>I swear there are more gay bars in the center of nowhere than in Boston.

Yeah, this has been my experience.

I think part of it is that in Boston, you're generally safe walking down the street holding hands with your girlfriend. There's less closeting in general, and I think that builds less of a need to have "that one space" where you can be yourself, because it's nbd to be yourself in front of your neighbors/coworkers/etc.

The downside, obviously, is how the hell do you find that girlfriend to hold hands with if there's no gathering space where all the queer women are meeting? (Online dating. Ugh. I'm sorry.)

I also think Boston's lack of a night scene in general is a big factor. (Although I've lived in smaller areas with things like lesbian coffee shops, lack of nightlife hardly explains lack of a queer coffee shop... maybe that was just special though?)

It's not a non-existant scene. There are queer bars and clubs, and they usually offer ladies' nights, and I've been. It's just.... well like you said, I've lived in way smaller shittier areas with less stuff at all that still managed to have more of a queer scene than Boston, and that just feels ridiculous. But try the ladies' nights out? Maybe one of them will be your jam.