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sundialgrowers1 t1_iyenfk5 wrote

Procrastinating from what? Sorting out your Skittles by color?

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Nicedvdt t1_iyen3zt wrote

I understand this Cheetos chart, read from the bottom up, of how nervous I am getting that I am almost out of Cheetos to eat.

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Historical-Jury-775 t1_iyeomq4 wrote

If you need to procrastinate further you could sort them largest to smallest by volume, but that's a pretty hard job....maybe do it later.

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bucolucas OP t1_iyepq1l wrote

I considered using my milligram-precise scale to sort them, but that would have been too much work.

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RamsesThePigeon t1_iyevx9k wrote

Back when I was in kindergarten, I was friends with a kid whom I'll refer to as "Stephen."

This will end up being relevant, I promise.

Stephen absolutely loved Cheetos. (There's some relevance already!) Whenever one of our classmates had a bag of the dust-encrusted snack in their possession, Stephen could be found hovering over that person's shoulder, usually offering hilariously unsubtle suggestions that he should assist with any eating-related tasks. This resulted in a quasi-serious practice of students actively hiding when they wanted to eat Cheetos in peace... but somehow, Stephen always found a way of sniffing them out.

One fateful morning, I was the one who had brought Cheetos to school. These weren't ordinary examples of orange-colored cornmeal, though: They were the "puffed" variety, and it turned out that Stephen – despite his purported connoisseurship – had never seen them before.

The following is as close to a verbatim account of our exchange as I can remember.

"What are those?!" Stephen asked me, equal parts awe and excitement in his voice.

I reluctantly responded with "They're Cheetos," then made a show of eating one.

"Why are they so big?!" The boy stepped closer, his eyes never leaving my hands. "Where did you get them?!"

Now, those questions were actually more reasonable than they might have seemed, because I wasn't eating from a branded bag: My mother had purchased a very large package of the chips (if you can even call them "chips") in question, and she had taken to doling them out by way of smaller, plastic baggies.

Had he been older, Stephen might have likened my parent to a drug-dealer.

Anyway, I replied by saying "I have a big bag of them at home." Somehow or other, though, Stephen interpreted this to mean that I was personally manufacturing the larger-than-normal Cheetos over which he was salivating.

"You... you..." he stammered. "You have a machine at home that makes them big?!"

Paragon of honesty that I was, I hurried to correct him: "Yes. Yes, I do."

Our exchange went on for a while longer (with most of that time being filled by Stephen trying to talk me in to "sharing"), but toward the end of it, I was encouraged to "use my machine" to make Cheetos that were even bigger. This put me in something of a pickle... so when I got home that afternoon, I immediately went to the cupboard where my mother kept snacks, retrieved the bag that had prompted my lie, then spent the next half-hour or so picking out the largest pieces that I could find.

By the time that my mother caught me, I had amassed what looked like a neon pile of cat poop on the dining-room table... and let me tell you, I had a hell of a time explaining why I was sorting Cheetos by size.

See? I told you it was relevant.

TL;DR: Snack-stealer starts stupid sorting scheme.

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100_Donuts t1_iyeu5gx wrote

Cheetos always taste better when you pucker up your mouth like a ripe little butt hole and shove in the lumpy Cheeto all slow-like as if it's a reverse deuce. Then of course you lick your lips in a way that's just impossible for your real butt hole to do.

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Cardi_Ganz t1_iyf7xas wrote

What a spectacularly terrible day to be literate 💀

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AtomAntvsTheWorld t1_iyeq6kf wrote

“Yes but have you named them all”

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bucolucas OP t1_iyequzx wrote

This little piggy went to market, and this little piggy... Went to market, too. Fuck it, all these piggies are going to market.

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19mellow88 t1_iyeqdjy wrote

Now what order to eat them in?

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jarryharvis t1_iyes92b wrote

The 6th one from the top is flipping you off

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koreanfertilityrate t1_iyet1ma wrote

I'm impressed with your writing proficiency in the Cheetos language.

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fungrandma9 t1_iyet73x wrote

Love it! Used to line up my smartees candy on the desk calendar and group by color.

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mo53sz t1_iyes5c4 wrote

I dunno man. I think it would be more accurate if you sorted them by weight. But please use the metric system because obvious reasons.

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KatesDad2019 t1_iyeusjy wrote

Bubble sort, heap sort, radix sort? I never heard of a procrastination sort. Please elaborate.

-- old programmer.

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Hamfiter t1_iyeq9lv wrote

Good job, I respect you doing the jobs that most Americans won’t do.

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WrongStatus t1_iyeyvka wrote

I do something like this pretty much every time I eat chips. I eat them worst to best. small pieces first, then onto the bigger pieces, then onto the whole chips, and then finally, the folded over chips. Might be something wrong with me...

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Meshd t1_iyeovy3 wrote

An impressive collection of rare and dusty fossils from the Cheetozoic era.

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VoldemortHugs t1_iyeruj8 wrote

Why did I think Cheetos were orange balls of cheese flavoured dust? What am I thinking of?

I think that’s time well spent. Just say it’s for science.

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SharonInfections t1_iyes3ke wrote

Well, longest to shortest. I'd imagine the density is fairly uniform across all cheetos, so you'll need a scale to determine which is the biggest

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LeinenRates t1_iyesbv7 wrote

What sorting method did you use?

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DAYMAN-AHAHAAAAAAA t1_iyeyo5i wrote

Breaking the bottom pieces to make them smaller and sequential rather than using actual smaller pieces.

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0ndra t1_iyf27v0 wrote

Sorry bro I think you have autism

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IndigoRules t1_iyerxb9 wrote

As someone scanning Reddit when I should be working I applaud this and am grateful for your entertainment effort!

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BadSanna t1_iyesaqq wrote

Aaaaaarghhh! Some of them are out of order....

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Cobruh96 t1_iyeucg7 wrote

I fear this person for their strong procrastination abilities

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Ok_Breakfast_5459 t1_iyevq7w wrote

“By the power of Procrastinating” (Raises cheetos sword) “I -have- the- power!”

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Icy-Sweet7111 t1_iyexe0x wrote

I agree with this. The decision to put 18 before 19 was correct.

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eileen404 t1_iyey0bc wrote

Should take a pic scale correctly and send it to the place that prints pictures on fabric and get a tie made out of it.

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cybermonkeyhand t1_iyey4cw wrote

Now in order by mass and see how the results change.

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walkerisduder t1_iyey78l wrote

I thought this was a death core band name

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tewnewt t1_iyeyhjo wrote

We're not far from snorting size when you think about it.

I'm going to inhale it anyways...

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Chips66 t1_iyf185o wrote

Blessed WiFi

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Kalliati t1_iyf1nfr wrote

I was thinking this was over 20 years of shrinkflation with Cheetos.

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MrDundee666 t1_iyf2bzt wrote

Nik Naks > Cheetos

Fact.

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Kreema29 t1_iyf2slp wrote

Now do it smallest time largest.

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SkySawLuminers t1_iyf389x wrote

my dog would have never let that happen. you need a dog

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1973mojo1973 t1_iyf4f9w wrote

How you gonna eat them though?

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pesky-sens t1_iyf4nta wrote

6th one from the top is bigger than the one above it

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DorianDotSlash t1_iyf4yg8 wrote

Hate to burst your bubble but many of these are out of order if going largest to smallest, as in, by volume.

You sorted them by length ;)

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GBinAZ t1_iyf5aef wrote

not all heroes wear capes

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StillWill18 t1_iyf9zcr wrote

Not a bad design for a tie. You might be the next Mugatu.

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Re92 t1_iyesqec wrote

Don't think that what procrastinating means. It means doing something less important than what u should be doing. Sorting chips not important at all.

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