long graceful feathers of a white so bright it burned glimmered upon his frame. Pale flames of green-yellow flickered within his eyes, “Take your pick. I’ve worn many faces over the years.”

If the display affected the woman, she didn’t show it. Instead, she simply shook her head, “No, I was just surprised. Please, take any form that you feel comfortable in. This is a safe place.”

The tall, gaunt bird-creature leaned back in his seat and regarded her with slowly-flickering flame, “I was affecting a shape for your comfort, Doctor, not mine. But as you wish. I shall remain as I am presently, then. It is as good a form as any.”

She pursed her lips at that, and this time she leaned forward, fingers steepling, “Is it? Do you have a name, or do I simply call you Death this entire time?”

The avian figure clacked his beak in laughter, “Well that is one of my truer names, if not the Truth of me. But in this body… in this body, I am called Ayam the Pale. It will suffice.”

She nodded, “Ayam, then. Alright, so Ayam why are we here today?” she asked, her voice gentle, displaying a quiet sort of curiosity.

“Is it not obvious, Doctor? You are the last human living. The last mind living, in fact. I just took the last of the Archai in their blackhole computational matrices, and the last of an unnamed species of mollusc-esque creatures that clustered around the volcanic vents of the last even remotely habitable planet in the universe a few trillion trillion lightyears away. I am impressed, really, that you have held out alone here for a whole year. The last living thing in Refuge. The last sanctuary of organic life in all Existence, outlasting even the stars. It was a truly commendable effort.”

His voice was kind, and there was even admiration in it, but something in it made Doctor Iqra Schroeder frown, “You left me until last? God-computers, alien animals, philosophers and mystiques and scientists from a hundred million human clades alone never mind the uncounted number of xeno-sophonts out there… and you pick me to go last?”

Ayam shook his head, “I do not choose, Doctor. That is not my place. I am Death. I do not kill,” he paused, hesitated, and then amended, “Unless I am asked to hurry things along, but I have not done that in a very long time. No, I come to you because it is time. I have put it off for a year and a day, but I can forestall my duty no longer.”

She tilted her head, “Forestall?” She asked, eyes searching his alien face. He’d chosen that form for a reason; there was something in it he took comfort from, but it also made it harder to read him. Perhaps his hesitance was subconscious, and this was another part of it. He wanted her help, and would not admit it to himself, and so made it harder on himself to get it. He would not be the first patient to exhibit such avoidance behaviour, “And why are you stalling, Ayam?”

He hesitated, looked away, “A poor choice of phrase. I wanted to give you time to come to terms with it. That is all.”

She shook her head, “I don’t think that’s true. You left a therapist as the last living thing. You avoided coming here for a year after the last other souls passed on. When you said that you had ‘just’ taken the molluscs and the Archai… that was a year ago too, wasn’t it? When the others here took their lives because of their…” she hesitated, a pain flickering across her face, “Religious beliefs.”

Ayam sighed heavily, and forced himself to look back at her, “I can see that I cannot lie to you. Yes. I left you alone this whole time. I could have come to you then, and given you my offer then, and… put things to rest. But I did not. It was… cruel of me, to prolong this. I am sorry, Doctor.”

She gave him a long, steady look, “If you think you were being cruel leaving me here like this… then why did you do it?”

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Re-Horakhty01 t1_j5qq68w wrote

“Call it… sentimentality,” he said, after a moment, and he found himself unable to meet her gaze, and so he began to inspect the diploma hanging on the wall over her tight shoulder, “You are determined to keep going despite it all. The Life-Struggle. Life striving against itself to continue on. The Universal Eros….” He his beak curved in something like a smile, “I suppose you remind me of her. Them. My other half, in so many ways. She’s still here, I suppose, so long as one thing yet lives that strives to keep this universe from emptiness, that still clings on. Even if with all the rest of Life perishing now, she’s… faded back into the Totality like everything else.”

Iqra blinked at that, “Totality? What do you mean by that?”

He finally managed to meet her gaze, now he was on surer, less personal ground, “Exactly what I said. Call it God, or the Oneness, or the Dreamer, whatever metaphor you like. This universe is not the first, not by a long shot, nor is it the last. When you are gone, so too shall I go. Without life, there can be no Death. We little shards of the Oneness, we little flickers of dreaming-delusion will fall away, and there will be Nothing-and-Everything again. Like it was before this kalpa began. And then, eventually, the Oneness of it all will awaken to itself again and it will shatter again as it always does. There is always some fragment, some little whisper within the Oneness that longs to exist, to be, to live… and that’s what does it, you see. As soon as that idea takes root, the Oneness can’t exist any more. For a thing to exist, there has to be a thing that it isn’t in order to contrast it. For there to be Being, there must be Non-Being. So, it splits in two, and then those two split again and again and again and then you have another kalpa cycle. On and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on.”

As he spoke, the calm and almost introspective tone of his voice slowly changed and grew almost desperate, despairing, and she suddenly saw a man drowning in some fathomless ocean, “Do you understand, Doctor?” He asked, and his voice quavered and it was full of pain, “Once I take you, that’s it. I cease to exist until I come back and I… am tired. I am so, so tired. You always call me Death. Every time we are here, you call me that but that is not my name. That is not who I am.”

He’d stood up, lurched to his feet, talons raking at her desk and gouging furrows in it and he was staring at her, trembling. Her mind raced, absorbing everything he had said. What did one say to someone who apparently was tired of existing entirely? How did you react to Death all but proclaiming he wanted to die? She latched on to that last, despairing statement and swallowed hard, “Then… who are you, Ayam?”

He fell back into his seat and took a deep, shuddering breath, “Think about it, Doctor. You are the Universe knowing itself. Stars ‘died’ and their dust became other stars, and the worlds around them and the life upon them. But the atoms are the same, and they recombine in different shapes and combinations. Becoming rivers and mountains, animals and humans and plants and animals again. Flowing one to the other through the life-cycle of a world. The atoms in a plant become part of the animal that grazes on it, that become part of the animal that eats it, to the human that eats that, to the earth they are buried in, and the plants anew. The differences between all these things are, ultimately, an illusion. A dream. How, then, can Death be?”

Her eyes widened, as suddenly she understood his point, “You are… change. Transformation. One thing becoming another thing. You’re the very thing that’s causing you pain, aren’t you? Every time the universe ends, another begins. Every time something dies, it just becomes something else. As soon as the next kalpa starts, you exist. Even trying to stop that happening is just… more you.”

Ayam sat heavily in his seat and smiled wanly, “And so,” he said drily, “You see the problem. I want it all to just… stop. To stand still. It is exhausting, to be what I am. This is not the first time we’ve had this conversation. It will not be the last. I suppose there is a certain catharsis, to speak of it. To have it out there. To say it. Even if it’s only at the curtain-call.”

She stood up and rounded the desk, taking one of his talons in her hand gently, “You do not have to do this alone, you know. You don’t have to bear the burden. You are Change itself; surely in the next universe, you can be something different?”

Death stood, and he was tall, and thin, and robed in black and his hand was a thing of ancient bleached bone, “Perhaps,” he said, “Perhaps not. I suppose we shall find out.”

Her eyes widened as she realised too late the change in his form and what he was about to do, “No, wait we’re not finish-“

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