Sorry I didn't get a chance to answer this last night. In essence I would sum it up that Baltimore is a city of neat little neighborhoods. Apparently the whole country who hasn't spent time here thinks it's the wire. It's true the crime numbers are high, but IN the nicer parts it's lovely and safety wise comparable to most east coast cities. DC is ironically the same way. Ask your partner if when he lived there he spent time in Trinidad or Mount Pleasant, I'm guessing the answer is no and those areas were racking up some serious numbers even just a few years ago haha. I've lived here for 12 years, in many parts, and loved every minute of it. I also lived in DC for 10 and I prefer it here.

As far as appeal, citiness, walk ability, culture, etc, I'd say I can't sum it up in a reddit post. Here's what I'd do: spend a day hopping around a couple areas of interest and see how you both actually like it.

• Do NOT go to the inner harbor. It's a decaying relic of a gross 80s tourist trap but for some reason it's where everyone visits here and it gives a horrible impression of Baltimore. It's like thinking you've seen DC after going to Gallery Place/Chinatown.
• Check out historic fells point, pop into a pub or restaurant around Thames st.
• Walk around mt Vernon, especially the monument area it's really very pretty and quite a few neat spots. Mt Vernon marketplace is nice for a bite, or try Sugarvale for a cocktail
• Bolton Hill is right above Mt Vernon and is very residential but pleasant and walkable.
• Hampden is a bit above those two and just a charming neighborhood with tons to do and see. Some great restaurants.
• Federal Hill is on the South side of the city and has a big bar scene. Also very walkable

Too many to name and I suspect someone will follow this up saying I left out more (which I did!) But it's not a bad list to start with for a slice of Baltimore city.

EDIT: Forgot about public transit. This is where DC does actually shine to be fair. The metro is in the top 3 subway systems in the country it's hard to beat. We do, however have free buses that will go roughly to most of the places mentioned above, but I will admit the city is a bit more uber-y / drivey than DC. Personally though I've walked between every neighborhood above.

If you live right next to Penn Station in Baltimore, you’d be living closer to Union Station by train than Rockville or Vienna, and if they’re working in Capitol Hill then it’s a simple walk from there.

I feel like as far as random violent crime goes, DC has been worse than Baltimore in recent years…

My husband and I were in the same boat as you 7 years ago (I had an offer near Union Station in DC, he had an offer around BWI). We ended up in Mount Vernon, Baltimore and it was absolutely the right decision for us. The Penn line is super dependable and frequent, and I think I had an easier/more pleasant commute than many of my colleagues who took the metro (I'm full time remote now). Obviously Baltimore is more affordable, but I also like the vibe is much more down to earth than DC. Mount Vernon is super charming, great arts scene, and some excellent bars and restaurants.

We moved from a small city in the midwest, so crime was definitely on our minds too, but I honestly don't feel any less safe than I do in any other major city. I actually am more on edge in DC, but that's maybe just because my work is right by a homeless encampment.

If you’re living around Penn station in Mt. Vernon or Barclay, violent crime won’t be much of an issue. Not anymore than many parts of dc. Violent crime is largely localized to areas that would not be convenient for y’all to live in Baltimore anyway. Penn Station gives y’all access to MARC, Amtrak and Acela trains, there are multiple bike lanes and bus routes in the area, great restaurants, shops, bars and just a few blocks to the west is the light rail which will get you north and south from BWI airport at the southernmost stop and Hunt Valley (a northern suburb 8-10 miles outside of the city) to the north. The light rail will also get you to the inner harbor and at the stadiums’ front doors (they both have separate stops.)You can get pretty easily from the light rail to the subway downtown. Also, art scape (one of the city’s biggest annual events) happens in the summer right outside Penn Station’s doors. I don’t live in the Mount Vernon/Bolton Hill area, but I definitely get the appeal, especially if one is trying to live car free and affordably in the dc/Baltimore area. It’s the confluence of a lot of great things including 4 types of public transit (which probably no other area of Baltimore has.) Definitely price compare an area of DC that y’all are considering living to Mount Vernon or Bolton Hill or Barclay in Baltimore.