ampron t1_j0l5boi wrote on December 17, 2022 at 2:15 PM

There are a lot of commenters here mid-reading this data to mean that mothers are the most likely person in a child’s life to PHYSICALLY abuse them.

It seems that many do not realize, that “neglect” is an abuse counted in this data (as it should be). If you accept that there is likely a positive correlation between poverty and single-mother homes then the presence of mothers at the top of the list is easily explained by that correlation.

This data is not evidence that mothers are more likely to hit their children. It is a small glimpse into the reality that the US system has a bias toward taking children from homes rather than providing the economic support we all deserve.

-Foster parent

Not_that_wire OP t1_j0l7sug wrote on December 17, 2022 at 2:37 PM

Totally appreciate your perspective and your devotion to helping kids in need. Sincerly, thank you!

At about 15, my precocious kid told me this about the boys at school who were having problems -

The aggressive knuckle head kids that are getting into fights tend to have had abandonment / absentee father stuff.

The quiet self-destructive kids - not aggressive but often intoxicated with whatever as often as possible. He said the kids that are dragging themselves around and are self-sabotaging are the ones with the mums who discarded or neglected them.

It seemed like a really insightful "ground truth". What are your thoughts, having lived with some of the kids?

ampron t1_j0lc92x wrote on December 17, 2022 at 3:13 PM

My experience: Foster parent to one teen for less than a year. Tried to be prepared by taking lots of trauma-based parenting classes and reading, because studying is what I am familiar with. It helped, but I doubt anyone is ever really ready.

My perspective: Children’s behavior is complicated. I’d caution against assuming you can look at their behavior and guess what the cause is. Even when you’re in the middle of it things are difficult to understand. Also, the behavior of deeply traumatized children is often misunderstood. There are no easy answers.

Not_that_wire OP t1_j0prbku wrote on December 18, 2022 at 2:44 PM

Totally agree. I really try to honour the individuals I know it looks like rows from data table. I'm always aware that each row is a child who is afraid, hurt and in need of TLC.

It's hard work form me. I cry often. But after 30 yrs of making people rich from data, this feels better for me.

I work with quantitative data only. I don't do lit reviews and book report type research. Much of it is rehashed and derivatives if not just conforming (easier to get funding).

I felt my son's insight, while admittedly a generalization, helped me open up my perspective which helps me ask more meaningful questions.

There's no precise approach to understand individual outcomes but, in aggregate, looking at abuse through a public health/public safety perspective, the more likely we are to identify and support victims while securing better evidence against perpetrators.

Tardigrade_Disco t1_j0mqp1y wrote on December 17, 2022 at 9:10 PM

Abuse is abuse. This comment looks like you're saying "it's not the bad kind of abuse because women are doing it."

ampron t1_j0mwnm0 wrote on December 17, 2022 at 9:52 PM

To be very clear for you, neglect is extremely harmful to children. I personally know of children that have been removed from their biological home due to neglect. The trauma cause by neglect comes in many forms. Unfortunately, the act of removing children from their biological home is also extremely traumatizing. I find it unfortunate that in the cases where the neglectful abuse could be remedied by therapy or BASIC economic security there is no option for that in out social systems.