With the meteoric rise of social media I’m noticing more and more often, I’ll be at a social gathering (e.g extended family round, an evening at the in-laws) and everyone but me is sat scrolling on phones with no one batting an eyelid.
But… if I were to whip out a book and start casually absorbing it there’d be uproar!!
When did this happen? Is there a way around it? I’ve downloaded pdf versions of books onto my phone before to avoid controversy which just feels ludicrous.
In my social circles (adults), it's still considered very rude to scroll around on your phone in most social situations. The exceptions (low-intensity chilling, etc) would also apply to reading books.
The amount of people who casually scroll their phone in social situations really bothers me. I do not take my phone out when I'm with friends or family unless it's a call or to specifically show something to someone.
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Ironically those that do this (in my circles at least) are the most likely to complain about others not paying attention to them.
It's really bonkers. I feel like a jerk taking my phone out in any situation someone might randomly need my attention let alone a social situation where that's the whole point.
People need to practice leaving the phone in the purse/car/bedroom whatever.
Same here, I spend enough time online, time with my friends is precious to me.
Lol I was totally that kid who brought a book EVERYWHERE and read even while walking, and as I grew up, yep it’s annoyingly a social faux pas as an adult. I also just read on my phone now! No one ever has to know and I get to squeeze in a few more pages wherever I am
I bring a book, along with my notebook and pen, everywhere that I go. Of course it’s very rude to read at the table instead of speaking to your friends and family, but in any situation where it wouldn’t be faux-pas to use a mobile device, I think that it’s fine.
That said, manners are a context dependent social construct and truly it is the case that “impolite” is whatever your peers deem impolite or anti-social. So although it is logically incoherent, it might be the case in your family that reading is rude while scrolling social media isn’t.
It's a strange contradiction, yes. For some reason it would feel different for someone to pull out a book during a group dinner, whereas scrolling, while rude, seems less offensive.
I think the solution is not to making reading in the middle of socializing acceptable, but to rather encourage everyone to "be present" as they say and look at each other instead of screens.
For a lot of people, being interupted while reading is jarring, so Id guess most people assume that if youre reading, you shouldnt be disturbed unless necessary. On the other hand, scrolling social media is rarely jarring to break out of, and is seen as something a person does to fill the space bwtween interactions, not usually as an active hobby that requires your attention and brainpower.
Definitely noticed this too. I think maybe it's because pulling out your phone and scrolling on social media is so low-effort and mindless, whereas pulling out a book and reading may be considered more offensive because it's so much more noticeable. Maybe reading just gives off a more discernible vibe of "don't care, not interested".
Lmao this was me as a kid, and still me as an adult. People know that my social gauge is low, sometimes I just need 10 minutes to myself with a book. I tell it to people who don’t know me well beforehand and it’s generally well accepted !
Both reading a book and scrolling a phone in social situations are rude
Yup. The only solution is not to socialize.
I also think, on top of what other people mention here, is that social media (whether it’s true or not) has the societal belief of connection attached to it. When you go on Instagram and talk with friends, you’re connecting with those friends or with other people. Books are known for escaping whatever situation you’re in, and typically also take more attention than social media (which again, may be just more of a fake societal belief). That I think would play a role too.
My family will all sit around reading books together, but I guess we're the exception, lol. I read mostly on my kindle so I'd just use the kindle app on my phone in this situation.
>BUT… if I were to whip out a book and start casually absorbing it there’d be uproar!!
Have you actually tried it? I don't read at events with my boyfriend's family because I feel like it can be construed as rude, but I read at nearly every event with my own family and no one really remarks on it. Even when I read at things with my extended family, I get more compliments on the fact that I'm reading instead of scrolling, or people come over to talk about what I'm reading and we actually have a nice conversation.
The only time I've ever had someone remark on my reading as being inappropriate is when I was working as a cashier in high school, and the place where I worked was completely dead. I was reading at my register which is something I did often since my manager didn't mind, and this customer walked up and said something snide like, "are we reading or working here?"
The way I imagine that story, it would have been funny if you'd replied in your most fake-enthusiastic voice "Why yes we are! This book is just wonderful, it's my favorite one since last year..." or something like that and go on and on about the book as if they had expressed an interest in it :-p
I mean, I'm sure it's not a good idea to anger the customers that way but it's fun to imagine!
It's bullshit. If everyone is on their phones just read anyway and point out the hypocrisy if they say something
Yes it’s rude.
> BUT… if I were to whip out a book and start casually absorbing it there’d be uproar!!
I doubt it. For one thing, nobody cares. For another, they're all buried in their phones and wouldn't notice anyway.
I think in social situations it's just as rude to be on your phone as it is to be reading a book. It drove me nuts when I was back home with my family for Christmas and everyone set around the room just staring into their phones while my wife and I just set there like "welp."
I read on my phone. During family gatherings, there is only so much I can socialize. I don't talk much anyway and I enjoy slowly reading a book while still interacting with people here and there. It works well because a lot of people are on their phones as well.
That sounds like a good conversation starter. I'd say, I'll put my book on top of everyone's phones.
I still eat and red. Even in restaurants. I also read when someone annoys me, I leave them and dive into a book.
I work in adult foster care and take my client to a lot of dirt track races. I always bring a book and always get dirty looks lol.
Get the kindle app on your phone. That way you can read whilst looking like you're scrolling...
My cousin's fiance used to read thick novels at our family gatherings and I was so jealous. Once they got married and had kids that changed. He's one of the smartest people I know.
Reading in a roadside cafe
Bubba: "Well, lookie here! We got ourselves a reader!"
Waitress: "Whatcha readin' fer? You in school or sumthin' ?"
I’d expect nobody would notice you reading if they are all scrolling on their phone.
When there's an uproar, just point out how everyone else around you is being rude. If they're willing to put away their phones and have an actual conversation, then you're happy to put away your book.
I’ve wondered this too… nobody thinks there’s anything weird about walking down the street absorbed in a screen, but if I read a book while walking, I get looked at like I’m a lunatic.
My ex-husband used to be in a small local band. Whenever I went to one of his shows, I would always bring a book with me. He found it funny and didn't care, everyone else found it weird. Truth is, I have so much social anxiety, and books helped. I say whatever makes you comfortable! If you feel like it, you could even tell everyone, ‘hey, you have your phones out, how is what I'm doing any worse?’ or, just go about your peace and enjoy your book!
Social situations should be for just that, socialising, being social. If folk bring out their phones then tell them, start a conversation about why that is poor behaviour, turn it into a meaty chat about the state of the world. Books are a pleasure, a delight, something to savour at quiet times when you can give those carefully crafted characters the time and attention they deserve.
i have this group of friends with whom i meet regularly to read. we go to a cafe, talk for a while with a coffee first, and then each one takes his own (different) book and start reading. some people find it funny when they see us there not talking to each other and on our own, but i really like these gatherings :)
Depends.
It is not rude at all if you are just "hanging" with family all day during the holidays.
If you pull a book out in the middle of dinner, yeah that is very rude.
Depends on the social situation and who you're with and what people expect of you. I'll bring a book to hang out with my family all the time, but I wouldn't read if there was an actual event like a party or a dinner. Same thing with my friends. If we're just hanging out I might bring the book I'm reading if I'm really into and nobody really minds.
I still read. I’m not the most social. I figure if someone wants to talk to me they will. I don’t immediately jump in but will after a bit.
If everyone is on their phones I seriously doubt there would be an uproar if you whipped out a book.
In the lunch room at work, I will sit with a book and read. I get interrupted maybe ten times a page. However everyone else is sitting glued to their phones and not many of them get interrupted. Not sure what point I'm making except it was interesting once I became aware of it that it was happening.
I do wish it was acceptable to read wheh in a group, apparently it’s “ not.” Or I was called rude for it.
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I honestly don't think that people would consider that rude. It's just that people don't do it as much as looking at their phone. I'd rather have someone take out their book.
I am known for always having a book and picking it up when there's a quiet moment. I'm not the sort of guest that demands entertaining every second.
You should read {Cell (novel)} it gets worst...
Growing up, I would get so absorbed in to books that I heard nothing, even if people were calling my name a thousand times. That image has been associated with me for so long, if I take out a book now, people just know not to bother me.
I've downloaded epub versions so I can still participate in a social setting while reading.
Such an interesting point!! It would be “rude” to start reading a book, but not to go on Facebook. At least in my world.
As someone who doesn't leave the house without reading material, I've noticed this and it absolutely baffles me. Reading is supposed to be good for your brain but phones and social media are not. Like....?
It's dumb.
That being said I always have a book on my cell phone for times whipping out a physical book would be weird or I just happen to not have one with me.
Just read books on your phone! That’s what I do
I think it depends on the situation. I wouldn’t read at the dinner table but often I read while family are watching TV / chatting.
I feel like if you have the impulse to read during social situations, you should be more choosy about what events you're attending. I think it's generally acceptable to check something on your phone or send a quick text at a party, etc., but I don't see people just scrolling on their phones all night. I'd think the same thing about them, if I did, that they should've just stayed home.
Edit: I'm talking about social events you're willingly choosing to attend, btw, not, like, family stuff that is boring or unpleasant but feels obligatory. I think it's totally normal to escape into your phone at things you don't want to attend but feel like you need to. I have the Kindle app on my phone, so it's easy to read in those situations.
Really? That's weird. Did you ask them why they are roaring up, when they are on their phones anyway?
Not so long ago I was at a family gathering that happens every 2nd sunday. And as with your story, some time later everybody was on their phones scrolling. So i took my book out and startet reading. When my sister and her friend saw that, they just put the phones away and sartet popping out some books themselves, which was funny, because they normally are always on their phones instagramming and tik tokering.
And all of a sudden we sat there and had some independant reading time. Which was kinda nice, i guess.
When people are talking to each other in a group I would understand their reaction, since it could be considered rude.
But when they start it, I see no reason why you shouldn't be able to read your book.
I have the exact same issue. If I’m at a restaurant with my family, everyone else will without fail, scroll on their phones and its somewhat acceptable from the people around. But if I were to read a book all of the sudden, I doubt it would be
I read on my phone. 🤷♀️
Hubby and I often are absorbed in our phones when we go out to eat-we probably look like we never speak to each other but we just like to decompress. Dining out is usually after work when we’re tired.
We talk plenty at home or when other people are around.
I always have my kindle. I’ve been know to break it out at the bar when I’m waiting for my next round at a dart LOD. If people don’t like it I don’t know what to tell them.
It's funny. Reading a book among people, I do believe, was considered rude before the invention of phones or social media. It's still considered rude to take a phone call in the middle of a conversation, and when I was a kid, it was rude to text. Somehow, the latter changed in previous years. I suspect it may be in relation to how social media and technology drives our society. Businesses now use a chunk of their marketing on those platforms, so the social norm became new due to that need. Coupled with the fact we now can acquire many services from our phones, I think it looks more like a necessity tool to be present in any moment.
That said, I've definitely been around family who were all on their phones and I pulled out a book. When they say it's rude, I immediately fire back they're doing same thing digitally. Most times it ends up with both parties either putting down their distractions or moving on XD
Just say "It is not a book, it's an Iphone 23784682374682 with ultra high battery performance and no luminiscent screen... I'm just checking this strange Instagram post that is comprised of only text, isn't it weird?"
Pshhhhh. I pulled out a library book (like a real life, physical book) while my wife was in the hospital about to go into labor. My mom was there too. Her condescension was probably why I pulled out the book.
Wife wasn't giving birth, mind you. Just about to. I am not that oblivious!
I don't know why this is being down voted. I was reading while in labor. So was my husband. It took three days to deliver our daughter, what else were we going to do?
scarletseasmoke t1_j24baun wrote
I think it's based on misconceptions. Social media is light and bite sized so you can just put it down any time and scroll while paying attention to the social situation, plus you might be taking care of important things or work messages. When you open a book you get absorbed into hundreds of pages and ignore people without any convenient excuse.
Honestly I also just have some ebooks on my phone and read those, it's not like people can tell the difference between my reader app and reddit unless they stare at it rudely, and I pay the same amount of attention to people around.