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tr14l t1_j93idn9 wrote

Gaslighting is telling someone something is true when it isn't, or isn't true when it is. The effect is basically to convince not to trust their own perception. This term comes from an old play in which a husband continually adjusted the gas-fueled lamps in their house to be dimmer and dimmer over time. His wife would complain about it and he would lie and say they were as bright as they'd ever been. The effect was to make her think she was crazy.

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WarlandWriter t1_j93loj9 wrote

While gaslighting may at first glance seem a tad silly, as thought it's just dumb pranks, and the harm of it is perhaps not immediately apparent, it is a tactic commonly employed by abusers. (I guess it is abuse in and of itself? No matter, that's semantics.) The idea is that if your abuser causes you to trust their judgment over your own, they can get away with more and more horrible shit.

"No, silly, I didn't hit you, you hit your head on the cabinet door, remember?" "I know your friend told you I'm bad news, but I think she's actually bad news so maybe you shouldn't hang out with her anymore." It gives the abuser a tremendous amount of control over the victim's life.

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lelma_and_thouise t1_j93p6zz wrote

Yea, it's brutal. My ex gaslit me constantly, among other abuse tactics. I'm lucky to have gotten out. He abandoned our son the literal second he realized he couldn't control me anymore, which in one way sucks that my son doesn't have a dad in his life, but on the other hand my son is growing up in an environment with zero toxicity and zero abuse. I choose the latter over the former :)

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WarlandWriter t1_j94wfed wrote

I'm so sorry to hear that. Good you managed to get out, and I would agree that a healthy family without a dad is better than a toxic family with a dad.

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