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FrustratingMangooose t1_iryzi90 wrote

Reply to comment by bookdealmaybe in The hidden transphobia in "The Art of Being Normal" by hayzulhay

I think I knew I was trans right when puberty hit, and that solidified that I was not going to be a girl. I mean, I am dramatizing it because I developed feminine features as I went through puberty, but the thought of testosterone coursing through my body was such an uncomfortable feeling that I quite literally went through half my life thinking that I can ignore it 😪

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bookdealmaybe t1_irz039x wrote

Girl, I legit think i repressed my transness, cause I remember when i was a kid i had dreams of being a girl, I dressed in secret (before i ever knew being trans was a thing). I knew something was up, but never knew what.

I remember in gym in high school being weirded out cause when we did jumping jacks a certain feature flopped against the front of my shorts. I legit phoned in jumping jacks to avoid the possibility that it might be noticable cause it made me super dysphoric.

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FrustratingMangooose t1_irz2f5h wrote

I used to do the same thing! I remember having to explain how it feels to wake up every day feeling disconnected from yourself. Every dream I had, was the person I wanted to be but had no way of becoming. It was weird that I could never picture myself as a man when people said, “where do you see yourself in ten years,” and it was so difficult to imagine myself as a man😪 Not telling people I would like to be a happy woman was like I was lying to myself

I hated P.E. for the same reasons you had. Dressing up where my (invisible, but still felt) muscles were showing and having my junk move was uncomfortable, especially since I wore tight clothing to prevent movement since I did not know what tucking was at the time. Oh, and entering the boy’s locker room? I hated it. It was so uncomfortable

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bookdealmaybe t1_irz3gff wrote

I daydream before going to bed to wind down my brain (where most of my stories start out funnily enough) and it was always a girl me. It's a wonder it took so long to click honestly!

I didnt mind the boys locker room specifically so much as the fact i had to change in front of people. i got in the habit p quick of wearing my gym clothes under my uniform so i could just slip out of the uniform, throw it in a locker and go

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FrustratingMangooose t1_irzw14m wrote

Ugh, yeah. That feeling of realization is the best, though. You finally have an answer to what was going through your head the whole time

I don’t know, maybe it was because of my school, but transphobia was disgustingly apparent, and the boys (the children within my grade) changed with the men (the people older than us; seniors), which never made any sense, but you know. Thank God I’m in college, lmao

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