Im really really struggling after moving into town

Submitted by XIFOD1M t3_yjje62 in jerseycity

Im from California originally but I went to school in Manhattan. I spent the whole time wanting to go home and I finally got to once I graduated. Then I started looking for jobs and the only really great opportunity I got was in NYC. Except it wasn’t really NYC, it was Jersey City, and even then it was a suburb of JC. All of this, I only found out after they offered me the job. I only recently signed a lease and I had a small freak out before I did; now I’m wishing I had trusted my gut. I just moved to my new apartment and I just hate every part of everything that’s happening. I don’t like my landlord or the vibe of the building. I don’t like the neighborhood (journal square) (which I picked specifically because I could be near the Path train to Manhattan). I don’t like having to commute to this job or learning how to street park my car. And worst of all, I was told that the Path train would put me “15 minutes from Manhattan” instead its closer to 45. So I moved somewhere on the expectation that I’d be coming BACK to somewhere that I knew and had friends. Instead, I’m in a new place and all alone.

I don’t want any of this to sound like im trashing Jersey City. Its just not what I expected. I wasn’t ready to feel this isolated and I can’t stop feeling like I’ve just made a colossal mistake.

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mooseLimbsCatLicks t1_iuo9sl6 wrote

Sounds like you started from a place of negativity even in nyc.

My advice is lose the negativity, accept your situation, move forward with a good attitude of making the best of your situation.

Make some friends via the discord that the young ones like yourself use to meet other people. You are lonely, but thinking about how miserable you are all the time is just a self fulfilling prophecy. There are things you can change to make your situation better.

Someone link the discord here lol.

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BromioKalen t1_iuo83cg wrote

I hated the first year I moved here. I also moved from the west coast and figured I made a massive mistake, but I did end up making a lot of friends and keep in mind that if you signed a year lease, consider it an exploratory period until you decide what parts of town you like or if you'd rather be in the city. Don't consider it as a mistake or something you need to get out of. A year goes by pretty quick. I have been here 13 years now, and yes the first year was rough, but well worth it.

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XIFOD1M OP t1_iuo8gzk wrote

Thanks for the words. I appreciate it. A year just feels so long right now.

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kippster93 t1_iuob08v wrote

It goes fast. Use the year to get some experience on your resume, explore and before you know it a year will be gone. I moved to Miami (I know sounds amazing but...) I had a similar freak out upon landing/living there. Felt I'd made a huge mistake. Ended up spending two years and while it never felt like home it was an incredible experience that I definitely don't regret.

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mookybelltolls t1_iutxuae wrote

Join the Journal Square Neighborhood association. Lovely people. They have a speaker every month that might be arty, history or local issues. I find its a great way to meet people. Park your car in union city and pay so you dont hassle with it. Ride a bike around town or take VIA. Your best park is Pershing Field Park. You can get some green time volunteering there with the Pershing Field Garden Friends.
I dont know but your alumni association might have a chapter here. Get on the list for the Hilltop Association, too. They are on the eastern side of Journal Square. They have a facebook site. The city site has local parties, get togethers, new rules etc. I dont know your interests.
The local Sierra Club has many hiking, canoeing and naturalist tours. There is a group for everything here.

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promisingyoungahole t1_iuozqg1 wrote

Hey, what did you do to make friends in town? 😅 I’m in my first year of hating it here and I’m struggling

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mookybelltolls t1_ius7b9d wrote

I assume you mean jc. Which neighborhood are you in? Everyone here is lonely in some way.

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promisingyoungahole t1_iutk8ji wrote

I’m in the heights specifically!

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mookybelltolls t1_iutunua wrote

Ok I understand. The Heights has neighborhood associations. Are you near the East side of the Heights? More South or North?

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Mandy0621 t1_iuo7293 wrote

I’m sorry you feel this way and I hope it gets better :(

Journal Square is a bit over 15 min from Manhattan - I’m looking at the app now and it gets to Christopher street in about 20 minutes so I’m not sure why it’s taking you 45.

See if there is any advice in this sub or ways to sign up for clubs and what not so you can meet people. Moving to a new place is a huge adjustment. I felt the same way but it does get better.

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cyberdecks t1_iuoonvn wrote

they're probably counting having to take the bus from wherever to JSq.

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fandagan t1_iup35ek wrote

And going all the way to 33rd St. Most marketing materials/realtors use the time to WTC if you make it just in time as the "time to Manhattan".

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aTribeCalledLemur t1_iupdl2c wrote

When the path train goes via Hoboken, JSQ to 33rd can take a long time. It's smarter IMO to use WTC line on nights and weekends.

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KustyTheKlown t1_iuocf82 wrote

you would be 15 minutes from manhattan (or less) in downtown jersey city. you are in journal square. you'd have a much more manhattan-y vibe here downtown with at least a smattering of 'hip' restaurants and bars and a young professionals sort of typical neighbor. the slightest bit of research should have cleared this up for you in advance. street parking is also easier downtown as you only need to shuffle one day a week in downtown zones if you get a residents permit. you can also get a parking lot downtown for under $300, which would be unheard of in manhattan or most of Brooklyn.

FYI, since you are speaking of street parking and you seem pretty new in town, you do need to go get a residents parking permit to be allowed to leave your car on the streets during posted hours for longer than 2 hours. to do this you will need to update your license registration and title to new jersey. this will take time and require planning and at least one visit to your friendly NJ MVC office. the residents permit is unavailable to you if you live in a large building that offers its own parking, even if said on-site parking is prohibitively expensive for you. enjoy!

i am also curious about what a 'suburb of jersey city' means. i wasn't aware we had any... i find it fairly hard to believe that you applied for and accepted a job involving a cross-country move without understanding damn well that the job was located in new jersey, not new york.

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assanza t1_iuo841z wrote

Journal Square is my least favorite neighborhood in JC. The huge multilane roads and the train tracks make it unpleasant to walk around. It's dirty, with lots of traffic.

Look into the downtown area if you can afford it. The heights has a better vibe too. Hopefully you can still break the lease.

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XIFOD1M OP t1_iuo8cwa wrote

I think im stuck here for the year unfortunately

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Lilmitten82 t1_iupk192 wrote

I think you would be MUCH happier downtown. That’s a terrible neighborhood to start in (no offense to one’s who live there)

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XIFOD1M OP t1_iupr0nx wrote

I think you’re definitely right. I took some time to calm down and at least consider some solutions. The lease is signed but I could always talk to the landlord about breaking it. He’s a nice guy. If not, the good thing about my place is that I’m right next to the path station. Either I get an unlimited card or a bike and I can spend the bulk of my free time downtown if I so choose.

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Chilltopjc t1_iuoeivj wrote

Why do you have a car? Getting rid of that will take a lot of stress and cost away.

Meeting people isn’t easy as an adult, but there are so many organizations, clubs, teams, that you can get involved with. Think about things you enjoy doing. If there’s a club or group for those things anywhere, they’d be in NYC or JC.

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KustyTheKlown t1_iuoibdg wrote

he said his job is in a 'suburb' of jc. I'm curious what that means, but at a minimum it seems to imply his job isn't mass transit accessible.

and the default 'dont have a car' kneejerk is silly. one of the main reasons i left NYC for jc was that it was much more reasonable and affordable and practical to keep a car here. i walk to work, but i recreate outside of jc/nyc. for the lifestyle i want to live, i want a car. living in jc enables having it.

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JCwhatimsayin t1_iuoyfct wrote

I don't know. It sounds like you've sorted out car ownership and storage. And I agree that I want to know what this suburb is that is not transit accessible. But this new resident listed learning to street park as a top concern. You want to blunt the financial, emotional, and operational costs of an unexpected year in Journal Square? The first thing you do is ditch your car.

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Chilltopjc t1_iuokylt wrote

Argh, that's what I get for skimming and only catching the "NYC" part.

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mevinkurphy75 t1_iuoen8h wrote

There's a similar post from another CA ex pat in r/hoboken. Maybe you two could connect. I moved to DC from Ireland in 2008, and from DC to JC in 2016. Both times I hated it at first and thought I had made a huge mistake. Winter in Jersey is not pretty and JSQ can be a bit urban in some areas. The only advice I can give is hang in there. It will get better. https://www.reddit.com/r/Hoboken/comments/yj98ep/how_do_you_stay_motivated_during_the_winter_months/

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ScumbagMacbeth t1_iuo8i6n wrote

Have you tried engaging with the community or your hobbies at all? It's always scary to move somewhere new, especially if your expectations weren't met. And to be fair, Journal Square can be a little boring. But try some restaurants, go to hobby meet ups, check out the neighborhood, and you are still VERY close to Manhattan and can head there for fun too. You also might want to see if you can find a private parking spot for rent to take some of that pressure off (street parking here is extremely stressful!).

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XIFOD1M OP t1_iuo9e04 wrote

I guess it’s premature for me to be so depressed but I literally just got here today

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ScumbagMacbeth t1_iuo9k59 wrote

I agree, it is premature! You have so much here to discover! Jersey City is a great place to live and there is so much to do in the area. I hope you will give it a shot.

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ManchurianPandaDate t1_iuoaqod wrote

Kind of a shitty time of year for first impressions too. Hopefully the area will grow on yiu

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Goodbye_Sky_Harbor t1_iup3q7q wrote

Go call your friends or your mom. Everyone has their oh shit moment when they move out for real for the first time.

You just sound like a confused 22 year old.

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driftingwood2018 t1_iuoc0x0 wrote

If you can afford it leave journal square and move to downtown. That’s my personal siggestion

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XIFOD1M OP t1_iuod2gg wrote

Unfortunately, I just signed a lease, so I’m stuck here for the time being

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upnflames t1_iuod4o4 wrote

Citibike is your friend. Jersey City is really big and while Journal Square can feel very dissimilar to NYC, downtown JC and Hoboken are pretty cool and only take 10-15 minutes to bike to.

Also, splurge and get a monthly parking spot if you can. You may be able to find one for $150-$200 a month and let me tell you, you will appreciate it in the winter. You'll get hours of your life back every month.

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cyberdecks t1_iuopb13 wrote

what's wrong with the vibe of your building? i think honestly a lot of your problem is moving w/o prior research and maintaining high expectations when everything is a compromise

if you lived in nyc you would be doing the same things at higher costs, parking would be even more annoying and expensive, etc..

going to nyc is incredibly easy and you get used to the commute. try to meetup with people in the city (bc they def will not go into jersey lol)

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aTribeCalledLemur t1_iuoca0x wrote

Journal Square is about 10 minutes to WTC. From there you can go anywhere NY. Don't be disheartened yet, if you want to hang out in NY and meet up with your old friends there are plenty of people who live off the PATH and do that.

Look on the bright side. Your apartment is more affordable than it would be in NY, and you aren't paying NYC income tax.

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2amRendezvous t1_iuogl9x wrote

Get a bike or a yearly Citi bike account. This will take away all that negativity by making everything a lot faster to get to.

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BigAlOof t1_iuok0iz wrote

i’m sorry you’re feeling that way. i’m moving is big deal! do you friends from school? it can be a trek to manhattan but it can be kinda grounding to walk around, maybe just go to some places you used to go while in school? or even just to the movies.

i hope you feel better soon. this might not be the right place for you but give it a minute. you can always leave later!

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Cuprunnethover2022 t1_iur5m76 wrote

So do the year, make the best of it, and move to Manhattan. When I left NYC and came here I was MISERABLE, but then I made friends and now it's great. However, for you it could be different. Pack up again and move to the city. Your apartment will be half the size for the same amount of money and you'll probably have to lose the car, but life is short. Go and be happy in the city.

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Mongodbsasto t1_iuos1e6 wrote

You will grow into it, give it time. I had moved from another state too and hated JC near JSQ from the get go. I was giving it a week and then was going back. That was 2005. I am not white btw if that makes any difference.

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ICarlosRoberto t1_iuos50z wrote

I had a friend that did that and after he moved back to Cali realized how much more he liked it here

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ICarlosRoberto t1_iuosayh wrote

Geez wait til Winter 😂 no it’ll be alright You’ll make friends and feel better

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WarrenBuffetsDriver t1_iup1um5 wrote

JC doesn't have suburbs

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XIFOD1M OP t1_iup5dab wrote

I guess Linden is just a neighboring city?

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Sharp_Boysenberry269 t1_iupd0ka wrote

Correct, Linden is not within Jersey City limits, and is actually several towns over. It’s not even next to Jersey City.

I don’t mean this in a harsh way but it sounds like you didn’t do any research about anything before accepting this job, including what city the job is in. I’d use this as a learning curve for the future to always Google the company, the town you’d want to live in, the viable transportation options, nightlife etc before making such a large decision. There is plenty to do around here once you get used to it. Hopefully this job gives you a leg up on your resume and in a year you can find a job/location that better meets your needs.

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XIFOD1M OP t1_iupfgqx wrote

I’m more the “leap before you look” type, but I promise I did a good amount of research beforehand lol. The problem is just that I didn’t research the right stuff. I knew I’d be commuting and I’ve actually spent a good amount of time in JC. I just didn’t have the grasp of its geography that I thought I did. I was too focused on finding a nice apartment in my price range but I probably would’ve been happier in a shitty place downtown. Obviously I fucked up lol but I’m inclined to chalk it up to this being my first real move. Not a complete failure to plan as it probably appears.

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[deleted] t1_iupu11g wrote

[deleted]

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XIFOD1M OP t1_iupy0tt wrote

Psychotic advice but I dig it. I think we might be on the same wavelength.

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sadgirl8922 t1_iv5w0ra wrote

Omg I am having the same EXPERIENCE You are not alone!! I can also understand if you are coming from California, the vibes are not the same. You might enjoy hanging out in Manhattan more!

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[deleted] t1_iuoqqza wrote

Hey yo take me to Califa with you hommie. I love San Diego. SD bebe. New Jersey suck homes

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