How to apply principles used in the book "How to win friends and influence people"?

Submitted by Broad-Inflation4210 t3_yf5bm7 in books

Hey everyone, This is my first reddit post so sorry if I break any rules or do anything stupid.

I started reading "How to win friends and influence People". I finished chapter 3.

Principle #1: Don’t criticize, condemn or complain

I started applying this principles and this is very easy to apply, you just have to notice your past where someone made you angry (could be friends, colleagues, siblings) and you criticized them and notice if it changed anything or helped in any way. If no then how differently could you have handled it? Also notice present where you criticized and how could you have handled it differently.

Principle #2: Give honest and sincere appreciation

This is also quite easy to get started with. I started with appreciating my friends , telling their best quality. I personally thanked people on forums who helped me.

Principle #3: Arouse in the other person an eager want.

This is the principle I am struggling with. I don't know how can I start applying this principle. How can I arouse an eager want?

It would be great if you can share your techniques or examples or stories .You can read other people's comments and learn from them as someone said" there is always something to learn" and others can learn from you.

More people will engage in this post more upvotes will the top comment gets and hence more followers to them. Also more knowledge to everyone.

I tried to apply third principle here, let me know if it was any good xD

P.S. sorry if broke any rules here, this is my very first post.

Thank you

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old_sgt_h t1_iu22gm4 wrote

The problem I know happens when you try (as you kinda did) to "arouse an eager want" in someone is that you have to be careful. Yes, there's almost always something someone "wants," in your example it's upvotes, but depending on how you go about it you could be seen as appealing to their selfishness.

If you do it wrong or go too far then some people may feel like you're teasing them into being greedy. I say this because I notice it with salespeople a lot, they always tend to try and entice people by convincing them they want more than they need.

If you do it right it can be a good sales technique or a good way to appeal to people. But I always believe it should be more a thing where you convince them that helping you will help them.

Like in the example u/keesouth gave where they ask for information by explaining how giving the information will help everyone.

I know this may seem confusing, sometimes it is. I may not be fully explaining what I mean here. But I can only speak from my experience. I have read that book and I recommend it to people often. Just keep in mind that by saying "Influence" it also means "Manipulate" and not everyone likes to feel manipulated.

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Broad-Inflation4210 OP t1_iu3eq6m wrote

Hahaha nice try though, right? But I didn't do it for upvotes, I tried to like make Redditors comment on this post for upvotes. Yeah I agree, you can easily look greedy if you persuade people for too long. I guess you should try to genuinely help others and align your need with their needs. Mutual benefit I guess.

Thanks for your tips I'll try these tips on people close to me first.

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llamaddramaa t1_iu2v1sb wrote

I can’t speak for #3, but related to #2, a simple word swap that I’ve noticed makes a world of change in people’s feelings: instead of thanking someone by saying “I appreciate it,” say “I appreciate you.” It changes your thankfulness from the act to the person.

I actually had a hotel employee email me once to thank me for saying it. She said nobody had ever said it to her before.

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Broad-Inflation4210 OP t1_iu3f6fi wrote

Now that you've mentioned it. It really does sound better. Just swapping one word changes the impact of it onto the other person.

Btw for the third principle, I got a way to apply those techniques. Think of a friend or family member from whom you wanted something but couldn't get just because it was all "I want" and now think how could you have done it differently knowing the third principle.

And the next time you want something from your friends, just think how can I do this differently from "I want".

Thanks for your tip

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keesouth t1_iu1x7lt wrote

This book helped me immensely and #3 the most. Sometimes I have to ask for information from people and I used to go to them and say hey I need this information in order to help you but after reading this I instead explained how getting the information would help them. So instead of saying hey I need this information to complete your case I would say "can you please provide this information to me because this will be the best way to make sure that your client is getting exactly what they wanted. By getting the information from you I can ensure that no mistakes will be made and we can get it done that much more quickly."

I've gotten so much better responses now because it helps them understand how helping me helps not only them but their client as well.

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Broad-Inflation4210 OP t1_iu3e6yz wrote

Yeah, like talking in terms of their need not in terms of our need. I was thinking of trying this principles with my friends. Practice on them . Btw how do you arouse an eager want in your clients?

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keesouth t1_iu3thsp wrote

Talking in terms of their needs is the eager want. By telling them how it benefits them makes them eager to want whatever you're offering. Figure out what would be the most appealing thing for them. For example If you want to convince a friend to go to a particular movie you don't say "I want to go see this movie. Do you want to come with me? "

Instead you say "I know you love this actor and he has a new movie. You should come with me to see it."

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Mr_S_Jerusalem t1_iu3zitm wrote

Well; Principle 1: Where's the fun in that?

Principle 2: You'd be amazed how many people don't actually like honesty, even if you're being nice. Although I think it is true that if there was generally more feedback the world would probably be a better place.

Principle 3: That's just how you get people to do things, manipulation pretty much. They have have to want to do it.

And Principle 4 is actually nuts when applied badly lol.

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Broad-Inflation4210 OP t1_iu4zkwv wrote

Well I don't think principle 3 is a manipulation, I think it depends on our motive and mutual benefit

I didn't read principle 4 yet so I'll keep this in mind.

Thanks for your views though

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