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WeirdGoesPro t1_jdmc3jx wrote

There’s a good chance that they’ll miss it or won’t be able to read it if you swallow it because it will either be too digested or the scope won’t go far enough to see it. Best go in through the back door for maximum effect.

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Mysterious_Pop247 t1_jdmvn97 wrote

Find that surgeon who likes etching his signature on peoples' organs and get him to etch it on your prostate.

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Nimyron t1_jdog20d wrote

Damn bro. Imagine you're just coming to get a cam in your ass and you get out with an autograph !

15

[deleted] t1_jdouqzq wrote

My wife tried that once; we’re divorced now

3

surelyfunke20 t1_jdqke82 wrote

Thats fun and everything but the prostate is not inside the colon so we wouldn’t actually see it. We just give it a poke to check size and texture.

2

GANDORF57 t1_jdnn0eh wrote

Whoa! You're just talking out of your asshole now! ^(*(or texting!))

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bearsheperd t1_jdor8k4 wrote

So, just shove it up your butt?

1

Outnabout3535325 t1_jdql7hy wrote

You can get a good look at a T Bone steak by sticking your head up the bull's ass but wouldn't you rather take the butcher's word for it?

2

Xytakis t1_jdp3gfs wrote

He means he is going to tape it to his ass cheek, but it would be funnier if they found it in his colon.

1

ranting_chef t1_jdmlf6h wrote

"We've been trying to reach you regarding your car's extended warranty."

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Gern-Blanston t1_jdo2311 wrote

On a folded up piece of paper in your ass crack…

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Rektifium t1_jdpmny5 wrote

That is literally the only way to know if you need to pay the extended warranty

2

Van_GOOOOOUGH t1_jdmgr5h wrote

*thine

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tomparker OP t1_jdmizrg wrote

Brilliant. I’m going to see if I can fit this on a plastic label called edits

Use thy where you would use your and thine where you would use yours. BUT: if the noun placed after thy begins with a vowel sound, use thine instead: thy book, but thine eyes. Archaically, the same was done with my and mine, but this is no longer common usage outside of some poetic use.

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TrumpsBoneSpur t1_jdmkonr wrote

Make a "Remove tab before using" label (like toys with batteries have) and then tuck it partially in your ass before going in.

Then they can remove it, and it won't potentially fuck up your results

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DannyCalavera t1_jdncait wrote

One of those red tabs that say “remove before flight” you get on aircraft.

5

J3lf t1_jdmls32 wrote

Fold it up and put it in your ass cheeks but change it to "We've been trying to reach you about your cars extended warranty"

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pnw_southern_bell t1_jdmsrwj wrote

This is the way

6

dr_cl_aphra t1_jdoc459 wrote

This is the Way.

I’m a surgeon who does colonoscopies, literally this is the way to do silly shit. That and having someone write funny shit on your butt.

We do appreciate it. You will live on in our memories and the tales we tell our residents. :)

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HotPurplePancakes t1_jdpu3q8 wrote

What’s the funniest thing someone did?

1

dr_cl_aphra t1_jdqhf2c wrote

My partner (another surgeon) had his wife write “do not enter” on his ass before his colonoscopy. I wrote back “LOL nope.”

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surelyfunke20 t1_jdqks44 wrote

We had a set of brothers come in on the same day. One put his visitor name tag on his ass cheek. It was the best.

He said “this is so you don’t use my brothers same scope on me!”

2

Gmac513 t1_jdmccoo wrote

A QC note left by aliens from last probing. Next probe due in 9 light years or 69k miles

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cavegoatlove t1_jdmdu1c wrote

Just stick it on your ass. My luck, the tape would cause a false reading and I’d have to prep all over again, pass. ( no pun intended)

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Revenge_of_the_User t1_jdo54ah wrote

I just had one last week and yeah, prep is the fucking worst.

My version of hell for 20 years was to be stuck climbing an endless staircase.

Now, its eternal colonoscopy prep. Give me the stairs.

5

steved3604 t1_jdmrsm2 wrote

Do not under any circumstances swallow this.

Tape your message on hind end or write message with Sharpie in appropriate place.

Do not eat this --- it's a formula for failure.

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A40 t1_jdmjc2q wrote

How about "Inspected by No. 44"

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Orodole t1_jdmi9f6 wrote

Turn back, there be dragons beyond!

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TwoballOneballNoball t1_jdne1tb wrote

Some doctors see anything in there and they cancel the procedure and reschedule for another time. Good luck.

8

flogger_bogger t1_jdngkcv wrote

Do they not give you a giant bottle of laxatives that you need to drink 12-24hrs beforehand where you live? You'd just be ingesting/digesting plastic and then shitting it out for no reason...

5

heparins t1_jdmi4qm wrote

Help, I’m stuck inside of a human!

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Klotzster t1_jdmlom1 wrote

Last gas for 50 miles

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arp492022 t1_jdmytc3 wrote

You must keep going Lemmiwinks

3

IamLuann t1_jdnldlq wrote

Tape it to one of your butt cheeks

3

SkoveDog t1_jdnxsbv wrote

Just draw a large "W" on each cheek so when they do the colonoscopy, they see WoW....or MoM depending on your orientation.

3

darthbiscuit t1_jdo4qox wrote

“We’ve been trying to reach you about your cars extended warranty…”

3

B360828 t1_jdojasg wrote

On my last one my doc walked in with tears in his eyes from laughing, along with a few of his team. Of course I asked why. He said his last patient had his wife write on his ass "We've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty."

3

BlackaddaIX t1_jdooto0 wrote

Change it to: r/AITA

Or put a short url on there for the best rick roll ever

3

UnicornPuppy2016 t1_jdpl93u wrote

OF ALL THE GIN JOINTS IN ALL THE TOWNS IN ALL THE WORLD, you probe into this one

3

FunTop5998 t1_jdmm0u5 wrote

It will probably dissolve before reaching your colon

2

jimbo92107 t1_jdmnlun wrote

"But what about my sprained ankle?"

2

Kenny_Squeek_Scolari t1_jdmok0d wrote

Swallow pirate Lego men and Lego treasure...it will be like the Goonies movie but in your ass

2

ElonBodyOdor t1_jdncqpj wrote

How about, “No butt stuff, weirdos.”

2

pamacdon t1_jdndrl7 wrote

This space for rent

2

15RoundMagazine t1_jdnonot wrote

Pleased to meet you. And I mean that from the heart of my bottom.

2

thordenlynet t1_jdo2kmh wrote

Don’t swallow it. Stick it up your ass instead it’ll make it so much easier for them to read

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afelgent t1_jdorbwp wrote

If you can read this, you're too close.

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Sethtc t1_jdp1qz5 wrote

“We’ve been trying to reach you about your auto warranty”

2

Salarian_American t1_jdpfdv1 wrote

"I suppose you're wondering why I've called you here today"

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1

sexmonkeys420 t1_jdmjidy wrote

Put it like where a tramp stamp would go or just have someone write it in pen 😂

1

ledouxrt t1_jdmjo5w wrote

If they're scoping you, then they've already met thy end when they put the camera up it.

You should make a miniature version of Chester Copperpot's wallet instead.

1

millyloui t1_jdmjqa7 wrote

It will be unreadable & tangled up

1

NaturalRow5496 t1_jdmkttd wrote

Sledgehammer. Chainsaw. A car.

Any of those will do…

1

Theend92m t1_jdmxjy2 wrote

Iam here. You can meet me.

1

tokencode t1_jdn3mkf wrote

"We've been trying to reach you about your car's warranty."

1

66pig t1_jdn4c5w wrote

You have to push throu the shit to reach the goal

1

Princeoplecs t1_jdn85zh wrote

As on Spike Milligans head stone "i told you i was ill".

1

GSeasAll t1_jdna1a4 wrote

Hello from the other side

1

driven3needle t1_jdnatoj wrote

Swallow multiple detour instructions for tourist attractions

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piznit007 t1_jdnexke wrote

It’s dangerous to go alone! Take this

1

UrbanIronBeam t1_jdnot5y wrote

How about "Prepare to meet my end!" ... Although I suppose the doc will have already done by the time that gets ready.

1

Under_Ach1ever t1_jdnz4a3 wrote

Honestly, just have someone write "We've been trying to reach you about your car's warranty" on your butt instead.

1

lungshenli t1_jdo0grb wrote

If you’re really precise you might be able to shove a larger piece up down there that acts like the credit scroll from the beginning of any star wars movie

1

Flurb789 t1_jdo0mgg wrote

A few ideas

:

;

Just around the bend

I named him bartolo

Rated for hurricane force winds

1

escher4096 t1_jdo5ile wrote

“Thy end” or “my end”…. It is going up your butt after all

1

R3YE5 t1_jdo6pig wrote

I guess "No Shit" is too obvious? Lol

1

Slifko t1_jdobx5p wrote

Swallow a small capsule with a $50 bill rolled up inside with a tiny note that says: "Your tip"

1

BunnyTheCow t1_jdocrdg wrote

I swallow a single piece of corn and tell them there will be a prize if they find it. Getting the timing right on when to swallow it is the hard part.

1

Ragnangar t1_jdoeoxw wrote

Akshually… they’re meeting your end.

1

tangcameo t1_jdof9wp wrote

This way to the Great Egress!

1

Jacerom t1_jdogqs5 wrote

laminate it first

1

blakevac t1_jdoisek wrote

Bro shove it up there that’s the only way they will see it

1

ehudsonification t1_jdokw4h wrote

“Your wife called. She wants you home for dinner.”

1

Iamvanno t1_jdoo8wp wrote

If you are a rather hairy person, you could go with Welcome to the Jungle

1

Droneflyerguy t1_jdosod0 wrote

Make sure to clean off any dingle berries!

1

usinjin t1_jdotoed wrote

My dad wanted a sharpied arrow with “insert here”

1

pete_ape t1_jdovdwo wrote

Shouldn't it be "prepare to meet my end"?

1

aringa t1_jdp1ogo wrote

Should be "prepare to meet MY end"

1

LeekGullible t1_jdpfhxm wrote

You'll end up being a human pull tab.

1

dionthorn t1_jdpg5bd wrote

Arguably the best quote for this particular situation may be:

"Abandon all hope, ye who enter here."

1

b4mmb4mm t1_jdpi57m wrote

It should be "my end"

1

rebelego t1_jdvykyn wrote

Unless OP has another surprise waiting for them...

2

wckm t1_jdpi9k8 wrote

Just write ‘Hello’ on your asscheeks

1

Glyphwind t1_jdpis1g wrote

You will find this by deez nuts!

1

Akiosoun t1_jdpr4eo wrote

Shove it in your dick and take a fertility test

1

pukatamada t1_jdqiyt5 wrote

Lasciate ogni speranza, voi ch'entrate

Those who enter here, abandon all hope.

1

surelyfunke20 t1_jdqk6vt wrote

Colonoscopy nurse here. Please, Just stick it on your cheek, that will be fine. We would love that actually.

If it does somehow survive your stomach acid and speed the the small intestines intact (it definitely won’t), You might get billed if we have to use different tools to extract it and it may slow down your procedure. We wouldn’t uncrumple it, we’d just stick it in a jar of formaldehyde. Which could put everyone else’s colonoscopies behind schedule.

So just peel and stick it to your booty cheek and don’t tell anyone before hand.

1