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mikek505 t1_j8psc6a wrote

If i wrote a letter every time i farted, id still be writing letters

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SylvieJay t1_j9125fq wrote

You'd have graduated 🎓 with post nominal letters 😆😂

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zabel1969 t1_j8pwae5 wrote

WTF the sorry letter for FART ??

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supermac23 OP t1_j8stypt wrote

He was giving a speech to the class about being respectful to guest speakers

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ur-socks-sir t1_j8tvhd0 wrote

The irony only makes it better. Honestly though, I'm considering being a teacher, and if that was me speaking then I'd be laughing more than upset that I got interrupted.

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MelancholyMushroom t1_j8u3ki4 wrote

Aw I think I did this once and I remember the teacher lost her shit, and she yelled at me like I’d just shot her dog. It was an odd reaction for an adult to have looking back on it. Maybe 3rd grade or so. Weird.

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syds t1_j8uknlr wrote

after a few hundred farts and a few wet ones, shit gets old I bet

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bobbyfiend t1_j91duka wrote

Had to scroll to this before I snorted out loud.

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BeardedWonder0 t1_j8pwrfj wrote

I have a good story about farting in school.

Back in middle school, I was a terror. A legit fucking nightmare of a child and they for some reason, decided to try and correct this behavior by putting me into the advanced education course with the more gifted kids. Now I wasn’t dumb in the slightest, a little shit yes, but not dumb but all the teachers knew why I was in that class and most of em treated me like it.

There was one teacher, Mrs Cummins who I absolutely despised, not for any particular reason other than that I felt like she didn’t like me or felt like I didn’t deserve to be in her class. She had the most monotone voice in the entire world and I just was bored every time I had her class. So of course, I would try and make my own fun, and amuse my classmates who I knew were probably more bored than me.

One day, me and the kids at my table were talking and I happened to fart. I found it, obviously hilarious because I was a 12 year old boy (I mean. Farts are still funny and I’m 30 now) and couldn’t contain just how funny it was and burst out laughing. It was a particularly funny sounding one too.

In the middle of this, Mrs Cummins decides to walk over to the window, and crack it open. This of course, made me and the other kids laugh even fucking harder. How could I not?! My teacher just acknowledged my fart! I lost it.

Later that evening, when I’m at dinner my mother and father tell me they received a phone call today from Mrs Cummins. I stifled a giggle as I wondered why she might have called.

“We got a call from Mrs Cummins today saying you were disrupting class. When I asked her how you were distrusting it, she said you farted” trying to contain my laughter but very clearly showing a smile I looked over to my dad and saw him cracking. “So of course, I giggled a little bit and said ‘Well Mrs Cummins, everyone farts’” my mother then does her best Mrs Cummins impression in her monotone voice “‘Well, Mrs Wonder, I wouldn’t be laughing if I farted’” I fucking lost it, I managed to get out the story from my perspective and I don’t think my mother has ever laughed so hard at me being a little asshole before especially with her opening the window.

Wonder what Mrs Cummins is up to now. If you read this, I still laugh when I fart Mrs Cummins.

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Different-Occasion47 t1_j8pr0fy wrote

Upstaged by flatulence

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Love_Cannon t1_j8qav3j wrote

Let's be real. No matter who you are, no matter how much power you command, no matter how many people are listening, the fart during your speech steals your thunder.

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sopedound t1_j8rnimt wrote

Unless you can reply "nice one" and then return to the speech without skipping a beat.

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leavemealonegeez8 t1_j8qthi5 wrote

It’s true. If Steve Jobs were still alive he’d attest to it. Unfortunately he was replaced by a fart

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tbarb00 t1_j8pvtql wrote

Upvoting for the parental notation of grade and date

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JorjorBinks1221 t1_j8r7ost wrote

So sit down, kids. I have a tale to tell.

In my junior year of high school, my class was down at the computer lab/library for the period and before lunch.

So if you walked into the library on your left was about 30 computers for us to use for school work. To the right was most of the books and some tables and chairs. So in the back corner by the books the there was this spot with five chairs; super comfy and out of the way.

My friends and I filled all of the seats and sat there whispering and bullshiting when our buddy Zach came in and saw us.

Zach was in our grade, but not our class. So he comes and sits down between a couple of our chairs, so he's out of sight and starts explaining why he's there.

He was in AG class and was gassy. He was continually ripping ass without really meaning to, and the teacher finally got fed up and sent him to the office. He told the teacher "I'm not going to theboffice for fucking farting dude." And came to the library instead.

So about the our principal comes in, and his whole face is bright ass red, so we know he's pissed and goes over the computers, obviously looking for Zach. He fucks off and we all lose it laughing then a TA goes and gets him to rat Zach out.

He comes back and tells him he's gotta go to the office. Zach says he's not going to the office for farting. The principal threatens to call the cops for "insubordination." Mind you, this is a small rural school nearest cops 15 minutes away. My class size was 35.

So they go back and forth and Zach says, "go ahead and call the cops on me for fucking farting. That's the stupidest shit I've ever heard." Principal shrugs and leaves, and we have about 10 minutes til lunch and are laughing about what just happened.

Bell rings, and we all go out into the hall to go to lunch. As we're walking, Zach is by me, and I see two uniformed officers come up and grab Zach and lead him back to the office.

They escorted him home that day.

That's how Zach had to take a 10-minute ride to his house in the back of a squad car for farting in class.

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Miserable_Toe9920 t1_j8rqbfa wrote

I farted in a school assembly once in junior school I got dropped from the school football team as punishment. I was the goalkeeper and we had never lost a match. Guess what we lost that game I got dropped. Fuck you mr Meek you absolute tosspot

7

CruzBay t1_j8pt9ov wrote

What part of Canada are you from?

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trainsandmusic t1_j8qcdsc wrote

I cant control it <--> i will never do it again

You didnt mean it.

3

Latter-Score-8937 t1_j8qhohd wrote

Let’s hope he forgets about it and teaches you grammar and punctuation.

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Scythe-Guy t1_j8uc8ks wrote

Yeah if he was like 8 or 9 I’d understand, but sixth grade? Oof

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MackeyH t1_j8qjyvu wrote

Johnny asked, "Teacher, do farts have lumps."
Teacher replies, "No Johnny, farts do not have lumps."

"Well then," says Johnny, "I just shit my pants."

3

Mr_Gilmore_Jr t1_j8rmc3u wrote

I feel like 6th graders have better writing than this.

3

jjmawaken t1_j8s5je8 wrote

I had a friend who let one rip while sitting on a wooden pew during a quiet prayer time, we still laugh about it 30 years later

3

Tea-Usual t1_j8pqk18 wrote

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, so sorry.......IM NOT SORRY I FARTED MUAHHAHA!!!

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Drewbo_C t1_j8pt9zz wrote

I could just imagine the giggling and snorting going on among your classmates when you dropped your guts. Would have kept me amused for the rest of the day. So thanks on behalf of your former classmates.

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Kiloyankee-jelly46 t1_j8qtris wrote

There's no need for this level of grovelling. It only a fart. Just....let it go.😎

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Dweebil t1_j8r7k3m wrote

A friend of mine ripped a deafening fart during an assembly that still makes my laugh to this day. I’m actually laughing rn.

2

rawrc t1_j8rsuti wrote

Farted in front of the whole school in 6th grade? oof.

2

Agitated-Joey t1_j8soq00 wrote

Giving speeches to kids is a waste of time. I can’t recall a single damn speech someone gave from school. Parents however, can remember quite a few of those speeches.

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jellyfishingwizard t1_j8u2yge wrote

All the sudden your hand writing gets amazing when you write sorry. It’s like someone else out it in for you lol

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1

imlilyhi t1_j8q2j92 wrote

“I’m sorry for existing”

1

macktruck6666 t1_j8q823s wrote

I once farteD in the middle of college class .... and it was LOOOOUD!!!

1

stevedonie t1_j8qb7ei wrote

Well structured apology!

1

turtleloverMTS t1_j8qd4sv wrote

In an old episode of Rosanne's show, her oldest daughter had passed gas while giving a speech to a school assembly, she was embarrassed and did not want to return to school.

1

bigbigjohnson t1_j8qdocw wrote

This the kinda stuff you should be able to look up on 23andMe

1

46dad t1_j8qe8m0 wrote

I farted in church during prayer once. The sanctuary was being renovated so we were in the gym seated in metal chairs. The echo was immense. The smell was of the dark lord’s bunghole, and it was a bit wet sounding. I didn’t write any letters though.

1

r0ckH0pper t1_j8qebbm wrote

Have ya kept your promise to never fart again?

1

phormix t1_j8qj3qg wrote

I've been in a couple video calls where somebody ripped ass and it was picked up pretty well by the mic. In one everyone kinda paused for a moment so I'm pretty sure the farter knew they'd been heard.

Damn sensitive headset mics these days.

1

ARCAxNINEv t1_j8qkcqq wrote

He's like, "I will never fart again, I promise"

1

Scmethodist t1_j8qkjlo wrote

Yo lyin ass, you know you laughed your ass off later with your friends.

1

zepploon t1_j8qld42 wrote

I am curious. Was it loud, like a crackle pop snapper or super stinky bubble drop?

1

jk2577 t1_j8qu94f wrote

Jeez. That’s a fucked in level of guilt for a 6th grader. The fuck was your childhood like?!

1

Nelson_little98 t1_j8raa5y wrote

I live in England, what year is 6th grade? Is it just year 6? Year 5? Year 7?

1

Zestfullyclean87 t1_j8utkw4 wrote

This reminds me of when I was passing notes in math class, and I wrote “I bet (math teacher) has a real hairy ass” and I got caught. She read the note and I was sent home for the day, and I had to write an apology letter about how the guilt consumed me

1

bobbyfiend t1_j91dso2 wrote

Update for 2023:

"No gods. No masters. No regrets."

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WreckMyAssRalph t1_j8pqw9z wrote

This is horrifying, I hope the nurses at your principals' nursing home starve and beat him

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