Submitted by Jezebels_lipstick t3_10my96a in boston
NEDsaidIt t1_j66ghwn wrote
Reply to comment by EducationalElevator in 8-month-old baby injured in Duxbury family tragedy dies, DA says by Jezebels_lipstick
She was mentally unstable AND seeking treatment. I think that’s the difference. She was heavily involved in treatment and was not to be left alone with the children. WHY would you leave her alone with the children? I think that’s why it’s awful all around. She wasn’t in her right mind and likely will be one day.
amos106 t1_j68tc6m wrote
Our healthcare system is breaking due to staffing shortages and that includes mental health. It's unfortunate but seeking out mental health doesn't necessarily mean you are getting all if the support needed to make a full recovery. That leaves an incredibly heavy burden on the family of the afflicted person. Life doesn't just pause until you can sort things out, chores need to be done, bills need to be paid, etc. And to top that all off your partner is unable to contribute and instead needs extra care. Caretaker fatigue is a real thing and it's not anyone's else place to cast judgement because until you've been in those shoes you can't understand how conflicting and dehumanizing it feels.
NEDsaidIt t1_j68v4wf wrote
I just can’t see going out for pizza and not taking the kids. Either way I’m not blaming him, I’m just explaining why people aren’t labeling her a horrible monster the way others get labeled. She did what you are supposed to do. Seek help. Follow the plan.
amos106 t1_j6900zs wrote
Life can just be fucked up, that's all. Seeking out someone to blame is just a coping mechanism so we can sleep at night under the assumption that if you do the "right" thing then things will work out. Arthur DaRosa tried to do the right thing, the day before the stabbings he attempted to have himself held at the local hospital for a mental health crisis. The system that is supposed to help people out of mental health crises examined him and told him to go home. He wasn't a pretty white woman so people were much more reluctant to treat him as a victim, but he did what he was supposed to do and our system's response was telling him to pound sand. She was doing the right thing and trying to work with the same system. It's obvious that it didn't work and now a lot of people got hurt for it. I'm just saying if people want to direct their frustration and anger into something productive it's time we start figuring out why the system isn't working.
NEDsaidIt t1_j690j5l wrote
I’m not blaming him, I have said that repeatedly. I’m responding to a comment about why people aren’t as angry or cold with her. The entire system broke down. I’m sure she had part of her plan of what to do when she felt this way, yet she didn’t do it. He didn’t follow the plan. And they obviously shouldn’t have let her be at home this unstable. So many breakdowns and now 3 innocents are gone.
CaptainWollaston t1_j69ngz8 wrote
"I can't see going out for pizza and not taking the kids" is absolutely blaming him.
NEDsaidIt t1_j6e27fy wrote
I’m questioning a decision. I’m also questioning the medical professionals who let her be home. When there is a tragedy we need to look at where the breakdown was. Was he not being supported enough? Did he feel he needed a break? If I wanted to blame him I would have said “he should not have left her with the kids to get pizza”. I know it’s hard to understand meaning in text. I used to write care plans and I’m analyzing more than maybe someone else. I just don’t want this to ever happen again so I look at where did this go wrong.
[deleted] t1_j695lix wrote
The problem is not that her husband left her alone to get food. The problem is the level of care she was receiving. She should have been admitted to an inpatient hospital, not a 5-day a week day program.
NEDsaidIt t1_j6e6naj wrote
Totally agree
CaptainWollaston t1_j69mpxy wrote
If she was that dangerous to not be left alone with kids she should have been locked up. Fuck that.
Trpdoc t1_j67rtt2 wrote
Can be super tough to bell like not step out for a few minutes maybe grocery running low, maybe it’s a quick work call etc who knows. Always easier for people without kids to be like why they leave her alone!
NEDsaidIt t1_j68ux23 wrote
If you need groceries, take the kids. We have paid family leave, take it! I have 3 kids and I’m disabled and have literally faced this exact scenario where I couldn’t be left alone with my own kids because I was too sick. I wasn’t a danger in the same way I just couldn’t care for them. It’s extremely hard. But it’s not impossible. In this scenario there is no way I would have gone out for pizza like he did. And no way my husband would have. I’m not blaming him, he will live with the guilt forever- but I think this is where the empathy comes from. She was doing what we expect people to do- seek help and follow the plan. What else could she do?
Trpdoc t1_j6997l0 wrote
So when does that period of unsafe end? And what are you on about paid family leave for 8 months lol.
NEDsaidIt t1_j69ddw5 wrote
When a doctor says she is safe. I’m sure they had childcare because she was working at some points so you wouldn’t need full time leave.
Trpdoc t1_j69hed5 wrote
Doctor doesn’t know for sure either
CaptainWollaston t1_j6hsp0l wrote
So the husband job now is to protect the kids from his wife? If that's the case she should have been locked up. You really seem to be putting this on him, and it's not. She did the evil thing, not him. I'm sure he's going to think about it the rest of his life, but there's really nothing he could have done to prevent it. Is he supposed to lock her in her room while he takes a shower? Make her come into the bathroom and sit there when he takes a shit?
directtodvd420 t1_j6fsb8c wrote
PFML gives a max 26 weeks per year. That’s 6.5 months. Baby was 8 months old. Even if this family did qualify for and take the max, which is unlikely, that’s 1.5 months of unassisted anguish.
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