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bookdealmaybe t1_irytsxc wrote

Reply to comment by FrustratingMangooose in The hidden transphobia in "The Art of Being Normal" by hayzulhay

Oh, just for reference, I live in Arkansas, aka the state that currently has a law being fought in the courts on whether trans kids should be allowed hormones. So, yeah, our experiences with trans issues are probably a lot different.

Not to mention iirc, you're bipoc, so if I understand correctly, you probably have different experiences from a white trans girl even in NYC?

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FrustratingMangooose t1_iryv5dn wrote

Oh, then yeah, I would argue it is much easier to transition in NYC than in some other people. Socially, though, it is dangerous, especially for a BIPOC. I chose to transition after high school because I could not deal with the trans folk ending up in hospitals, committing suicide because of bullying, etc. It was too much for me. I did not want to end up like them, as horrible as that sounds. A lot of my internalized transphobia is a direct reflection of how people in New York viewed trans folks, so that’s what I was saying that.

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bookdealmaybe t1_iryvj4v wrote

Oh, fam (I was gonna say girl, but I'm not certain if that's correct). I am with you on that. I've known I was trans for a while but only recently started to present as myself in public, because I was terrified of coming out in the south. Kept trying to move to better places before making that leap. Idk if I'm ever gonna be able to get out of the south at this rate, so I said fuck it.

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FrustratingMangooose t1_iryxni1 wrote

A girl is fine! I am non-binary, so whatever pronouns people use are okay as long as they are respectful. I knew I was trans forever, and even though I had a good support system, it was scary transitioning. People say the medical aspect of transition is hard, but I say the social aspect is like a knife on a chalkboard.

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bookdealmaybe t1_iryyel1 wrote

Oh, frfr. I knew i was trans at like 16 or so, but even my mom admits there were signs from 3-4 years old. My dad's a baptist preacher, so it was hard to come out to them. even when i did they "supported" me in that they didn't kick me out, but i still to this day (14 years later) have to convince my dad that trans people can exist without assuming his god made a mistake

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FrustratingMangooose t1_iryzi90 wrote

I think I knew I was trans right when puberty hit, and that solidified that I was not going to be a girl. I mean, I am dramatizing it because I developed feminine features as I went through puberty, but the thought of testosterone coursing through my body was such an uncomfortable feeling that I quite literally went through half my life thinking that I can ignore it 😪

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bookdealmaybe t1_irz039x wrote

Girl, I legit think i repressed my transness, cause I remember when i was a kid i had dreams of being a girl, I dressed in secret (before i ever knew being trans was a thing). I knew something was up, but never knew what.

I remember in gym in high school being weirded out cause when we did jumping jacks a certain feature flopped against the front of my shorts. I legit phoned in jumping jacks to avoid the possibility that it might be noticable cause it made me super dysphoric.

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FrustratingMangooose t1_irz2f5h wrote

I used to do the same thing! I remember having to explain how it feels to wake up every day feeling disconnected from yourself. Every dream I had, was the person I wanted to be but had no way of becoming. It was weird that I could never picture myself as a man when people said, “where do you see yourself in ten years,” and it was so difficult to imagine myself as a man😪 Not telling people I would like to be a happy woman was like I was lying to myself

I hated P.E. for the same reasons you had. Dressing up where my (invisible, but still felt) muscles were showing and having my junk move was uncomfortable, especially since I wore tight clothing to prevent movement since I did not know what tucking was at the time. Oh, and entering the boy’s locker room? I hated it. It was so uncomfortable

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bookdealmaybe t1_irz3gff wrote

I daydream before going to bed to wind down my brain (where most of my stories start out funnily enough) and it was always a girl me. It's a wonder it took so long to click honestly!

I didnt mind the boys locker room specifically so much as the fact i had to change in front of people. i got in the habit p quick of wearing my gym clothes under my uniform so i could just slip out of the uniform, throw it in a locker and go

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FrustratingMangooose t1_irzw14m wrote

Ugh, yeah. That feeling of realization is the best, though. You finally have an answer to what was going through your head the whole time

I don’t know, maybe it was because of my school, but transphobia was disgustingly apparent, and the boys (the children within my grade) changed with the men (the people older than us; seniors), which never made any sense, but you know. Thank God I’m in college, lmao

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FrustratingMangooose t1_iryzu88 wrote

My dad was a regular one, honestly. Most of my family was more progressive than I thought, but I never told my mom that I was trans. I have no idea how she will react, but that day will come when it comes. (Sadly)

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