Submitted by Love_and_Squal0r t3_zvm9x8 in books

It was a book I had put off for the longest time, and I regret it.

I'm trans who has an immigrant family, and it felt like he was writing about my life. Sure the time and place are different, but I felt he wrote with empathy and understanding about a a subject we are just now reckoning with.

I cannot recommend it enough.

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kidcop1975 t1_j1qmzeq wrote

Loved this book. I got to the middle of it and about 30 pages were missing! (It was a used book and perhaps they fell out from use). Anyway, I emailed the publisher and asked for a digital copy of just those pages. They sent me a whole brand new book with a book mark signed by the author. I read it multiple times.

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gingr87 t1_j1qg2eo wrote

Jeffrey Eugenides is my all-time favourite author. If you enjoyed the style of his writing then definitely check out his other books, The Virgin Suicides, and The Marriage Plot. They are perfection.

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AutumnEclipsed t1_j1r961d wrote

The Marriage Plot was a big let down for me. The writing was still good like his other books, but the plot and characters weren’t as complex or interesting as in his other books. I felt detached from the story the whole time. I was waiting patiently for this book to come out since I had reread Middlesex and Virgin Suicides a few times too.

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Heybitchitsme t1_j1rhr6s wrote

I agree - I love Middlesex and The Virgin Suicides but Marriage* Plot just didn't click with me. I didn't even finish it, which was disappointing because I was so excited about it. I'm glad I started his work with TVS.

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gingr87 t1_j1rk5gs wrote

The Marriage Plot is actually my favourite of the three. It just felt so deliciously melancholy. Books/movies that make me feel kind of morose are my favourites.

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Odd_Bibliophile t1_j1qwxmg wrote

Maybe I'm biased because he is one of my favourite authors as well, but I think his collection of short stories, Fresh Complaint, is also extremely well written.

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gingr87 t1_j1r235c wrote

It is for sure. I'm just definitely more about the full-length stories.

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CrunchyButtMuncher t1_j1qkx9l wrote

I read this book when I was eleven, and I'm so thankful I did. There was a lot I didn't understand but it helped shape my brain to be open to different sexualities and gender expressions later on in life. I would love to go back and read this again, thanks for reminding me!

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Sad_Meringue_4550 t1_j1rf6jq wrote

One of my beloved high school English/Literature teachers recommended this book to me very strongly. Multiple times. She didn't tell me what it was about, just that she thought I would enjoy it and it was a very good book and had I considered reading it yet? Unbeknownst to her I got it confused with Middlemarch, which I was not interested in reading, so I never did.

I realized an embarrassing number of years later that not only was Middlesex not the same as Middlemarch, but that my teacher had (correctly) suspected that I was transgender before I did. And I still haven't read Middlesex. I'm sorry Mrs. O'Brien, you tried so hard, but I did figure it out in the end.

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CLaarkamp1287 t1_j1qei7l wrote

I was just thinking yesterday how I need to go back and reread this one, and your post is going to help me do it sooner than later. I loved it, but it’s been such a long time.

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Love_and_Squal0r OP t1_j1qf5cd wrote

Cal's reunification with Desdemona was one of the sweetest and truest things I've ever read.

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paulveebee t1_j1qnk1k wrote

Excellent book. 5/5 stars.

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urgent_uvula t1_j1rjuh0 wrote

I read that book years ago and it was my first exposure to the trans experience. I’ll never forget when he makes the point at the end that the transformation one makes in their lifetime is much greater than the transformation from woman to man. I still think about that now that we’ve gone through a reckoning with the trans and gender-fluid experience. Gender is far less important than all the other things that make a person.

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Love_and_Squal0r OP t1_j1rqgqg wrote

This is it exactly. The book mainly follows the growth of Cal's family, and how it changes but in ways stays the same. Just as we all do.

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timtamsforbreakfast t1_j1sak8k wrote

It is interesting that several comments here are talking about the main character as being trans, but I thought Cal is intersex not trans. I had wondered if an intersex person reading this book would find it accurate and relatable, or actually find it offensive (especially since it is implied that Cal being intersex is a direct result of incest).

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Love_and_Squal0r OP t1_j1sbioc wrote

You're correct, Cal is intersex, however the experience of transition is fairly accurate. I found how he described Tessie's emotions about Cal's return relatable.

Many people who are intersex, may not transition, but some do.

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AlmostLucy t1_j1tec9b wrote

Anecdotally, my dear friend loved it. I learned quite some time later that she is intersex.

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foruntous t1_j1r6irn wrote

Absolutely loved this book. It has so many layers

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RamblingRomp t1_j1qzicd wrote

I've never read it but my husband read while we were in college. According to that book, different ethnicities have different smells. He says I smell of onion ever since he read that book.

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flyingponytail t1_j1rldek wrote

I'm glad to hear that someone who is trans appreciates this book. I read it as a cis hetero young adult without any experience in gender issues and it I appreciated how it opened up my mind to thinking more broadly about sex and gender before this was a thing we really talked about openly

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Pumpkin_Pie t1_j1rsmxm wrote

It's one of my all-time favorite books

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Bazinator1975 t1_j1rw2r9 wrote

As a first novel, The Virgin Suicides is stunning. Middlesex is, in my mind, the pinnacle of his literary career to date.

The Marriage Plot was fine; Fresh Complaint was a letdown.

I have often found myself wrestling with this perspective with directors and bands as well. They make well-above-average art overall, yet audiences/readers and critics frequently can't get past holding them to the standard of their best work, perhaps not realizing how rare such accomplishments are in any medium.

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LitFan101 t1_j1rullh wrote

What a beautiful book. Although the first time I read it, I just grabbed it from my moms shelf and based on the title assumed it was about a small town in England lol.

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Chicachikka t1_j1rz7pl wrote

I enjoyed reading that and it sure was eye opening.

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mintbrownie t1_j1yf5tm wrote

I loved the book. 5-stars from me. But what the hell happened near the end? I swear a 2nd author jumped in and finished it. And yet it’s in my top 5 books of all time - the rest is that damn good.

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Love_and_Squal0r OP t1_j1z8hdu wrote

I do agree that the end ties up a bit too neatly. I wish Eugenides went into more about Cal's feelings about presenting and transitioning to be a man.

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guccigenshin t1_j1x12gg wrote

read this a few months ago after my friend listed it as one of her all time faves. im cis hetero so couldn't directly relate to the gender/sex issues (while wholly appreciated how thoughtfully it was written) but as 1st gen the thing that personally struck me was how wonderfully it captured the charming yet uncomfortable cultural dichotomy between our immigrant parents' "old world" life and the americanized middle class "new world" they gave us. >!(cal standing guard for the funeral killed me) !<for that alone this was one of the most relatable and deeply touching novels I've ever read

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DownloadedBear t1_j1y4qrb wrote

I’m interested to see all the positive comments. The only thing I’ve ever really heard about it is that the understanding of intersex conditions was wildly outdated at best. Anecdotal and I don’t know how that impacts the reading. I’ve definitely read a lot of things based on “how something was understood at the time,” and been able to take myself out of judging it in modern terms.

All I can say is that I see this book everywhere. It’s in every used bookshop around me all the time. I distinctly remember noticing this cover in book stores as far back as I can remember going to book stores. Hey, Maybe I should check it out.

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Love_and_Squal0r OP t1_j1z8wiq wrote

I would say the book takes a strong stance for intersex rights. It's set in the 70's and that is how people talked and behaved then (and still do). If anything, I would say it takes a very optimistic view towards the experience and Cal's transition. Nothing really bad happens to Cal and he's supported by his family. Many intersex people never even get the choice of how they live their life.

Outdated by who's views and standards? That is a bit of a broad opinion.

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DownloadedBear t1_j20bs77 wrote

Yeah, I don’t know. Just one of those things you sometimes hear around book spaces. Never actually looked into it before your post made me interested.

Did a quick look around google and saw an intersex advocacy group that seemed broadly positive about it and had more info about the specific condition of the book character, with the usual qualifiers of “there is no one unique experience.” Also found a short review by an intersex reviewer that was very impressed by it.

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