My husband and I were in the same boat as you 7 years ago (I had an offer near Union Station in DC, he had an offer around BWI). We ended up in Mount Vernon, Baltimore and it was absolutely the right decision for us. The Penn line is super dependable and frequent, and I think I had an easier/more pleasant commute than many of my colleagues who took the metro (I'm full time remote now). Obviously Baltimore is more affordable, but I also like the vibe is much more down to earth than DC. Mount Vernon is super charming, great arts scene, and some excellent bars and restaurants.

We moved from a small city in the midwest, so crime was definitely on our minds too, but I honestly don't feel any less safe than I do in any other major city. I actually am more on edge in DC, but that's maybe just because my work is right by a homeless encampment.