The same thing happened to me with Hinge. I got divorced, downloaded Hinge and with the help of friends wives I made a profile that seemed to have a good amount of success. As I got my dating confidence back I started to get exhausted from all of the chats and first dates that I got Hinge burnout.

Too much attention on that app is exhausting for Men, you're basically expected to lead every conversation, more or less plan every date, meet up etc. It was all my free time for a while.

I had absolutely zero luck with Tinder by the way, what a trash, spam filled app.

Great filter question

Fascinating, thanks for sharing and being open. I can definitely relate - comparing my success on this app with that of white male friends is always a bit sad haha.

Hinge has actually quite aggressively pushed me toward exclusively asian girls despite me not setting any filters of my own and not having strong racial preferences. I think what happened is that the app realized that I'm much more likely to get matches with asian girls and so has been showing me to them and showing me them, with little regard for my own preferences. In the beginning the app was pretty race-blind, I got what felt like a pretty statistically random sample of the population of my city. But then I got a few matches with asian girls, went out with one, reported that I had in the app (presumably so did she), and boom! Every single girl I'm shown after that is asian. Currently of my 40 matches, 36 are east asian, 3 are white, 3 are indian. And this is despite swiping right on lots of black, brown and white girls. So the preference goes both ways - clearly my "match rate" aka "rate of women who matched me back after I liked them" broken down by race is something like "0% black, 0% brown, some decent % asian (10% maybe?), small nonzero % white, small nonzero % indian)."

I'm glad to hear that bumble works for you - it doesn't for me but I guess that's down to the different policies of the app like you say.

And you shouldn't sell yourself short - you're quite a bit more than decently attractive. I'm not your friend, I'm a random person on the internet so you can trust me :).

You are much more than "Decently Attractive". Very pretty, don't sell your self short. Saying this as a white male.

That really sucks.

I think, with this data, if I were single, I would switch to focusing on black girls as sort of a moneyball exploit of a market inefficiency.

I wonder if it is just pair matching, where black women too are way more likely to swipe right on a black guy, and it’s just that there’s an uneven distribution of ethnicities?

If an app had 100 guys and 100 girls, and people were 33% likely to swipe on similar skin color, but only 10% likely to swipe right on different skin color.

If 90% were white and 10% were black, the white people on average would get 10 white matches (90 x .33 x .33) and 0 black matches (10 x .1 x .1).

Black people would get 1 black match (10 x .33 x .33) and 1 white match (90 x .1 x .1).

Either way it’s basically racism/prejudice. But it’d less terrible if it were reciprocal, rather than one race rejecting the other disproportionately.

Actually, I was curious, so I looked it up.

It turns out that black women do strongly prefer black men over white men, to a slightly strong degree than white men prefer white women.

What’s missing is the black men do not seem to prefer black women. It’s one of only two exceptions to people preferring the same race aside from white men slightly preferring Asian women.

The most mutually disagreeable combination seems to be asian men and black women who just avoid each other like the plague.

It seems like the most charmed life’s are Asian women, Latina women, and white men.

And, you’re absolutely validated in your assessment that black women get it the worst.

well maybe she was the one that matched so could take the initiative no? Idk I unmatch an girl that matches but expects to not have to start the conversation. Whoever swipes and matches should start the conversation simple equality and mutual respect…