Any “romantic” restaurant, on Valentines Day specifically (preferably 7:00), that requires a credit card to book, but then rushes you out the door in 1hr 26m. Bonus if the tables are spaced 1 foot away from each other and they sell you an overpriced bottle of wine that you can’t possibly finish before they’re handing you your coat and showing you the door.

After, stand awkwardly outside of the restaurant with no backup plan. (Or go to Lucky’s or Silvertones or Anchovies afterward and laugh about your shitty dinner, and probably end up truly bonding with your date over cheap whiskey gingers. But that’s actually not a bad idea so don’t do that. Stick with awkward.)