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fuck_korean_air t1_j6gueop wrote

The point of therapy is just to identify ways your thinking is causing you problems and to learn techniques to help solve them.

I’m just someone that’s been helped by therapy though—I’d love to see some replies from therapists out there who could expand on this :)

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DoomGoober t1_j6h3rgw wrote

I am not a therapist but a psychology minor. The popular therapy now is cognitive behavioral therapy. The idea is for patients to do exercises which help them change their own thinking, emotions, and behaviors.

A simple exercise would be to draw on a sheet of paper two columns: negative thoughts and replacement thoughts.

When you think something negative you want to stop thinking, write the negative thought on the left column and a replacement or better way to think about it in the right column.

Re-read your list often and when you find yourself having negative thoughts actively replace them with your replacement thoughts.

That's it. It's just repetitively reminding yourself of your negative thoughts so you recognize them then replacing them with better thoughts.

While our brains and thoughts and emotions are complex sometimes a simple exercise can reprogram them to focus on healthier thoughts.

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BaidenFallwind t1_j6hoav4 wrote

Licensed Counselor here. CBT is still a good, evidence based therapy. However, CBT is beginning to wane in popularity, while acceptance- and mindfulness-based approaches are gaining steam (most notably Dialectical Behavioral Therapy and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy).

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DoomGoober t1_j6i4rgk wrote

Thanks, I will definitely check those out! (My info was old. I am excited to read up on the newer approaches!)

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DoomGoober t1_j6jbx8y wrote

>Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

ACT seems to share a lot of traits with mindful meditation practices. Very interesting. Thanks again.

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BaidenFallwind t1_j6k7129 wrote

Sure! If you're looking where to start, Happiness Trap (2nd edition) by Russ Harris is incredible.

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[deleted] t1_j6hs1pa wrote

CBT is supposed to be actual concrete examples of how to act accordingly in social situations ... no ?

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anhedonis539 t1_j6hv8n7 wrote

You may be thinking of ABA therapies, or Applied Behavioral Analysis. This is the field that is (rightfully) being scrutinized as of late because the goal is exactly what you said - “correcting” the “undesirable” social behaviors of autistic people and replacing them with more socially accepted ones.

I have a BA in psych and a Master’s in applied behavioral sciences (so not the above field), AND have had a therapist for several years where we’ve worked on CBT-based skills and such. Incredibly helpful for me and my depression/ anxiety. It’s not about acting accordingly in social situations, but rather how to “talk back to” the negative thoughts that come along with my diagnosis. So instead of someone canceling plans leading to a spiral of “they don’t care about me -> are we even really friends -> does anyone really care”, etc, learning how to hit the brakes after that first thought and remind yourself of all the reasons why that is a highly unlikely and illogical conclusion to reach.

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Rev_Creflo_Baller t1_j6huw7h wrote

It's both. Thinking about your past ways of acting and then visualizing better ways of acting is just bringing healthy replacement thoughts into the world.

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printers_rock t1_j6h51zg wrote

This is like a codified form of self delusion.

Maybe your negative thoughts are right

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FullMarxPodcast t1_j6h5mmw wrote

Taking a reasonable step back and making fair judgements about yourself is important - sometimes, you've got to listen to what your instincts are telling you, rather than just drown them out. But it's also very easy to get stuck in negative patterns of thought which actually prevent improvement and progress toward happiness. That's where programmes of self-correction have been shown to have significant measurable benefits.

Also, life is a codified self-delusion. You self-delude every single day in order to not go insane in the context of a society. CBT is merely acknowledging and exercising a little more control over the things we tell ourselves.

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DoomGoober t1_j6h5trt wrote

That's where a therapist can help guide you or you would have to assess the situation yourself.

If the negative thoughts themselves are what is causing you distress or making you unable to function in some way then the negative thoughts are causing the harm.

Like if you are afraid someone is trying to kill you every time you leave the house, but you know logically no one is, then CBT might be a good technique to help you.

But if someone is actually trying to kill you, law enforcement may be a better able to help you.

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wilbur111 t1_j6h75hm wrote

An important part of the therapy is "reality testing".

You might say, "I'm terrified of taking a girl to bed cos she'll probably just mock me for my tiny penis".

Well she might. Maybe one already did. So then the therapist might say, "Okay, 3 girls laughed, does that mean *all* girls will laugh? Maybe they will. There are at least 500 million eligible girls on earth and it's possible they'll all laugh. Three have laughed so far... but is that really enough to estimate that they *all* will? It seems a bit few to me. How about 50? How about you take another 47 girls to bed and if they all laugh, then that'll make it more likely that 'all' girls will laugh."

And then they all laugh up to girl number 6 who also laughs, but then says she really likes you and wants to see you again. What now? Is laughter a bad thing? Maybe they're just amused and like laughing.

So negative thoughts are often "right" but maybe they're more nuanced than you're currently seeing.

Or maybe the girls are being horrible to you. What kind of girls are you going for? Only bitchy "cool" girls? Oh okay, so maybe try 47 other women of different types and see if they treat you differently. Try a goth, a metalhead, a cheerleader, a librarian type... "reality test" all the way to self-comfort. :D

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chaotic_world t1_j6h8tqu wrote

Hey, my mom told me it's normal size!!!

Oof, that sounded WAY funnier in my head. I probably shouldn't hit the reply button, but I have very little self control and hope that at least one person gets a chuckle out of it!

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wilbur111 t1_j6hyew1 wrote

Well back when she was bathing you, it was probably about as big as she'd ever seen.

(I'm saying your dad has a little willie too. :D)

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chaotic_world t1_j6j7fee wrote

You mean yesterday?
My dad's willie is bigger than your dads! :p

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wilbur111 t1_j6lz10d wrote

Hahaha.

I'm just lolling away at the idea of your mum bathing you yesterday. Thanks for that. It's the jolt I need to get back to work. :D

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Mother_Chorizo t1_j6h69vw wrote

The negative thoughts might be right, but CBT is a tool to help a person figure that out. You work on removing a negative bias from your thinking, and if it still makes sense after that to perceive something as negative, than you do, but before deciding that, you’ve removed things like catastrophizing, paranoia, grandiosity, etc.

It’s not meant to delude yourself. It’s meant to give clarity to appropriately assess the situation and act accordingly.

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SirReal_Realities t1_j6hdt9m wrote

You say that like it is a bad thing. Research shows that people with a greater grasp of “reality” are less happy. Science is about facts, and facts don’t care how you feel; A positive mental attitude is about focusing on ideas that bring you contentment in life. Your negative thoughts might be “right”… but if they are not productive, or actively harmful, then how is that Better than constructive self-delusion? Go ahead, tell your nephews and nieces that Santa isn’t real; Your family will love you for that come Christmas. /s

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Gluten_Tolerant_2 t1_j6grres wrote

Why have you seen 14 of them?

And what are you expecting of them?

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dumbass__stupid OP t1_j6gsqrk wrote

Cant find someone who fits. Its been four years of trying to find someone right.

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stiveooo t1_j6guq0w wrote

In a few words, is to get better, perform better, live better, happier.

Is it that needed? no cause people can live fine performing worse, living worse, and living less happy, etc.

In the end most of the times it makes sense cause it makes economic sense, spend x money+x time to perform better the rest of the years is cost effective.

Like running with deflated tires, sure you can run with deflated tires fine for years until the car goes bust but inflating them takes so little time and is cheap.

Or living your entire life without shoes, shoes are not needed but you perform better with them.

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PaddyLandau t1_j6h9ajf wrote

I'm seeing a lot of judgementalism going on in this thread from people who don't know you and don't know your circumstances.

Everyone has had some trauma in their life; a few lucky ones have had only minor incidents that barely count, and too many unlucky ones have had serious trauma. Most people fit in between.

Trauma affects your brain, physically — yes, genuinely, e.g. the amygdala might be enlarged. It also affects how you make decisions in life, and your internal thoughts and beliefs about yourself.

Unresolved trauma, or keeping unhelpful patterns of thought and behaviour as a result of your upbringing, leads to unhappiness and, in bad cases, to dysfunctional behaviour that causes distress to both yourself and to others.

The purpose of therapy is to undo the damage (although you can't undo physical changes to your brain, your brain is "plastic" and you can overcome it) to allow you to lead a better life — happier, more fulfilled, and a part of society.

If you've seen 14 therapists and none of them has helped, either you are seeing the wrong type of therapists (there are different types who use different methods), or you have a deep internal fear of changing your thoughts and behaviour. Or maybe both.

I wish you the best of luck in finding someone suitable for you.

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DigitalSteven1 t1_j6h23hj wrote

It honestly sounds like you don't want them to help. A big part of therapy is believing that therapy can work... If you have a negative feedback loop of believing that therapy never works, it's never going to work. A big part of this is actually understanding your reasoning for wanting to see a therapist.

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InconsolableDreams t1_j6h5ijg wrote

It's not really going to be the therapist to "sort you out", it's still going to be you who does all the work. Specially the first visits will be extremely uncomfortable because you have to face things you don't want to face. Face the problems that you need to work on, and realize that it really is you who needs to do the work. It can be very frustrating at first. But the therapist is there to give you the tools and keep motivating you, you still have to be the one going back time after time.

There are no miracle solutions or magic pills, it's all just tools so you can help yourself.

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Tfresa t1_j6hfys2 wrote

I was going to say exactly the same. It's difficult at the beginning to understand what you have to do or what do you have to work in. But you have to trust the therapist and also work on yourself. For me it was good to go there and tell him: "Hi, today I want to work on how to forgive someone because of X" or "I have feel like I'm the worst and want to work on that". You have to see your flaws and tell them what do you want to "change" or do better. They also can help you to see your flaws, but you have to be willing to open and grow.

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Konseq t1_j6hkw62 wrote

Do you want to change things too? Or do you expect the therapist to "convince you"?

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misersoze t1_j6hlqcy wrote

This is a very low cost solution. But check out the documentary Stutz on Netflix. It’s a documentary about Jonah Hill’s therapy and therapist and his theories. I think that will give you an example of how this works for some people and some tools that may work for you. If it doesn’t help, it was not much of your time so it’s a low cost experience.

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[deleted] t1_j6gzn4z wrote

[removed]

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Ganders81 t1_j6hpp2r wrote

I'm curious if this is a situation where things get uncomfortable and OP ghosts.

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kempff t1_j6grvvm wrote

Usually it's to get someone to start thinking rationally about their situation and to deal with their issues constructively.

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Dan_Rydell t1_j6gsskd wrote

I don’t mean this to be a smartass but that would legitimately be a valuable conversation to have with a therapist.

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dumbass__stupid OP t1_j6gt1h7 wrote

I have asked this exact question to every therapist I've had lmfao. It either gets answered with for someone to talk to or what do you think the best answer to this is. And im confused.

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km89 t1_j6gyzgw wrote

Taking a risk of making some big assumptions, I think I might see your problem here.

There are many types of therapists, but they fall largely into two categories: talk therapists, and behavioral therapists.

Talk therapy is used when you really need help sorting out problems, emotions, hang-ups, whatever else. It's a way for you to vent your problems and explore what their root causes are under the guidance of someone who can help you tease out these answers by yourself. They're not there to tell you what to do or how to feel, they're there to help you decide what to do and how to feel.

On the other hand, behavioral therapists do tell you what to do. Usually, you'd approach them with a problem that you want help resolving, and they can help you develop the skill to solve that problem. As a personal example, I recently crashed hard due to burnout at work, and one of the symptoms of that was uncontrollable anxiety and frequent panic attacks. I went to see a behavioral therapist, who explained in part about how panic attacks are essentially a short-circuit in your brain causing panic where it isn't warranted, and she suggested several methods of interrupting this process so that I could reassert control. The result was me becoming functional again, and ultimately to the anxiety diminishing as I learned to handle it.

It sounds like you've been going to talk therapists when what you're really looking for is improvement on specific things that are bothering you, based on your other comment that you want to make things work and get better.

If that's true, you may want to come up with a list of specific things you want to improve on. Maybe you have trouble getting to work and you want strategies on how to motivate yourself. Maybe you struggle with anxiety and you need strategies on how to handle it. Maybe you find life joyless and want strategies on how to bring back the happiness. Maybe you don't even know what's wrong and you need strategies for identifying things that are bothering you. Behavioral therapists can help with that.

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K-Ryaning t1_j6gs8q1 wrote

Ideally therapy is to help you find and open the right metaphorical door to help you on the path to achieving your goal. Sometimes people can't discover the right path themselves or the root of the problem they're trying to solve and good therapists help to identify where problems might stem from, or ask you the right questions to get you thinking about your path in a different way or from a different perspective, to try to shed some light on the next best step to take for your own journey

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AfterYam9164 t1_j6gttok wrote

You're either going to really terrible therapists or you seem to have no idea why you are going.

So my question to you is: what is the point of YOUR therapy?

What are you trying to solve? Fix a problem in your life? Help with grief? mental illnesses? marriages? early life exploration for bad patterns? Cognitive behavioral therapy for trying to stop harmful practices and stop current bad patterns?

There's zillions of different approaches and most of them are pretty useless. Not everyone who works on cars specializes in transmissions, right? So, don't go to a tire store if you have a transmission problem even though both businesses "fix cars".

What is the problem you are trying to solve? Then people can guide you to the best help avail.

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sam_grace t1_j6gwke5 wrote

What I learned from therapy is that the point is to learn effective skills for coping with life's challenges. It won't fix all your problems but it'll teach you how to stop making them worse by behaving irrationally due to mental and emotional stress. With effective coping mechanisms, you can start building a life you feel is worth living.

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Timely_Umpire_164 t1_j6gvnam wrote

What do you hope to gain from going to therapy? Why did you seek therapy to begin with?

Are you stressed? Anxious? Eating problems? Depressed? Angry? Lonely? Sad? Overwhelmed? Experienced trauma?

Find your SPECIFIC adjective and you’ll find the point of therapy for YOU.

For me, I was anxious, overwhelmed, and had an eating disorder. I sought therapy to help me feel peace and understanding. I met with her every other week for 2 years and I’ve learned so much about myself and the way I think. She’s insightful without being judgmental and challenges me to look from another viewpoint.

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WheelieTron3000 t1_j6gyufu wrote

Just reading your replies I think I was in a similar spot for about the same number of years, feeling bad in a nebulous kind of way and knowing that therapy was the done thing for these kinds of feelings, I didn't do as much therapy shopping as you but I definitely had a lot of sessions where it felt like I was just paying to sit in a room with someone and just chat about my day.Unfortunately therapy isn't something that is done to you it's something you participate in but frustratingly no one will tell you what that participation is supposed to look like, I think that's just because therapists are terrified of leading you to conclusions that don't fit your situation, life coaches are all about that but a lot of them are snake oil salesmen.The way I fixed most of this was introspection, realising I was hurting in some way, or was frustrated by my emotional/mental responses to certain situations or that certain behaviours that caused trouble in my life were popping up despite my attempts to stop, or that I was experiencing friction in certain ways with more than one person which led me to a belief that maybe I was doing something wrong on my part that needed correcting.So the question is, does anything pop up for you when you ask those questions of yourself or consciously observe yourself in your day to day life? If so, that's the kind of stuff you bring to a therapist, like "I can't stop thinking X thoughts and it's causing me distress" or "no matter how hard I try I can't stop spending money" or "when I'm in X situation or thinking about X thing or around X person I get sad or angry". Journaling about your day or your thoughts can help a whole lot with this process of discovery, but if none of this quite fits it may just be that your general situation is causing some sort of mental distress like in the case of situational depression from things like poverty, therapy can't do much in that situation unfortunately, at least until the situation causing the distress is improved or changed in some way.
Edit to add: A big thing that helped for me was not trying to do therapy right, for a long time I was going about therapy in the way I thought I was supposed to, but I gained a lot of ground when I started just being radically honest about how I thought and felt, as soon as you start doing that pretty often there will be moments where your therapist will pull you up on something and you'll have the realisation that something you thought was normal is actually harmful for your wellbeing, or could very well be the product of trauma

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ticklefight87 t1_j6grtej wrote

Have you asked your parents why they have you in therapy?

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dumbass__stupid OP t1_j6gssfa wrote

I've been looking myself lol i dont live with my parents anymore.

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ticklefight87 t1_j6gsz75 wrote

Alright, I assumed somebody was forcing you to go since you've seen 14 of them.

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dumbass__stupid OP t1_j6gt36o wrote

Im really tryin to make it work lol

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ticklefight87 t1_j6gt7dy wrote

Make what work

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dumbass__stupid OP t1_j6gta9y wrote

Thats such a good question tbh

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ticklefight87 t1_j6gtbr7 wrote

Why is that a good question

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dumbass__stupid OP t1_j6gtjl2 wrote

Idk i feel like therapy is the correct step after medications. So i wanna make it work so i can hopefully get better. I want to improve my life. And everyone says that therapy will.

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BwanaAzungu t1_j6gukat wrote

Therapy is not the goal.

It's a means to a goal: it's supposed to help you manage the issues you're dealing with.

The goal is self improvement.

If you don't have a clear image of what you're trying to improve about yourself, why go to a therapist?

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niko4ever t1_j6hd7y1 wrote

Therapy can help you figure out if there are personal reasons for why you aren't achieving your goals, and how to fix that

It can't tell you what your goals should be, because that's unique for everyone

It also can't help you change things that are outside your control, only to accept them

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SirReal_Realities t1_j6her10 wrote

Why are you taking medication? Is it prescribed? Who prescribed it? Why did they prescribe it?

Ex: A physician might have prescribed an antidepressant for you after having a baby because they felt you had postpartum depression.

Ex: A pediatrician might have prescribed you medication because your parents gave them information that suggested it would help you; are you just taking it because you “always have taken them”?

If you are taking meds, and know why you are taking them, then you need to talk to a psychiatrist (not a psychologist or therapist) about why you are taking them and are they the best treatment.

If you are taking meds and you don’t know why, and are a grown up and in charge of your own healthcare, then you should ask your current physician what they are for, and should you continue them? What happens if you stop? How can you safely stop taking them if you BOTH think it is a good idea?

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Konseq t1_j6hm4b1 wrote

If you don't know why you go to therapy, then you should answer that question first. What is the problem you need therapy for? What are the issues you need help with? What impact do the issues have on your daily life? Do you want to change something about it?

Are you willing to change things like your behavior? There is the saying: "You can lead the horse to water but you can not force it to drink."

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Katt_Piper t1_j6guigg wrote

There are lots of different types of therapy, and they all tend to work best if you go in with specific goals so that your therapist can tailor their approach (e.g. I want to change a behaviour pattern, or improve my self esteem, or manage my panic attacks etc etc). A good therapist has the expert knowledge to help you identify where your problems are coming from and/or recommend strategies to help.

Most of the therapy I've done is CBT which is pretty popular, it's based on behavioural psychology and is essentially about recognising and responding to your unhealthy thinking/behaviour. Acceptance and commitment and dialectic therapies are more mindfulness based. Or if you're in the US (possibly elsewhere but I've never done it in Aus) psychodynamic/psychoanalytic therapy is a bit more popular, that's the Freud type stuff where you delve into your childhood more. Most good therapists will use a combination of approaches but picking one that aligns with your goals is important.

I disagree with the idea that talking to a therapist is like venting to a friend, they are very different relationships. If I've done all the talking in a therapy session I feel seriously short-changed!

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PorkNJellyBeans t1_j6gxlnv wrote

Have you ever heard the expression, “can’t see the forest for the trees?” When I go to therapy, I say all this stuff that’s bothering me and the therapist helps me find the bigger picture to what’s happening. I can address the one big thing instead of being bogged down with a million little ones.

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clone360 t1_j6gusew wrote

You go to a therapist so they can hold up a mirror to you and you can start to really see whats causing you a problem.

And then they help you find a solution that would work for you. After that, you need to put efforts in.

Sometimes they cant help you because you arent telling the whole truth, sometimes youre not mentally or physically ready to seek help, and sometimes the therapist cant help you, for many different reasons

If you saw 14 therapist and none of them helped at all, you might need to take a minute and really ask yourself if and how you want to get help.

If you have any questions you can reach out, I am a lisenced therapist. Sometimes theres nothing I can do to help someone other than to refer them to another therapist.

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CoatiMundiOnATree t1_j6gwy3s wrote

My therapist explained it like that. You have certain reactions and feelings to certain triggers or environments. By going to the therapy you talk about it, figure out why do you react in a certain way and eventually you developed new neural pathways on top of those old ones with unpleasant reactions. But this is for psychoanalysis, other types might work differently, but general idea is similar from what I understand.

Also this is normal to go through a huge amount of therapists, mine said that finding a fitting one for you is about as hard as finding a perfect wife/husband.

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Ojisan1 t1_j6gzruz wrote

The point is to understand your current patterns of behaviors in the context of your previous life experiences which caused your brain to establish those patterns of behavior. Usually people seek therapy because those patters are maladaptive, meaning that they are behaviors that aren’t working for you. They aren’t healthy for you.

A good therapist will guide you in conversation (the therapeutic relationship) to try and uncover those previous experiences and help you connect the dots to your current behavior. Once you understand why you act or think a certain way, you can make more informed decisions about whether you will keep doing that, or try to change.

If you have a bad therapist, they won’t be good at that. It’s a hard skill. But you could also be a bad patient - either unwilling to do the work, or lacking in self-reflection to be able to connect the dots, or having very specific psychiatric conditions which prevent you from engaging in therapy honestly.

Watch some Dr K (HealthyGamerGG) videos of his sessions with various entertainers, he’s pretty good at it and you can see the process in action with a skilled therapist.

Also worth checking out the HBO drama series “In Treatment” which shows a flawed therapist getting too involved with some of his patients but mixed in with some fictional therapy sessions which are quite good (but unrealistically short).

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[deleted] t1_j6h2f6n wrote

[removed]

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Immediate_Pea4579 t1_j6h3jd6 wrote

oops I didn't answer the question directly - the point of therapy is to increase psychological well-being.

It's hard to really get to that place if you can't settle into the first spot .. and that is, being prepared to believe that the therapist thinks you are perfect exactly as you are. That doesn't feel right if you have an internal narrative that is negative.

First, you find out that someone (the therapist) sees you as perfectly okay just as you are.

You don't really believe them but you wing it - you start telling them about your stuff. The more you do that, generally, the easier it becomes to believe them - I mean, they didn't run screaming from the room.

You kind of get into the groove at finding bits of yourself that are okay. And then letting other thoughts and feelings you have begin to become okay too.

Then together, you and the therapist might work to explore an idea - like, what has you pulling back from your brother? In this safety you can find new information about yourself, you can make new choices.

A therapist might offer you a reframe, or might teach you a coping skill, or might help keep you focused on a topic that you find hard to stare at but want to see through.

A big part of therapy for me has been re-understanding parts of my history now with smarter eyes and a bigger heart, rather than having history jangle around in my pockets weighing me down.

Not all of us can connect easily. Many of us who have experienced trauma find connecting painful or threatening, so the very idea of it is not appealing. It takes skills sometimes to help us get through that. Doesn't have to be a therapist - maybe someone who has been through the same things. Therapists are trained though to help us build the inner tools it takes to be in the world - like emotional mechanics.

There are probably a number of different ways one could do that ... people heal in running groups, knitting circles, church communities, volunteer agencies, film buff societies ... people heal singing and doing yoga and acting in local theater ... people heal loving animals ...

Either way, when i keep moving towards healing, doesn't matter if i am walking driving or flying, if i keep facing in the same direction i am going to get there one day. :)

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Suitable-Lake-2550 t1_j6h49zf wrote

If nothing else, therapy is a good way to talk about your thoughts + feelings to a neutral third party, for some unbiased feedback.

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Legitimate_Finger_69 t1_j6hg48c wrote

Some people find talking to someone non-judgemental and trained on uncovering past trauma to be helpful.

It isn't for everyone. Personally (abusive alcoholic father) I can't think of anything worse and it's been intensely horrible even discussing it with mental health nurses. For me, bring on the medication to wipe that shit from my mind 99% of the time.

You don't say why you're seeking therapy, but I would guess either your personality type isn't one that is suited to therapy, or whatever you're seeking therapy for isn't something easily solved by therapy. It's important to remember the brain is hugely complex especially when it comes to past trauma, and sometimes you will need medical help/medicine rather than/in addition to talking therapies, especially for intrusive thoughts, depression etc. Remember, if you only have a hammer then everything is a nail, and if you're a therapist you're likely to think therapy can solve more than it actually can, just like doctors think medical interventions can solve more than they can. The reality is somewhere in the middle.

Either way, I hope you get it sorted.

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SunnyCoast26 t1_j6hjlx3 wrote

I don’t go see a therapist, but I write. I feel (I think)it works in a similar way.

The way it benefits me. I take something that happens to me and I write it down. Then I try to write a negative thing about it and a positive thing. More often than not, because it takes me a few seconds more to write than to think…my brain is forced to slow down. And it triggers more thoughts. Sometimes I research those thoughts and write my new and improved version which, triggers more thoughts and analyses.

On top of it forcing me to slow down, it also feels less intrusive when I do it…than when someone else does it…and I also don’t have to prove anything to myself. After I’m done…most of the time I end up burning my thoughts…in case someone else reads it.

I’ve been doing this for 20 years and I feel a constant analyses helps smooth the bumpy ride. The bumpy rides won’t go away…but, to me at least, it feels like I’m better equipped to deal with the bumps.

Good luck.

I wish you well on your journey of self discovery.

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NanbanJim t1_j6gst45 wrote

It's supposed to work by work. You show up more than just physically. Do your part and be honest. Don't take cop-outs like "i dunno" or "bcuz". You have to put in effort. It's just like a gym, if you go to Planet Fitness and just jerk off into your towel for an hour every other day you're just going to be a coomer. Funny thing is if you just masturbate your mind in therapy the same thing happens, you'll end up a coomer. Do the work. "Ok smartass, what work is that?" Gee, I wonder, hmmm maybe there's some highly paid and educated professional you could ask, if only you had one in your life, HMMMMMMMMMMMMM...

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nofcks2give0 t1_j6h2a42 wrote

I originally started therapy to deal with PTSD. I was having horrible flashback nightmares every night and was sick of it. I worked through the PTSD with EMDR therapy which helps your brain reprocess the traumatic event in a healthier way. I was hesitant at first but was really surprised by the outcome. The nightmares stopped and now when the traumatic event crosses my mind Im not stressed out or angry about it. I still see my therapist just for someone to vent to about stuff. It’s better than always dumping that on friends or family :)

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Featheredwyngs t1_j6h4wg0 wrote

Trying to keep this eli5 (though it may be more like eli10):

The point of therapy is to work with someone called a therapist to learn (healthy) ways to identify and change negative thought and behavior patterns that make you feel bad or get in the way of your goals. A therapist is like a teacher or a coach who will use conversation, exercises, and homework to help you practice and learn these new skills.

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Not eli5: I am a clinical psychologist who does mostly time-limited cognitive and behavioral therapy, which focuses on maladaptive thought and behavior patterns as maintaining factors of a problem and, thus, as proximal mechanisms of change. Regardless of therapeutic orientation, goals in therapy are aimed at improving quality of life, particularly emotional (eg alleviating distress) or functional, occupational, or social (eg reducing impairment) etc. There should always be a goal that you set no matter what type of therapy you do; different therapeutic orientations simply posit different ways of getting there (ie different mechanisms of change)… some with more or less evidence behind their effectiveness depending on the goal one is trying to achieve / problem one is trying to address.

If someone is not sure what they’re working on in therapy, the goal might be poorly defined or (and I’m not saying this is your case) it may be an indicator the person is not in need of therapy (not everyone is). Your therapist should help you identify and nail down your goal (using SMART goals can be helpful here). They should also be able to tell you exactly what type of therapy they’re doing and the rationale for how that will help you achieve that goal. If they can’t, I would be just as skeptical as if my pcp gave me some medicine but couldn’t tell me what my diagnosis was (eg strep throat), what they’re prescribing for it (eg an antibiotic called penicillin), and why that should work (eg antibiotics mess up vital processes in bacteria —> which kills them or stops them from spreading —> and helps my immune system fight off the infection). Edited to add: much like antibiotics, also consider recommended duration and frequency of treatment and how that aligns with your expectations when trying to determine whether you see any benefit.

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uskgl455 t1_j6h64h3 wrote

It works by encouraging you to think about things you haven't put together properly in your mind. Talking is thinking out loud, so someone encouraging you to talk about issues that are causing you pain makes you articulate and investigate and connect them in ways you may have avoided before.

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JimiVegas t1_j6h6fkm wrote

It depends what you're trying to sort out.

Therapy can help you learn how your mind works. What triggers you and why. It can give you better visibility of unhealthy thoughts or feelings and the reasons for them.

It can also teach you techniques to handle those thoughts and feelings.

However it's not suitable for everything or everyone.

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Beregolas t1_j6h6k5j wrote

Simplified: A good (fitting) therapist will help you by providing a structure. This might include a way of thinking about stuff by talking, writing, painting, meditating, how really doesn’t matter that much.

The goal is to help you work through something that is hard to work through on your own. So, you are powering the process, but the therapist guides you into specific directions. They can’t make you do anything, just guide you.

You are like multiple horses pulling a carriage in different directions. Some people can solve this problem by themselves (mostly with the informal help of friends), others need a therapist to help guide all horses back into the same direction.

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uaredoingsogoood t1_j6h807a wrote

You might get a partial answer out of the recent Jonah Hill doc on Netflix called Stutz. Not all therapy is like this, being very practical and tangible. But some is and it's one way to answer your query.

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wilbur111 t1_j6h86pc wrote

Depending on the family we grow up in, we'll learn a language. My family spoke English so I speak English. I don't speak Hindi, Swahili or French... but many people do.

If I wanted to learn to speak French, I'd be best to find someone who speaks French. More than that, I'd be best to find someone who speaks it slowly and clearly, someone who cares about my progression, and gives me time to stumble over my words and find it difficult sometimes. In other words, trying to learn French from the angry drunk guy on the bus might not be ideal.

​

When we grow up in a family we also learn certain thought patterns, certain ways of communicating, expressing emotions, responding to emotions and so forth. They're as normal to us as speaking English is to me.

Unfortunately, we might be a bit specialised in our skills. Maybe our family were total assholes and so the skills we learned to survive with our family of assholes don't actually help us in real life.

Maybe your mum screamed at you, belittled you, and blamed you for anything that went wrong. Well that's like learning Hindi in an English speaking country. When you go out to work in the real world, you might find you're limited in how you can connect to people.

So you go to therapy to learn to love, be kind, to forgive, accept, talk nicely to yourself and to other people. You might even learn to feel and accept your own emotions instead of feeling guilty for them.

And you learn them because, if the therapist is any good, they will speak to you in a loving, caring, accepting manner... and so from them you will learn how to be that way yourself.

​

So you maybe didn't really need 14 different therapists. That's like thinking you needed 14 different plumbers to fix the leaky sink. If you're willing to get in there and experience the experience they have to give you, maybe you'll get what you need.

The problem, of course, is that if the first language you learned is one of judgement and distrust, then you're going to judge and distrust all the therapists... and so you won't give them a chance to get you better.

Maybe your parents never gave you a chance... so you won't give the therapists a chance either.

Maybe your parents commanded you what to do and were very controlling... so you'll find it weird when the therapist doesn't give you specific instructions but instead trusts you to find your own solutions.

Maybe your parents told you you're incompetent... and so you think the therapists are incompetent for not noticing how incompetent you are, and instead they believe in your ability to heal.

Maybe you're desperate for a therapist to "fix" you... because your parents convinced you you're broken. But maybe the therapists are all communicating that you're just fine and that frustrates and annoys you.

The point here is that it's entirely possible that the things that stop the therapy succeeding are exactly the things you need the therapy for.

​

Best of luck. It can be very difficult.

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Constant-Parsley3609 t1_j6hbf1j wrote

If you've had 14 therapists, surely you have some idea of what you want from a therapist?

Personally, I think therapy is something that most people simply won't get much out of. I think that's a reasonable position to take. But if that's how you feel, then why spend money on therapists?

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Fancy-Blueberry2664 t1_j6hcazx wrote

Mental therapy is like talking to a special helper about your feelings and problems. This helper can help you feel better and fix any bad thoughts or behaviors you have.

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LongFeesh t1_j6hd213 wrote

Therapy works by helping you recognize your unhealthy patterns of thought/behaviour and teaching you how to change them to improve your mental health. You do most of the work - the therapist just guides you and shares their professional knowledge when applicable. At the end of the day, the therapist doesn't even really need to "get you" all that much; I've been able to benefit from sessions even with therapists I didn't connect with well. Gain insight, use it to make changes, live better.

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SirReal_Realities t1_j6hd4gf wrote

I suppose it depends on why you are in therapy. If you have suffered from trauma, they are supposed to help your recovery. Sometimes “recovery” means accepting a new “normal”.

If you are in therapy because it is court mandated, or someone else is insisting that you go and you “don’t see the point” then the point is that you are going because you have no choice, or it is easier than saying no.

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maobezw t1_j6hd9bd wrote

I had 4 REHAs and tens of hours of group therapy and had several quite different therapists during that time. Each one highlighted a different facet of the same problem, and ONE said a particular sentence at the end that made all these fragments collapse into one big picture. But none of this would have happened without my own cooperation. Therapy is work on and for oneself. Apparently there are always people who can't or won't see or understand that. IF you go to therapy, then the therapist can only help you to help yourself. No therapist will print out a manual for you. YOU have to write this manual yourself. The therapist can help you do that and talk you through other ideas and perspectives. But YOU MUST go there and WANT to get involved. Edit: And the therapist helps you to work out a set of tools (new behaviours, coping strategies, survival mechanics) which you can and need to build into your life to change and/or avoid those things which make you ill.

Translated with www.DeepL.com/Translator (free version)

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churningtildeath t1_j6heaua wrote

I went to many therapists as well and I later found that their whole profession is BS. Something I learned to get myself out of depression. Depression itself isn’t real unless you decide to make it real. When you do things like feel sorry for yourself all you’re doing is preventing yourself from recovery. It’s just like ghosts. Some people believe in them and some don’t.

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wombatlegs t1_j6hfxh4 wrote

The question confused me. Reading the answers, I think OP means a psychologist, right?

Is that an American thing, to equate therapist with mental health? I think of somebody you see after an injury, like a "physio" or OT - occupational therapist.

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Mattgau18 t1_j6hgger wrote

From personal experience, ive had to flop around a few therapists before I found the right one. I realised I was going to therapists for specific reasons rather than general improvement.

I now go to someone who manages to facilitate my journey to self exploration. This person practices Gestalt which seems to be what I need right now.

I would say the point of therapy is that the therapists present new ways of thinking, mostly when youve been stuck in the rabbit hole of thinking the same things all the time. Its very important to understand though that you need to work hand in hand with the therapist and that they will simply increase awareness and perception without necessarily coming to the solutions ti your problems. They might sometimes, but you still need to do a lot of the work.

Goodluck on your Journey!

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Acualux t1_j6hgni5 wrote

You have an objective of physical fitness? You find a trainer or training program that helps you achieve that.

You don't have any objective and try different trainers/programs? Either you some day click on one of them, or you don't stick for long.

Do you have an objective for mental health?

Usually mental fitness/health is harder because you need to work first by yourself, external help only helps when you have predisposition to get to your objective.

When you don't have that predisposition, they can try to help you get it, but in the last instance it's all up to you: do you want to make the effort to get closer to your objective, even if you only advance 0.1%?

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fiendishrabbit t1_j6hi39x wrote

A therapist is there to help you help yourself.

  1. Help you identify the problem and, if that problem seems too big and intimidating, help you see that it's a problem that can be solved.
  2. Help you come up with a coping strategy or finding a path healthier state of mind.

A big hurdle for therapy is that you have to genuinely want to change.

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53-44-48 t1_j6hioos wrote

I think too many people think a therapist is there to fix your problems and tell you what you need to do.

IMHO a therapist is only there to help you to explore your own thoughts and actions so that you, yourself, can figure out the best path through your problems.

I agree that a person needs to feel comfortable with a therapist, because sorting out problems could be personal and/or emotional, so the right fit is good. On the other hand, cycling through many therapists could also indicate that the goal sought is one of answers and not exploration.

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Konseq t1_j6hkokt wrote

Therapy doesn't work if YOU don't WANT things to change yourself as well. Therapy ideally guides you to the changes you have to apply yourself.

Also you have to find a therapist that "clicks" with you and fits. Not every therapist works for every patient. And there are good and bad therapists out there, too. Depends on their education, experience, personal qualification etc.

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reiiz6 t1_j6hl5r4 wrote

I do my own therapy. Talk to myself, force myself to face the problem and overcome it by talking over and over.

And that is how I overcome my PTSD. by overcoming it, I also overcome my anxiety and panic attack in the process.

So the point of therapy is to know what the fuck is wrong with you, forcing you to look upon it and fix so you become normal again. It just that simple

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PckMan t1_j6hlj8j wrote

Not all therapists suit all patients and some times finding the right one is a difficult process. If we oversimplify things the basic thing they do is change your perspective. A lot of our emotional or mental problems may stem from our environment but many times we get ourselves into a mental loop that keeps us there. Ultimately nobody can "fix" someone else, everyone has to do that for themselves, but the job of the therapist is to help guide someone through this process and provide a different perspective, without just talking out of their ass, which any friend or family member can do.

The first and most important part is knowing what you're there for. "Wanting to feel better" is not enough, you have to have goals in mind. Some times if the source of the problem is unclear they can help you find what it is but a mistake many people make is expect too much from them without giving any feedback to them. It's a cooperative process, they can't just lecture you and make you feel better. A common problem is that a lot of people think they're "doing their part" by going to therapy, but other than going to therapy and venting they're not actually doing anything different in the rest of their time and lives. Going to therapy means being willing to try stuff out, making an effort, even if it doesn't always work the first time.

But when it works it can help you get yourself unstuck. It changes your perspective on yourself and your surroundings, helps you negotiate relationships with others better and help you deal with future issues better.

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rrfe t1_j6ho3sj wrote

I had a few therapy sessions as a result of work burnout. It was just techniques for breathing, relaxing and dealing with stress. And it worked for me…no digging into my childhood trying to uncover trauma or any of that. I was quite impressed by how much things have changed in recent decades.

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spidereater t1_j6hppuv wrote

Therapy is about self awareness. Many people get stuck in cycles of behavior and thought that are destructive and they don’t even realize what they are doing. Therapy is process of discussion and exploration that helps people become aware of how they think and why they behave the way they do. Once they are aware they can work on changing their thinking/behavior/habits in ways that support their goals, whatever those might be.

If you are going through a lot of therapists maybe you need to think about what you are hoping to accomplish. You decide the point of therapy.

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spacejesus1 t1_j6hqk44 wrote

Therapist here. Ask your therapist what his views are on the problem and what is the course of action before starting therapy. Of course not everybody adheres to a structured treatment, but every therapy needs objectives, and the patient must participate in formulating said objectives.

Research shows that patient-therapist's level of agreement and mutual understanding on "what is the issue" and "how do we tackle it" is more closely linked to treatment response than whatever theoretical framework and technique the therapist adheres to.

Bottom line is, when the client understands what is going on, he's more likely to change it through therapy.

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reallybigleg t1_j6hrljn wrote

There are different types of therapy.

Cognitiive behavioural - identify how the ways in which you think drive your emotions and learn to question your thoughts

Psychotherapy (often mixed with some cognitive behavioural nowadays) - identify why you think the way you do before learning to question your thoughts (this is useful for people who find it difficult to question their thoughts or who blame themselves for having the thoughts in the first place, or who know the thoughts are irrational but believe them anyway - it puts the thoughts into context so that when you're inundated with self criticism you can't shake you can use self-compassion - "of course I feel bad with all this criticism going on in my head, and of course I can't help being so self-critical when I was brought up in an environment where I was constantly criticised - this isn't nice for me at all, I'm going to choose to be extra kind to myself to help get me through it")

Mindfulness-based - Creating distance between yours and your thoughts and emotions so you can recognise they are transitory and not get 'stuck' in them, fueling the fire, making it easier to let go of what's happening in your mind

Group therapy - For people who experience problems in their relationships with others. Usually a long-term therapy that allows people to gain first-hand experience of other people (who aren't being paid...) accepting them for who they are, caring about their welfare, being trustworthy and non-abusive etc. so that the patient can learn over time that not everyone will abuse them/criticse them/judge them/neglect them etc. with the hope they're then able to trust people more outside of the therapy room. In individual therapy, it's easy to tell yourself that the therapist is kind because that's their job. In group therapy, the other patients don't have to be kind, they can just choose to be. It's also good for teaching people to face conflict. Facilitated by the group leader, patients are encouraged to be more honest and open about their feelings and thoughts so they can navigate conflict and learn that it is safe, therefore hopefully feeling safer to face conflict IRL.

Normally, therapy is a mix of all the above things. But the goal is for the person to recognise how their internal processes are fuelling their unhappiness (through no fault of their own) and make changes to the way they internally process life so they can experience more positives.

Source: Patient who has had all the above 'types' of therapy in various guises and has found it helpful.

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TheSiege82 t1_j6hs1y2 wrote

I can say it helped me tremendously after like 3 sessions. I’m paraphrasing here but My therapist asked what was causing me grief and anxiety and I said my mom, she’s always talking about her money problems and always has even as I was a kid which is I think is the root my anxiety of going broke and is always so negative about everything. And that’s just not me, I can’t stand it.

My therapist said to me, you can set boundaries, you don’t have to spend time with people who make your feel this way, family included. You can sell the rental houses you own, which one my mom lived in for 400 bucks a month if they cause you to worry. He said, you deserve to be happy too.

It was incredibly eye opening

It really was an eye opener.

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Thesorus t1_j6hs87k wrote

The major point is having someone to talk to that has no relation with you.

It's not a friend, it's not family, it's not coworker, it's not a spouse.

You can say what you want.

In that context, it helps you find paths to getting "better".

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sirseatbelt t1_j6humlf wrote

It helps me as a sanity check. In the sense that "I feel this way about some stuff, is that reasonable, and what can I do about it" since in general my mental health is good.

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Noerknhar t1_j6gwcmc wrote

When you are physically ill, you are a doctor. When you are mentally ill, you see a therapist.

The definition of "I'll", in the latter case, isn't always as obvious or apparent, though.

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Koxyfoxy t1_j6hj1kf wrote

My experience with therapy was them telling me that I need to do something with my life, me agreeing and then doing nothing about it. Like cool, I need to stop eating my depression away, but I'm too tired to do it man. Not even mentioning that you can't be too honest with them or you will be banished to grippy socks jail

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lvl1developer t1_j6h9yd4 wrote

You’re basically paying someone to say exactly what you told them, right back to you.

This is all in hopes so that you, who is ignorant/stupid/crazy, will one day actually listen to yourself

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GreenLurch t1_j6gtwcx wrote

Maybe you don’t need therapy..? I am not sure how old you are, but a lot of younger people these days all seem to think they are traumatized, have mental issues, neurodivergent etc. while it’s mostly just things they read about on the internet. They try to fit in because it probably sounds interesting to them and everyone seems to rave on about it. Kinda like the trends and subcultures we had back in the day.

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Mental-Swordfish-432 t1_j6h9ndf wrote

>Maybe you don’t need therapy..? I am not sure how old you are, but a lot of younger people these days all seem to think they are traumatized, have mental issues, neurodivergent etc. while it’s mostly just things they read about on the internet. They try to fit in because it probably sounds interesting to them and everyone seems to rave on about it. Kinda like the trends and subcultures we had back in the day.

This x 100

- a doctor working in mental health

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